Date Night

I went on a date last night. It was pretty spectacular. And it was pretty fancy. Involved dinner (it's Restaurant Week in Boston!) and then the theatre (the production of Stick Fly). No expense was spared. Dinner involved a cocktail and a coffee and dessert. Theatre ticket was bought late for one of the added shows for this sold out production and was not cheap. Treating like that feels great!

Who was this date with? Myself. Me. I.

I take myself on dates fairly often. They aren't always this swank, but they usually involve something really cool I read about or heard about. Sometimes I can't find someone else to care about whatever it is, but more often, it's just because I feel like doing something cool by myself. I've been doing this for a long time now.

I tried to remember this morning as I was thinking about this post if I did this in college. I can't remember. I don't think it was deliberate if I did. It was probably sad and pathetic when I couldn't find anyone to hang out with or when I was so tired out by the maintenance of friendship that I just needed a break. I know for sure it began when I left Boston for the first time to head to graduate school. I often spent time alone - at a coffee shop, out to dinner, at a movie - because I didn't have a lot of friends. I didn't know a lot of people when I first got anywhere and I've done that A LOT! I've arrived somewhere new without knowing anyone 6 times in my adult life. That's a lot of times to move somewhere and not know anyone. Sure, I had bosses and colleagues or what have you, but that's not the same.

As I've gotten older, I've chosen to do things alone more and more. I travel alone almost exclusively. I really love it. And usually, I'm alone for all of 42 seconds before I find people to spend time with wherever I am. I'm still in touch with a number of people I've met during trips (especially now because of Facebook).

My mother has often commented on this ability I have. She thought it was pretty weird for a while. Now she admires it, I think. She's often told other women she knows about how I do this (sometimes she has to -"Who is Karen going to Peru with?" must be answered with "Alone."). She had one woman tell her that she has to get food takeout and eat it at home because she could never eat alone in a restaurant. My brother once told me he feels so sorry for people eating alone in restaurants that it makes him want to cry.

I thought up a whole curriculum once for women specifically about how to enjoy yourself in a space alone and to gather power from it. It was going to be an 8 week class and participants would each week do something by themselves and then journal about it and talk about it in class. The "big" thing at the end was going to be individual for each person. For one it might be going out and sitting in a cafe alone for an hour or for another it might be going out to a nice dinner alone or the movies by herself. I never followed through. I should.

I LOVE doing stuff alone. LOVE it. I don't have to meet anyone or wonder where they are or worry about being late. I don't have to eat faster or slower. I don't have to worry about whether what I'm eating makes me look like a pig. (Not that I really care about that, anyway.) I don't have to make conversation or be entertaining. I can read a book or a magazine or look around wondering about the other people around me. I don't have to make decisions by group consensus. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. Set out to bike through the Emerald Necklace and end up in South Boston - great! No worries that someone else agreed to this under duress and is exhausted. It's only me!

Don't get me wrong. I also LOVE doing stuff with other people. I've got plenty of friends and they are of every variety. The ones who want to go dogsledding and winter camping and the ones who wouldn't dream of any such thing. The ones who are super low maintenance and the ones who need a little more planning. The ones who are single and can do whatever and the ones with kiddies who have to arrange stuff to find 2 hours. And I love them all and love being with them all.

And I really dig me. Last night's date was really wonderful. A three course meal, a few chapters of a new book, and an amazing theatre experience. I don't need more than that.

If the universe means for me to meet someone and finally have that partner who I long for, that'd be really great. And I'd love doing things with him. I'd revel in that, I'd think. But I know, beyond any shadow of any doubt that the man who chooses me will know that occasionally, I'll need to go on a date with myself. Because although I'll love him with all my heart, I will have to keep that other relationship going - that mistress on the side who needs attention and energy - me.

And if the universe means for me to not meet someone and to not have a regular partner to walk through the world with, it will've done its part making sure that I am equipped for that life. Because I am. I enjoy my own company enough to be forced into it for a long time to come.

I often end posts with a comment about how blessed I am. Don't you see why? Because here again I am. Blessed. I'll take it.