My Mayor Lost

I just did a crazy-ass search and managed to find all the election results for every town in all of Paraguay. The date on the posts was November 28, 2006, so I know they must be official documents for all the elections. The mayor of Santa Maria de Fe, my town, was defeated. He did not win.

Just more information from the universe telling me I made the right choice.

Skiing, pilates, the gym, oh my!

It's that time of year. Everyone is hyper aware of how much they are eating and that it's holiday time and there's sweets everywhere. People are busy and don't have time to cook and there's a party every three days. People get all unhealthy and make excuses. And then the new year hits and gym memberships jump a million percent.

I have always gained a little weight in the winter. Some years more than others. I justify myself by saying, "Oh, I ski every weekend! I walk across the parking lot in ski boots carrying skis and then I ski for 2 or 3 hours and I can feel it in my thighs, so I must be fine." And then I go to happy hour, drink 3 or 4 beers and eat some nachos before heading back to the ski house to eat more bad food and drink a glass of wine while showering and then head out for a couple more beers at the club. All this drinking happens over the course of about 10 hours, so usually I'm never drunk from it all, and between that and the nachos, burger, fries or whatever other crap I eat, the root of those extra pounds aren't really a secret.

This year, for the first time since 2000, I've decided to make a committment to exercise. I first set out to find a regular yoga or pilates class, but they are EXPENSIVE. $15-20 a class no matter where you look, which is $80 a month for only one class a week and that still does nothing for my cardiovascular health or my strength training, which I need now that I'm entering my mid-30s. I shopped around even more. I visited Boston Sports Clubs, with convenient locations at South Station and Downtown Crossing, both very close to work. $129 to join and $69 a month if I sign a year contract! What? Jeez. I shopped around some more. Nothing.

Finally, my roommate, who belongs to the Y here in Dorchester for $40 a month said, how about that little gym down in Lower Mills? I looked them up and they are great. (She is sticking at the Y because they open at 4:30 a.m. or some such craziness and she loves her personal trainer.) The gym is in an old mill, and it's 4 stories, with exposed brick and exposed beams and big, huge windows. There is no sign-up fee and with membership, you get 3 1-hour personal trainer sessions to teach you what you need to know on the machines and help you set goals. All the classes are included in the monthly fee, including pilates, and the whole shebang is $29 a month with a 1-year commitment. Yay.

I have begun a new plan. I do cardio two times a week for 45 minutes on the treadmill. At least one class a week, either pilates or body blast, which is a crazy class with weights and calesthenics and a lazy instructor who only does about 4 and then stops and yells at us to do about 35 more reps. 30 minutes each for upper body strength training, lower body, and abs sometime during the week. Since I am in Vermont every weekend, all this has to be smooshed into 5 days, so I've been there at least 2 mornings before work and 2 nights the last two weeks. And then I still ski on the weekends.

Whenever, in my past, I've linked money to something, I tend to follow through with it. So even though it's only $29, it would kill me to know I was paying that and not using it. Between that and really wanting to be in better shape, I'm pretty sure I'll keep the commitment. I plan on also eating well and laying off the bad stuff, which in the past has always worked, too.

Now let's see if I can lay off the beers. Grin.

Alone again at the holidays

I love my life. I've made lots of choices, lots of decisions and I've crafted a life I really like. I've been on adventures, made worldwide friends, lived on an island, gone barefoot for months, learned Spanish (some, anyway) in a foriegn country, worked some really great jobs and some really challenging ones, lived in the mountains for a ski season, done 800 scuba dives, held newborn babies, been in an Hindu/Catholic wedding, gotten counseling, counseled others, earned a Master's degree, and been loved and have loved.

I don't plan on ending the adventure until I'm dead or until I can't get up because my knees are gone, whatever comes first. I am happy every day. I am a lifelong learner and a lifelong discoverer, and this can keep anyone happy for a long long time.

But there's an underlying unhappiness that stays with me. It's under the surface, but sometimes it stands up and demands to be noticed. Holiday time is usually one of those times. These last few weeks have been hard and the next few will be too and I finally figured that out last night, in a discussion with my mom. I am alone. And every year that passes, I am more and more alone. I will be 34 in 6 weeks and I'm still alone.

I have a personality built for dating and I love to date. I go on them regularly. I use the internet and I'm not ashamed to talk about it. I have no idea how else anyone meets anyone when they are in their late 20s and early 30s. Anyone claiming to just meet people is either a.lying or b.incredibly good looking. Most people are either set up by a friend or marry their friend's brother's roommate or they use the internet. Anyone who says that the internet is a bad way to meet people is either married or stupid.

I like dating. I don't mind coffee or a beer with a stranger. Small talk is not difficult for me (I secretly enjoy it) and why not see what happens? I had some great luck for a while, and met three people in relative succession who I dated. One was not right, one just wasn't that into me and one I left behind because he was all wrong for me. And another, a while after that, ended up returning to a previous relationship even though he professed (and acted as though) he liked me a lot. What to do about any of that? It's all normal.

But, I AM tired of those men who send you a crazy photo they took of themselves that makes their head look triagular and their nose the size of a submarine and then when I send a photo, they suddenly disappear. All of the readers of this know me (more or less). I'm not a beauty queen, but I'm certainly fine-looking, even cute or pretty on a good day and normal on a bad one. What are these men expecting? And why are THEY 34 or 38 and not willing to meet someone and take a chance for an hour on a cup of coffee? Why am I willing to do that with submarine-triangle head, but he isn't?

I want to be in a relationship. But not with the wrong person. So those people who say that I am too picky because I eventually broke up with one guy because he thought homeless people should just get a family member to bail them out and EVERYONE that is homeless has a family member who can do that - you are wrong. I am not too picky. And those who have said I should be more flexible than 10 years in either direction in regards to age - I'm sorry, but am I supposed to be 60 with a husband who is 75? I'm supposed to CHOOSE that? There are some things that are deal-breakers and I just refuse, at this point, to drop all of them because I'm desperate to be with SOMEONE.

That's how I figure I'll end up divorced in 4 years like the other Gen-Xers out there. And, because I don't want kids, I need to be more careful. I can't craft a marriage that relies on kids to keep us from having to deal with each other and/or our marriage. A lot of people do that. They don't know how to fill a rainy afternoon if they didn't have to take a kid somewhere. I won't have that. I need a real partnership and relationship.

And so, if I'm alone forever, I guess that's how it will be. But what will be worse than that is pity. I don't want any. I feel sometimes as I get older that those around me have changed over from "oh, you'll find someone" to "it'll be okay." Or when I used to say I didn't want kids, people would (albeit rudely) say "You'll change your mind" whereas now they say "Oh, really?" I think they think that's a good thing, since I'm so utterly alone and getting older. I project upon others my own fears of what they are thinking, but these ideas are not coming from thin air, they are coming fast and furious from the media, and books, and films. It's REAL.

My dad so wishes I would find someone. He wants me to be okay and happy and he is so aware of his own mortality, that I know he wants this for me sooner than later so that if anything happens to him, he can go knowing I'm okay. I sometimes think about how I want to find my partner and settle down with him even more so that my dad can stop worrying. I've taken on his worry on top of my own. And he will be upset when he reads this and finds out I'm doing that, because he doesn't want to create more pain for me. But he already knows I know and I worry about him. He won't find out here. He'll just read it here, but deep down, he already knows.

My mom: she lets me off the hook. She is my biggest champion and the one who understands me. She was 25 and utterly single in 1970. We are equals in that. I'm 33 and single in 2006. It's the same. I may not even be in as bad shape as she was. So her I don't worry about. She'll just keep by my side as I keep looking and she'll keep answering the phone and listening to whatever helacious date I'm coming home from.

My jury is out on my siblings. I don't know if they know how hard this time is for me. They each have someone this year, for the first time. One got married and the other is with someone he really likes. It's the first year I'm really really alone, without another single sibling. I think that's making it harder.

I have no catchy ending. I have no resolution. I have no plans for New Year's (although that's not new and even married people complain about that). I only have what I know. That's it.

10 weeks in

I've been home 10 weeks! 10! And I was only in Paraguay for 13. Only a few more weeks and I'll have been back home for as long as I was gone.

This morning on the T, with my iPod shuffle playing in my ears and with my free copy of the Metro in my hands (which is apparently my source for news these days), I had a moment of strong regret. I thought about how little I've spoken Spanish since I arrived home and how bad I sounded trying to speak to my mom's friend Ornella at my parents' anniversary party on Saturday night. I thought about how I can't remember what denominations Paraguayan money comes in (seriously - I tried for 5 minutes to remember and I am still struggling). I thought about how I haven't emailed my host family in Ita except once and I'm not even sure that got through.

It was a powerful wave of regret.

But then I thought about how when everyone at the party asked me about my new job and how I'm doing, I said "Great. I'm glad to be home." And every time I said it, it was true. Funny, regret. It sneaks up on you when you least expect it, even when you KNOW you've done the right thing. Is it regret, then? Or is it something else less malignant? Wonder, perhaps?

When I unpacked my box o' work stuff and put some of it up in my new office space, I found this quote that I had hanging in my office at Wentworth. I can't remember where I originally found it, but it's just typed on white paper and cut out.

"Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurditites no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense. This day is all that is good and fair. It is too dear, with its hopes and invitations, to waste a moment on yesterdays." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

So I'm taking this morning's little bout of thoughtfulness and I'm going to think about it a bit, but then I'm going to keep moving into today, because it is "all that is good and fair." Interesting that someone as philosophical and questioning as RWE has challenged us to move the hell on from stuff.

New blog feature alert!

I'm going to start to highlight one of Boston Cares's partner agencies in the Boston area in each blog post. Perhaps one of my readers will find something that resonates with them and will volunteer, or donate some end-of-the-year money to an organization.

Generations, Inc. http://www.generationsinc.org
Boston is undergoing a demographic revolution, and that is great news. There are now over 100,000 Boston residents who are age 55 or older. In the next 20 years that number could grow by almost 50%. What does that mean for Boston? We believe it means better opportunities for local children. It’s a simple case of supply and demand. Local children need all the guidance they can get. Retirees have free time, experience, and a desire to help. For 15 years, Generations Incorporated has worked to connect older adults with the children who need them the most.

One especially interesting project they have at the moment is this one:
The arrival of Siamese Sam and the Things He Will Eat!
A new, fully-illustrated children's book about a very hungry cat who embarks on an exciting adventure. The book was written by board member Rich Trombetta, and loosely based upon the adventures of his real-life Siamese cat, Sam. Siamese Sam is vibrantly illustrated by 3rd and 5th grade students from the Orchard Gardens Pilot School in Roxbury. All proceeds from the book will benefit intergenerational literacy programming at Generations Incorporated. We are currently campaigning to bring a Siamese Sam book to each child in every one of the 19 schools and after-school sites we serve.
Help us support this effort by getting your own copy of Siamese Sam now, or by purchasing the book for one of our students! Books are $10 each. http://www.generationsinc.org/siamesesam_main.htm

Tres dias en mi nuevo trabajo

Three days in my new job.

As I left today, my new boss, PK, said to me, "Does it feel like longer than three days?" "No," I answered. She looked surprised. "It feels like a perfect three days," I said. And it has.

This job is a great fit for me. I'm not completely sure what I do yet, and I've spent hours this week reading documentation, program plans, starategic plans, grant proposals, Americorps requirements, and folders of documents. And I haven't even gotten to reading the documents on the computer yet.

My new supervisor set aside loads of time this week to sit with me and talk about everything I need to know about everything. We've had three 2 hour sessions, and will have more next week. It's been amazing to have someone take that time to help me orientate.

I've begun meeting with the four Americorps women I will be supervising. One is a Americorps Massachusetts Promise Fellow, one is a Americorps Citizen Fellow and two are Americorps VISTAs. They are all different programs all funded through the US government, a domestic Peace Corps, if you will. (Irony not lost here.) They are all talented, interesting and will be wonderful to work with. I've started to promise them that within the month, I'll have a clue what I'm doing, what Boston Cares is all about and be in a position to really begin to help them figure out next steps for their positions for this year.

I've been very calm starting this job. Even though I've made a total career move and am now in a field I've not been in before, I'm calm. I'm pleased. I'm energized. I'm looking forward to having a great run at Boston Cares.

I've really been enjoying being in downtown Boston, too. I've never worked somewhere (in the US) where there wasn't a campus. A coffee source, cafeteria, bookstore, library, mail room or post office, etc. all right there just a short walk away. How nice that even though i've given that up, there's still all those things near by because I'm downtown. Just across from my building is a open space with a fountain, loads of tables, and a Finagle a Bagel and Au Bon Pain. We've been meeting there a lot instead of in the office. If I need money, the ATM is a block down. I pass THREE Dunkin' Donuts on the way to work. THREE. And one is two feet from the office. There's a Subway, a Brighams, and a Rebecca's very close by. There's every type of international food just around the corner. And my office is at the end of High Street, which is literally across the street from the Archway that goes out to the waterfront where the water taxis come in, and since the upper deck of 93 is gone due to the Big Dig, you can not only see right through to the ocean, but you can walk over there on nice days and hang out on a bench. Amazing.

I figured out today that I've only commuted to work in a car for 1 year since 2000. I'm glad to be back on the T after this past year of car commuting. Time to ride and read and think or whatever that doesn't require honking, yelling, or being annoyed with idiots on the road. A half-mile walk on the front end, a 20 minute ride and a half-mile walk on the other end makes for a 40-45 minute commute. It's great.

I'm pretty blessed. I'm reveling in it at the moment.

Q: Where's the best place to eat a pizza at Uno's on break?

A: In the way-back of your station wagon in the parking lot behind the restaurant. (These kids only need pizza to complete their fun!)

I was on a double today, god willing, my last day at Uno's. I technically have one more shift next Saturday-day, but I'm trying desperately to get someone to pick it up for me. I worked from 11 a.m. to 8:30 p.m. with about a 45 minute break and I walked out with $156, so it's not all bad.

Around 4, I had a break to eat. I couldn't stand staying inside anymore, since it was such a gorgeous day - blue sky, puffy white clouds and wind. So I went out back with my individual sized Chicago Classic pizza on a plate and a cup of water splashed with lemonade and opened the back of my oh-so-cool station wagon and sat in the back. It was chilly, though, so I closed the hatch - slowly, as to not completely shut it. But it clicked shut anyway, and there I was, happily eating my pizza and drinking my soda, both sat on the floor in front of me. I was trapped in the back, though, and had to crawl over the seat to let myself out when I was done. :)

I have had the following in my head for the past week, and I've got to put them somewhere. So, read along. If you agree, cool. If you don't, that's cool too. Not meaning ot sound preachy, but these are some things I desperately have wanted to say to my tables this past week and of course, couldn't.

1. Servers are paid roughly $2.43 per hour. The tips are the salary.

2. You tip 20% if the person was good, friendly, brought you stuff you asked for and didn't forget anything. 15% if the person was just okay, forgot something and didn't mention it. You only tip less than 15% if the person was horrible, and in that case, you should ask to talk to a manager instead of just tipping badly. The person needs help. If you are inclined to tip more than 20%, fantastic. The person will love you and talk about you for days.

3. You don't tip less at lunch. Lunch is still the same service as dinner. The person still does as much work. And, the amount spent is consistently lower at lunch, making for lower tips as it is. So when someone doesn't tip 20% or even 15% just because it's lunch, it makes for a very low money-making day and leaves the server thinking they did something wrong.

4. Every time you ask a server to get you something, it's the same amount of effort for them. For example, when you place your food order, the server is only putting it into the computer and then getting it when it's cooked and bringing to to you. But when you order a salad, dessert or drinks, you can bet that she/he has to make at least one of those things by his/herself. And, every beer or coffee or coffee drink you order is another trip for the server. So, just becuase you only ate sandwiches and then sat for 2 hours having beers or coffee or whatever, that doesn't mean you don't have to tip as much. You do. She/he put in as much time and running around to get you the next round as if you had ordered a five course meal and only one drink.

5. If you don't like your drink, food, soup, whatever...tell the server. They should fix it for you. They should offer you something else. They should offer to send a manager over. If they don't offer you something, don't go to that place again.

6. If your food takes longer than you think it should be taking, and your server has not even mentioned this to you, definitely hold them accountable. But, if you see that virtually every table is full and your server has come by at least once or twice to check your sodas and to tell you that your food is coming or that she/he just checked on it, please don't punish her/him for the lateness of your food. They didn't cook it. Chances are, they stood back in the kitchen and tried to find out where it was while dodging the kitchen staff trying to kill them. Or, they just stood by and waited, because they had no choice because there were 4 or 5 tables in front of yours back there. Hold the whole restuarant accountable. Ask to talk to a manager, or don't go back there. But don't take it out on the server in the tip just because you can.

7. If your server greets you and says anything honest, such as, "I'll be right back. I'm so sorry, but this table behind you was sat just before you got here, and I have to just get their drinks" it's probably true. Watch her/him for a few minutes. Is she/he running around all the time or is she/he missing or do you see them standing around? If they are near you and running around, chances are they will get to you as soon as humanly possible. Try to understand. Of course, some servers are just shitty servers and don't organize their time well, but you'll figure that out as your meal progresses. Just don't get too mad in the beginning as long as they have given you some explanation.

8. I serve tables on the "iced tea theory." I've had this theory for about 12 years now, and I've taken it into all other work I've done. The theory is this: When you ask me for another iced tea (or whatever you've asked for), I promise I will get it to you as soon as I can, but I can't get it to you any sooner than I can. Apply that to everything. Now of course, sometimes people can't tell if you are putting in the "as soon as I humanly can" effort, but if you are, there's nothing more you can do.

I have another whole list of rants for the staff of restuarants, which includes: cleaning up after yourself, putting things back where they belong so the next person can find it, filling up whatever you just took the last of, not being bitchy, helping people who ask for help, not hiding when the kitchen needs help running food to tables, doing sidework correctly, cleaning up after other people when they don't have time so the place doesn't look like a bomb hit it - among others. But that's another essay.

I start work on Wednesday at Boston Cares. Thank the goddess.

Yo tengo mucho respeto por camareras

I have a lot of respect for waitresses...And I'm incredibly glad that I don't have to do this much longer.

The Top 5 Most Amazing Things About Waiting Tables Full-Time

5. How much my body hurts. I am not 23 anymore, and let me tell you, my body knows it.

4. How anyone does it. The next time that young woman waits on you, think that it's possible that she does this full-time, 40 hours a week, on her feet. Tip well.

3. That I already feel at home in a restaurant that I've only worked in for 2 weeks.

2. Working a double. This means I got there at 10:30, had a 15 minute break at 2 and was cut and went home at 11:30. That's 13 hours, on my feet, never stopping, moving, getting people what they need. It was one of the most physically hard things I've ever done.

1. That even though it feels good to work only 5 hours and walk away with $50 or 6 hours and walk with $85, when you do the math, you still can't earn much more than $25,000. a year. Hard work for not quite enough to live independently in Boston. Amazing.

Puedo planchar

I can iron.

After years of saying that I don't know how to iron (or don't want to) and spending loads of money on the dry cleaners, I have finally had to just admit that I do, indeed, know how to iron.

I have always said that it's worth the money to pay someone else to not only wash, but press, my clothes. You drop them off, and pick them up only 2 days later all ready to be worn. And you get free hangers out of the deal!

But, as you all know, I've had NO money come in for the last 6 weeks and have had to cut corners. Not only that, but when you work at a place that requires a blue shirt and black pants every day and you only own two of each, the dry cleaners is out of the question.

And so, for the first time since I've lived with my roommate, who is an ironing fiend, I have actually used her board and iron regularly. Come to find out, I DID pay attention all those years ago when Mom taught me to iron a shirt. I can actually do it, and it looks good.

I guess I can't claim I don't know how anymore. If I choose to take clothes to the dry cleaner when I start my new job and have a proper salary again, it'll have to be because I'm lazy and self-indulgent. I'll have to decide whether I can live with that or whether I'll have to just keep using the iron and board in the way I was taught, the way I apparently know how, and stop pretending I can't. I hate having to admit I'm full of it!

Karen Cares About Boston

I got it! I'm the Director of Programs for Boston Cares! It's only been 6 weeks (to the day, I think) that I've been home and I've just landed my dream job. I'm so psyched. Check out what they are all about at www.bostoncares.org.

I will join the non-profit world and begin a new career on November 1. I an sure I will bridge back to higher education through non-profit and the world of volunteering in Boston and the connections that can be made on campuses.

THANK YOU TO EVERYONE and their words of support over these past weeks. I love you all and I am so blessed to have such friends and family in my life.

Keep checking back here. I'll chronicle my adventures as I begin a new one, doing good in the world, here in the U.S., here in Boston.

Hi, I'm Karen and I'll be taking care of you tonight...

My first shift back at waiting tables after almost a 10 year break. It went well. It was a Monday, so of course, it was quiet. I got there at 4:30 and we didn't have any tables until 5:45, and I left at 10. Between 6 and 10, I made $53. Not bad, especially for a Monday night. I was also able to pick up another shift for tomorrow day, so that'll be some more money I wasn't originally planning on.

Weirdest table tonight? An Asian couple who came in at around 9ish, speaking an Asian language I couldn't identify on a cell phone and to each other, but who finally ordered a rack of ribs, an individual size pizza and an order of sliders (which are three little cheeseburgers) and two sides of fries. They ate almost all of it and she was tiny. I was amazed.

Nicest table? The two women who I think were on a date who nicely asked, after they'd eaten almost everything, what was blue in the kitchen, considering there was a blue spot in their mashed potatoes. After I told them maybe blueberry flavoring and the manager then told them the prep stickers that are edible (not toxic) they ended up tipping me very well on the original total, not the new total after the manager took the offending burger and mashed off their check.

Thing I forgot about? Doing your sidework (such as filling ketchups, getting clean silverware, clean bowls, stocking supplies, etc.) and cleaning all the tables in your section and then having it checked by the closers and having to stand there while another staff person tells you to clean a lamp or fill a pepper shaker. I forgot how easy it is to get annoyed and how important it is not to because A. it'll be me sometime when I close and B. it's best for the restaurant to look clean and be clean.

Anyone notice how gorgeous the weather's been here in Boston (if you are in Boston) these past weeks? I have really been wanting to see The Departed, but haven't, because I haven't been able to bring myself to sit in a theatre in the middle of a day that is so beautiful. So I've been sitting outside reading my book and walking around JP pond to appreciate the sun and the trees and the colors of fall in New England.

I had my second interview for Boston Cares today. I really want that job. A lot. If I don't get it, it will be the first time I've not gotten a job I've really wanted. I'm trying not to worry about it and just roll with the fact that I did the best I could in the interviews and now I just have to hope they pick me. (Pick me! Pick me! Remember wanting that SO much in elementary school? I sort of feel like that right now. I actually said, out loud, when the elevator doors closed today as I was leaving, "Hire me!")

In the meantime, I'll wipe down tables, sell people giant chocolate chip cookies to go with their deep dish, and explain 400 times a shift that we have only Pepsi products, sorry. It's good for the soul to serve others. It reminds you how to be a good customer.

I got in trouble at Pizza School

I am spending 5 hours each night this week, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday in Uno Chicago Bar and Grill training classes. To work at Uno's you have to do 5 training shifts in the restuarant and 15 hours of class that includes a BarCode Alcohol Server Certification. Although I am ready to kill myself after 5 hours of menu item descriptions, I have respect for this program as it is the most thorough I've seen and is FANTASTIC that they train servers to actually serve alcohol.

Tonight:

So the trainer gave us these sheets on the first night...one for each section of the menu. And she said we'd fill them out as we went along, as a group, not a test, for us to keep for info. I'm a huge geek, of course, and had an extra five minutes today when I arrived early at class, so I filled in some of the sheets ahead of where we'd discussed because I was familiar with some stuff, having already done my in-restuarant training shifts.

I went to the bathroom. When I got back, she held them up and asked "Are these yours?" (How did she get them? I thought to myself. I thought they were under my other book.) "Yes," I answered. "You can't work ahead," said she. "Why not? They are my sheets," I replied. "You are supposed to do them with the group." I said, quietly, but in all seriousness, "Whatever."

What is worse? That I got in trouble in Pizza School for working ahead or that the only answer I could come up with in response was: "Whatever"? You decide.

Porque pienso que Ellen DeGeneres es fantastico...y otros ideas

Why I think Ellen DeGeneres is fantastic....and other ideas.

I have never watched the Ellen show with any regularity, of course. But now, I've spent many a morning from 9 until 10 a.m. in my living room with the Queen of Pop Dancing and oxfords and tailored pants. It's really a pleasure. She is not only funny, but she is caring, compassionate, quirky and self-aware. The show is a serious breath of fresh air amongst all the crap that we find on television in general, let alone during the day.

This week, she spent one day with breast cancer survivors and their families working towards further awareness during this, Breast Cancer Awareness, month. She wore a pink sweater (unusal for her) and had four people who volunteered to cut their hair to donate to Locks for Love. The way she plays with guests is pleasing as well. She and Matthew Perry played tennis after his new show "Studio 60" promo interview.

The fact that I even have an opinion on daytime television scares me a little. I've been doing some other things that don't involve the couch or the tv, which is good. I went to see the first in a series in Boston this year called "Social Cinema" co-sponsored by Boston Cares, Hostelling International and WGBH. The documentary was called "The World According to Sesame Street" and it profiled how The Children's Television Workshop works with producers in other countries to produce international versions of Sesame Street. After the film, a children's programming professor from BU and a producer from the Children's Television Workshop in NYC both spoke and answered questions. Here's the link to info about the program and the films, which will also show on WGBH in New England, mostly on Tuesday nights at 10. http://www.bostoncares.org/AboutUs/index.php/citizen_academy/social_cinema/democracy_on_deadline.htm

I went to see Eve Ensler, creator of the Vagina Monologues, read from her new book, "Insecure at Last." She spoke in the Coolidge Corner Theatre, (http://www.coolidge.org/) of which I am a member, and was sponsored by the Brookline Booksmith, (http://www.brooklinebooksmith.com/) the best independent bookstore in Boston, in my opinion. Her book is about how we are totally obsessed with being secure and safe and that in fact, we are missing out on life and other gifts because of it. I left early, actually, because she was reading about Katrina and it was going on forever and ever. The first parts she read were good, though.

I volunteered at Jamaica Plain Open Studios last weekend. JP artists open their studio doors and congregate to sell their art all over the neighborhood on Saturday and Sunday. I sat on the rainy Sunday afternoon and greeted guests as they entered the Footlight Club, a local theatre in JP and sold raffle tickets to help support the Arts Council. I didn't end up buying anything, not even a pair of earrings, because I am trying so hard to keep spending under control. (http://www.jpopenstudios.com/) As a side note, Dorchester's Open Studios is the weekend of Oct. 21 and 22. This is my neighborhood. (http://www.thedac.org/dos2006).

I am waiting to get my work schedule at Uno at the middle to the end of next week, because I would really like to volunteer at a few other events that are highlighted on the Boston Cares website. I am attending a volunteer orientation there next Wednesday so I can begin to sign up for volunteer programs. Boston Cares is one of the organizations with whom I am interviewing for a position. I had my first interview Thursday and was told that I'd made it to the second round. The position is perfect for me and I'd really like to work with an organization such as this one. Take a look and sign up to volunteer while you are at it if you are here in Boston and have been putting off getting involved like many of us do. (www.bostoncares.org)
As another side note, the Life is Good Pumpkin Festival is on Boston Common on Saturday, October 21 and all the proceeds go to Camp Sunshine, a retreat for kids with life-threatening illnesses and their families. (http://www.campsunshine.org/) It's a great event. For more info, visit http://www.lifeisgood.com/festivals_pumpkin/ContentPlus.asp?cmd=CONTENT&articleID=195.

Speaking of Uno's, I'm almost done training. Just three days of what I'm cheekily calling "Pizza School" - 5 hour sessions three days this week about the menu, food, and other stuff - and I'll be on the floor alone, actually making some money. I had a great couple of training shifts this week and I'm reminded why I always loved to waitress. I haven't done it for almost 10 years now, but man, do I like it. I'm good at it and I enjoy it. I may be singing an entirely different tune relatively soon, considering I'm 10 years older, have never served full-time before, and it's HARD on the body and the mind. We'll see how I do. So far so good, though. It's like riding a bike. :)

I've been thinking about what I'm writing on this site. About how when I was away, the most mundane details of life were interesting to other people and how now, being in a US city, living in largely the same way as my audience, if that makes a difference, (or should) in how or what I write. I haven't decided yet. For now, I'm just plugging away, writing my musings and my thoughts down and figuring that in any case, I'll be glad I did if later I decide I'm actually going to make an attempt to write some sort of book or essay or something about this year.

It's definitely autumn. The leaves are turning and it's crisp out, especially at night. It's getting darker sooner and stupid, antiquated daylight-savings is coming soon. (Why the hell do we KEEP doing that? Why not just leave the sun ALONE?) School is in full swing and the colleges are just finishing up fall break. Family weekends have happened or are about to, and people have begun to talk about plans for Thanksgiving. We rented the house in Vermont and are already talking about when we'll go up for the first opening weekend of the season. I have started to be able to see the beginnings of my third winter of 2006. The winter of reflection. It follows the winter of applying and the winter of learning and leaving. So far, my time has been so full of logistics and worrying and figuring out what's next that I haven't had time for the reflection part. But I'm going to be mindful of it. I refuse to miss the reflection because I was too busy attacking the next step.

Let me know what you think. I'm interested. It's lonely sometimes here on the couch with only Ellen DeGeneres for company while everyone else is at work. Thanks for coming. Come again.

Yo hago las cosas mas complicadas

I make things more complicated.

I know I do. It's a curse, really. These last few days have been difficult, confusing, busy, boring, scary and full of freedom. This is an exercise in patience and self-confidence as well as how I see and understand myself, the people around me and my world.

I have not had one dime come in since I arrived back in the U.S. I have only had money go out in bills, buying a car, buying groceries and gas. I have been home almost 4 weeks. This is scary for just about anyone, let alone someone like me, who always saves more than she spends and who worries about money on a good day. I have spent time looking at job listings and applying for positions that really interest me. I have had three interviews, been offered a full-time professional position which I turned down, have two more interviews next week, have begun one restaurant job, quit that one, and begin another on Sunday. I have reviewed my resume with a friend of a friend and I have tried to set up informational interviews. I have been exercising some and sleeping plenty and have started playing around with writing about my experience in the Peace Corps.

I had dinner with my parents the other night (mom brought home lobsters!) and we talked about why I shouldn't been freaking out yet. They are being really supportive and have even offered for me to live there again for free if I need to. I don't want to do that. There's this triangle theory of happiness. It says that there are three parts of anyone's life that need to be sorted out in order for true happiness to be achieved. One is your home, one is your relationship and one is your work. If you have at least one of these at any given time, you'll be okay. If you have two, even better, and three, you are truly happy. Right now I have one. Home. I like it here in my house in Boston. I have no relationship at the moment and I obviously don't have meaningful work. So if I give up the Home part and move back in with my parents, I think I'd be in bad shape very quickly. So I'm not going to do that. Yet. Ever. Hopefully.

I have been projecting onto others that they are disapproving of what I am doing and what I've done and then I'm internalizing it. I've created a vicious cycle all my own without anyone else's involvement and I'm suffering because of it. I am obviously worried that people think I should be working by now or that I should be doing something different than I am doing. I feel a little out of control, and I'm a control freak. But there's nothing else I could be controlling. :) What a predicament. It's funny. I have to laugh at myself. My mother said "If you want to freak out, go ahead..." What is that going to help? Nothing.

So, I am making things more complicated than they have to be. I think I need to take a deep deep breath, and then breathe it out. And then, remember that I have enough money to get through another couple of months without any money coming in, and I will be earning money waiting tables after training in another two weeks. I need to remember that I have already, in only three weeks, had positive response from three different non-profit job opportunities, which can't possibly be a fluke. I need to remember that it's never easy. Life is a challenge. I have my health. I have family. I have enough money. I have the ability to borrow if need be. It's hard to remember to breathe sometimes.

Estoy tratando estar mas tranquilo. I am trying to be calmer. We'll see how it goes.

Estoy pensando sobre muchas cosas...

I am thinking about lots of things...

Two weeks now. That's how long I've been back in the U.S. I've driven a car, seen a movie, eaten lobster, thrown toilet paper in the toilet again, shopped in a huge grocery store, walked in high heels all day, moved all my belongings (again!), gotten a little drunk with my friends and family, told my Peace Corps story more times than I can count, hidden from my Peace Corps recruiter who I saw on the subway because I couldn't deal with having to tell her the story that day, looked for jobs, and written a long email in what I'm sure is rapidly failing Spanish to my host family in Ita. I think the most difficult of that list has been the high heels. En serio.

Life feels really normal. Too normal? I'm not sure. I'm a little worried that if I don't pay attention, I won't have learned anything from this experience, and instead, I'll just have "spent 3 months in Paraguay one time." I am honing how I answer the question about why I'm home. It's coming a little bit easier on the tongue each time I say it. I still struggle with the quitting. I know, I know, everyone keeps telling me that I tried, I didn't quit. And that's true. But it's also true that I quit. I guess I can live with it at the moment because I didn't know. I didn't know that the timing would be so off and I didn't know that I would hate being an island. That's informing me as I do this job search. I know I need colleagues and comrades, especially if I'm going to do a job that's challenging or difficult, like the ones I've interviewed for so far.

Today, I drove for the first time past the Jamaica Plain pond in Boston. I love that place. It gives me peace and solace. I can walk the path around the pond and think. And I also walked through JP today, down Centre Street. There were people pushing baby carriages, and a whole line of people sitting on the bright red bench outside of Emack & Bolios eating ice cream. It was about 82 degrees out today and the sun was shining. I went into Boomerang's, the awesome thrift store (all the money goes to AIDS Action), and they had added an extra room in the time I'd been gone. I walked down to the Centre Street Cafe and got an application to work there. I think I may be waitressing for a while until I find a job. I've always loved waitressing. I love the people, and serving them and giving them a good meal and a good experience. I think going out to eat is one of the great pleasures in life and I love to enable other people to have that, too.

After that, I walked back to the car, and a woman outside the real estate office asked if I wanted a Deval Patrick lawn sign (he's running for Governor of Massachusetts and the primary elections are Tuesday). I told her no, thanks, but that I was voting for Patrick...she smiled and waved and said "Thanks!" It felt good, the simplicity and the basic-ness of the interaction.

I miss speaking Spanish. I'm acutely aware of it every day and even more aware that I'm losing more and more each day that passes and that I'm not doing anything about it. My schedule has been so up in the air that I haven't bothered to connect with my mother's three Spanish-speaking friends. I've unpacked, so I know where my Spanish books are and I could be using them right now instead of writing this with "Cliffhanger" with Sylvester Stallone On-Demand in the background. But I'm not. What's that about? Is it hopelessness? That I won't be able to learn as much as I did there? That I will never be totally fluent? Or am I avoiding it for another reason? I have no idea yet. One of the jobs I'm currently intervieiwing for would allow me to use Spanish, which would give me a kick in the ass...

I sat in the backyard today, of my home. The one I lived in for a year before I left for Paraguay and the one in which I live now, again. I swung on the swing and read an Entertainment Weekly. I listened to the squirrels eating and throwing the acorns down with a rapidness that surprised me. I talked with my roommate and together we tried to get a splinter out of her finger. Then I cooked shrimp with zuchini and onions over penne pasta and sat at the table in the backyard and ate it slowly. And now, I write this from the livingroom couch, on my roommate's laptopthat she bought while I was gone on the wireless internet that she finally cracked and had installed in the apartment. I'm incredibly priveleged. I have everything I need and if I didn't, I know someone from whom I could borrow it. I need to spend more time reflecting on that.

This fall has a lot to offer, if I open my eyes, listen to the messages and let the universe interfere. I hope I have enough courage to do that. People think I'm brave. First for going and then for coming home. I'm not. I'm practical. And self-serving. And family-oriented. Sure, I travel alone, and I take risks like other people change their clothes, but I don't think that makes me brave. A little crazy, maybe...but brave I'd argue with.

It's 11 p.m., Cliffhanger is almost over and I'm tired. I'll be back, though.

Seis dias en mi pais ahora...

Six days in my country now...

I've just returned home from the grocery store, where I bought eggs and bacon and milk and english muffins and orange juice because my sister and her husband are coming for the weekend and we have nothing in the house to feed them. (Oh my god, my sister and her HUSBAND. I haven't seen them since the wedding weekend... how weird!) On the way to the grocery store, I was thinking about how strange it is, and how normal it is to be here, at home, in the United States.

Leaving Asuncion wasn't easy. Some friends from G21 had come to the city from their sites to say goodbye. We had a fun last night, drinking beers and eating fries covered in cheese and onions and garlic at the Brit Pub. Poor Kimberly had had a medical appointment that day to help stop her bloody noses, so she was tired and went home early. Jim and Orlando, Brad and Maggie and I stayed out for a while longer and then headed back to the hotel to get some sleep.

I hadn't thought a lot about how our departure would affect the other people in our Muni group. It had crossed my mind, but only for a moment in the flurry of ETing. There were only 7 of us, and now there would be only 5. We were meant to be each others' support, each others' family for 2 whole years. Kimberly, Jim and Orlando shared that they were sad and upset about it. Kimberly bravely shared that she was angry. She had invested time and energy into a relationship with me (I was closest to her during training) and now I was leaving her. I appreciated her ability to share that feeling that night. Jim and Orlando felt differently. Sad, homesick, and the difficulty of settling into site was compounded by our decisions. The next morning, saying goodbye, there were tears. Orlando had sent me a text earlier in the week saying "You'll always be part of G21, Boss." I hadn't really thought about that, about losing the group, until then.

Taking off from Asuncion, almost seven days ago now, looking down at the city from the air for the first time (we had arrived at night), I was listening to my iPod and Mary Chapin Carpenter came on, singing "Almost Home." The beginning, and the refrain goes like this:

...holding on for such dear life,
Here's where I let go.
I'm not running,
I'm not hiding,
I'm not reaching,
I'm just resting in the arms of the great wide open,
Gonna pull my soul in,
And I'm almost home.

I cried a couple of tears in the moment, thinking a bit of what could have been. What would have been? I didn't know then, and I don't know now. But I know I'm here, and I'm fine, and I still feel good about my decision, almost two weeks after I made it.

I would never have survived in Paraguay. Soy el opuesto de tranquilo (I am the opposite of tranquilo). It's frightening how much. I arrived home on a flight on Sunday, September 3 at 10:30 a.m. By Monday at 11, I was already looking at cars for sale on Craigslist. Not just reading the ads, but actually driving to the next towns over to test drive two. My mom, thank god, understands me enough to know that I needed to do this to feel in control of my life, and came with me. By Tuesday night, I owned a new car and by Wednesday afternoon, it was registered. My biggest accomplishment since leaving Paraguay? Driving a stick shift for the first time in my life. With confidence. Through downtown Boston!

Now that I own a car again, I've chilled out a little. I'm spending time online, looking at job ads and trying to figure out what I'm going to do next. I applied to three restaurants for full-time server work while I do a job search. I was offered one job today and am going to follow up on the one I want tomorrow and then make a decision. Both would be okay money to tide me over. Yesterday, I hung out for a while on the ABC website doing electronic Lost puzzles, had dinner with my roommate and today I went to a farm with my best friend and her two kids. This Sunday, I'm going back to NYC with my sister and her husband for three days. I've definitely chilled a little.

My roommate and very good friend, god-love-her-and-fate, was not able to rent my room during the three months I was gone. She had 4 people make appointments and never show up and two more weirdos look at it. This month was the month she was going to freak out if she didn't find someone. Well, she did. I move back in on September 16. Today, I was thinking about that for the first time, really, and all of a sudden realized how estatically happy I am that I don't have look for a place to live or live with strangers or live with my parents. I can move right back into my room and my friendship and my wonderful home with her. What a gift.

I've received dozens of emails from people since I decided to come home. All, en serio, ALL, have been supportive and wonderful, and some even made me cry a little more. (I am seriously sick of crying.) Friends who I love dearly, but never expected poetry from, created messages worthy of publishing. Friends I hadn't heard from in a long time took a moment to write me a note. People I wasn't even sure were friends wrote messages that touched my heart, at its core.

And even more people are helping me with requests during this work transition. People I haven't talked to in years are emailing and asking if I need help connecting with jobs or help with my resume. This experience really has reminded me that I am surrounded by people who care. People are willing to take a moment from the busy-ness of their lives to help me. And I'm finding myself willing to ask for help, which is unusual for me. In this instance though, in this moment in my life, it is necessary. So I have given myself over to the universe a little and am hoping for the best. I think it will come. If it doesn't, at least I know I have the guts to make a decision, push through, and take charge of it myself. People who know me best would probably say I didn't need any reminding about this, but I doubt myself more than people know, and often need reminding...

My mom, standing in the kitchen at 6 a.m. one morning this week, said, "I seriously need to go on a diet. I've been eating like crazy because I was so worried about you coming home." I asked why, saying I thought she was happy about it. She said she was, but thought I'd have a hard tranisition and would be all upset and would need lots of support. I said, "Huh. But I'm fine." She said, "Yeah, you are. It's weird." It is weird. She's right. I've been thinking about that ever since we had that conversation. I'm wondering actually, if I'll have a delayed reaction. Will I be "fine" for 5 weeks, like I was in the beginning in Paraguay and then it will hit me? That I've given up being a PCV, given up fluency in Spanish, given up what I'll never know I've given up? Don't know, but that moment with Mom in the kitchen was funny.

2006 will be a year of winters for me. This calendar year, I will have 3. Tres inviernos. The first winter was spent applying to the Peace Corps. It was spent explaning to family and friends why I wanted to leave the U.S. again. Why I thought the Peace Corps was perfect for me. The second winter, my South American winter, was spent learning to be a Peace Corps trainee. It was spent speaking Spanish, riding in buses with holes in the floor, eating sugar and fried foods, and learning a new culture and then deciding to leave all that. And now, the third winter. I don't know yet what it will bring, but if you stay with me, we'll find out together. Three Winters. Tres Inviernos. What's next? Vamos a ver. We'll see.

Nos vemos. See you later.

Voy a regresar a EEUU

I´m going to return to the U.S. Yup. I am actually going to quit the Peace Corps. I can hardly believe it myself.

After reflection, an honest look at myself and my situation and talking it out a lot, I have decided to ET (early terminate) from the Peace Corps and come home.

This decision has actually been about 3 weeks in the making. After visiting Santa Maria the first time, I spent the two weeks left of training crying and contemplating as many of you know. I cried during site-visit debrief while discussing how we were feeling about placement (in front on my grande jefe) (this was a good thing and made my group really bond and talk about fears) and again during my final evaluation with my trainer. I even broke down one day in Guarani class with my Paraguayan professora. I have always been a cryer, so this was normal for me. So, I chalked this all up to the anxiety of going to site soon, leaving my group, being alone, etc. I seriously considered coming home during those weeks and said to a fellow trainee "If I went home right now, I would not be sad". Another woman in my group was seriously considering not swearing in and her level of angst and the group-think around it was enough to diminish my questions. So, I shrugged it off, mentioned it to a few of you in passing, and swore in anyway.

This last week has been emotional hell. Not because of the people here. They have been friendly and welcoming. Not because of the town itself, it is LOVELY and has internet, hot water and paved roads, everything I would ever need. It is because of what I am meant to do here.

I wrote this Sunday, August 27, in my journal after I finally forced myself to get out of bed. Never can I remember in 33 years of my life not wanting to get out of bed because of an inability to face the day. This is NOT who I am. I was making coffee in the kitchen and I went back to my room and wrote this:

I have made a terrible mistake. I love to travel, love to learn new cultures, and love to help other people. But, I hate talking to strangers, I hate "bothering" people, and I hate not knowing what is happening next. I am not cut out for this. It is not who I am. I am the person who works with a project group, designing a project with a community to engage them in bettering their community. I am the person who sits to the side, analyzes the needs of a group upon their asking and provides feedback. I am the person who liked being a director because it meant I was far less on the frontlines with the students. Holy Shit. What have I done? I do not belong here. I don't. It is not about being bored and uncomfortable. It is about not WANTING to spend 6 months developing nothing but relationships to MAYBE see if I can do something here.

So I finished writing that and then realized that every time the past few days that I had said to a fellow volunteer or had thought "I will give it until Thanksgiving" the VERY next thought has been "and then I can go home." This, I finally owned, and realized was a very strong message I had not been listening to.

So called my parents and asked them to call me back right away instead of waiting till 8 p.m. when we had a call scheduled. I cried waiting for the phone to ring and cried worse on the phone with them for almost an hour. They were totally objective, and then my mom said "Karen, you didn´t call us to talk this through with us. You called to tell us you have made a decision already." Insightful woman, my mother. Always has been.

And that is what I am doing. That other woman who almost did not swear in is also going to ET this week. If you quit the Peace Corps, they are supposed to have you on a flight home as soon as possible, so I will be touching down in Boston very soon.

I cannot blame the Peace Corps for this entirely. I definitely have some gripes, including the fact that they put us in a Municipal Project group and placed us in site literally one week after the current mayors had to resign for 3 months in order to run again. And, because it is epoca de elecciones, there is nothing going on with the Muni until after the elections November 19. And, if the mayor changes, there will be more uncertainty until he is settled in. This is the case in my Muni. And, nobody knows why I am there. Someone should be a stronger contact for me. Someone who knows why I am there to work and what specifically is the need for the town. There are three goals of the Municipal Development Project, and I would not be able to begin to meet them for at least 6 months, perhaps longer. During this time, I could give presentations in the high school, or sew with the Taller, or teach English, but none of these are things I came to do, and none of those things are sustainable development in which the people of the town create for themselves.

However, I romanticized this. I thought, oh, I can go live somewhere else AND make a difference. I thought the small things would be enough. Apparently not. If I was 23 or 25 and hadn´t lived abroad before, perhaps this would be different. I don´t know, and I never will. I wanted so badly to become fluent in Spanish, but even that desire isn´t enough to keep me here, another sign I´m listening to. And, I've learned something. I don't want to live abroad right now (perhaps not again) but I will still be a tourist, for sure. And, I don't want to be an island. In retrospect, in all my adventures, I've never been alone for very long. It doesn't suit me.
I was so genuine in my intents and so genuine during training. This has surprised me. But, as Maggie's dad told her during a phone call this week, "Sometimes we plan and then our plans change, and it just IS." What a strong truth. Estoy de acuerdo. (I agree.)

FAQs:

1. No, I have not given it enough time to truly know, TRULY, if I am making the right decision. I could be missing out on something great and I could be annoyed with my simple little life again in the US. I could be missing the opportunity to make a very real difference here. But, I don´t care enough about that to stay. That is a strong truth.

2. Yes, I have considered that this is out and out quitting; reneging on a "contract" I made with myself, the PC and the people of this town. I am not a quitter. There is a first time for everything, supongo (I guess). And right now, the desire to NOT waste 6 months or 2 years of my life and my time with family and friends and the possibility of doing good work at home, too far outweighs the rest of it. I can say that sin verguenza (without embarrassment).

3. No, this is not completely because there is NOTHING to do here right now. That is part of it. But in order to do development work, one needs to cultivate relationships. And in order to do that genuinely, one needs to WANT to get out of bed and be invigorated with the thought of meeting someone new today. I do not have that. And, the idea that a very small change in a town, or one or two presentations to the youth is enough has to be present. Right now, when I weigh the value of that against the value of me being home with my family and friends and not "missing" two years of my life, there is NO comparison.

4. No, I am not completey sure how I will answer those who ask, especially potential employers, why I quit the PC. I think I will say that the work wasn´t for me and the sacrifice of 2 years of my life at this point in where I am in my life wasnt clear to me until I got there and then I decided it was not worth it to me. Or I will say - It wasnt right for me. I made a mistake. And I will move on, I guess.

I was up half the night Sunday night, hasta dos o tres, thinking. I couldnt turn it off. I had made the decision Sunday afternoon for sure, and had told the other members of my group and everything via text message. I had even talked to a few of them who were really surprised, yet supportive. Because I'm Karen, the thoughts started swirling. What am I going to do for work? I have no car! The money I have will run out. I am appearing to everyone, including myself, like a nutcase who can´t just settle into a life for herself but instead bounces from thing to thing like someone with an alcohol problem. :) (okay, i just made that last one up.) Anyway, you know the drill. I was 99.9% sure, and the other .1% kept me up half the night. But then I woke up this morning, and my first thought wasnt to cry or to think, I need to go home! It was instead, "I am going home. It will be okay."

I couldn´t leave this country without first visiting my host family in Itá and telling them in person that I am going, especailly Alé, the 10 year old. Because of the swiftness of the process with the PC, I may not have been able to do that if I told them Monday. So, I stayed in site until early Wednesday a.m. which gave me time to tell people there that I was leaving and pack. Then I went Wednesday to Itá and met up there with Maggie, the other woman who is ETing. We spent the night with our Itá families, which was lovely. They asked all the right questions and listened to my answers and spent a lovely night with me eating awesome homemade pizza. Ale and I played some last mintue games of Uno and I gave her a photo of the group in a frame to remember me.

Right now, I'm in Asuncion and I just told PC that I'm going home. This plan also allowed some of our group, G21, to make it to the city to say goodbye. We had to visit the medical lab and give poop and pee and blood so the US government can be sure we didn't contract anything crazy here. Tomorrow morning, we have to get physicals with the doctor and do some more paperwork stuff. We also have to give back the money we haven't used, plus some, actually, since they pro-rate stuff. Long story. Then we get a ticket home (we'll know when either this afternoon or tomorrow) and we will either be on a plane Saturday night, Sunday morning or Monday at the worst.

Thank you so much for all your kind words and wicked support. If I wanted to stay here, your words of encouragement would have done the trick! I really hope you can support my decision as much as possible without thinking I suck. I have judged people in the past for not giving things enough time. I will never do that again.

I am looking forward to seeing many of you and talking to you. Last night before I fell asleep, I realized that to my list of identity characteristics, I have just added "Peace Corps Quitter." How weird. I will learn from this, as I have from everything else I have done. No doubt.

I will post again after I've finished this journey of leaving the PC. Even this is an adventure. Stool samples aren't easy to give! Especially in the middle of the day when one has already had a satisfying poop that morning...coffee does the trick! :) And it poured rain this morning as we were lugging our bags onto a local bus on the street in Ita. It just never ends. There will be more to this story, I'm sure, before my feet are on US soil once again.

If anyone has a car or a job for sale, shoot me an email! :) Hasta.

¿Que estoy pasando?

What am I doing?

I have no idea. I arrived in Santa Maria on Tuesday at 4:30 on the direct bus from Asunción. It was a totally uneventful trip. I took a taxi from the Peace Corps office to the terminal where I sat and talked to an English-speaking Parguayan guy who had studied in Bolivia, ate some lunch, had my shoes shined by a shoe-shine boy and finally boarded the bus at about noon. I had met the driver during my last trip to Santa Maria, so I was all set.

Once I arrived, I walked the 1/2 block to my new home, the casa de Ña Není. This 61 year old retired teacher lives alone in a rather large, rather nice home and I moved into the spare bedroom. It´s a great room, actually, and I settled in right away. I went over to talk with Deybi and Ña Eva, who I stayed with last trip and said hello and they said welcome and all that.

On my way back home, I stopped to talk to Prota and drink some terere with her outside her store. I met her the last time I was here, and she looks so much like Paula McHale it´s scary, for those of you know know Paula. Anyway, I chatted with her and then went home for dinner. I went to bed early that night, for sure.

I went to the Muni the next day. Nobody really knows what to do with me there. The Intendente, or Mayor (which, funnily enough, means ¨janitor¨in Spanish in Mexico) had to quit last week because he is running for re-election. Rules say, you have to quit three months before the election. Someone from the city council stands in for you until the election. This basically means that the person who brought me here isn´t there anymore. My situation is better than some, though, because some of my group already know their mayor lost the primaries. Anyway, I´ve been to the Muni three days this week for an hour or two each time and I sort of talk to people and say hello and sit around, but I don´t really know why. For someone like me, this feels really really weird. But then again, if I was a rural health worker somewhere, it would be even less clear, I guess.

It is my goal to meet at least one new person and talk with them each day. So far, I´ve accomplished that. I met Prota the first day and talked with her (and that was only a little piece of a day). I met Cayetana, who is the link between Hays, Kansas and Santa Maria. They are sister cities and there is an organization in Asunción called Comité Kansas-Paraguay. I´ve not got the entire story on what the deal is with this, but it´s interesting. She´s interesting. She has visited Kansas a couple of times.

I met Candalaria, who took me home to her house after sewing with the Women´s Taller one day for terere. She is hosting Molly, an English 60-something woman who has been here 3 months teaching English. I then met Molly, who is interesting and kind and who has worse Spanish than I do. We talked only in Spanish, though, since we were there with Candalaria. I think she was getting a kick out of our bad Spanish. I visited Molly´s class the next morning with three students who have been studying English for a while. They all speak English quite well, actually. I was impressed. One of them is a teacher for adults at a night school and he teaches Molly Spanish 5 hours a week. I think on Monday, I´m going to talk to him about taking me on, too.

I met Patti, who works at the Muni and is very young. She´s married and has a 3 year old and she was really nice. We talked a lot the first day.

I met Vicenta today. She works in the Muni, at Margaret´s house (the other British woman who has lived in Santa Maria for 6 years now) and has another job too. She´s involved with the youth church group and invited me to their big event on September 2 with the youth from 3 other towns nearby. Since I think I want to work with youth here, I should probably go, but these young people are already involved and I want to capture the ones who aren´t yet. Vamos a ver.

Yesterday afternoon, I talked with the Intendente about my work and what he wanted me to do and asked about my ¨birth story¨or why I am here. He talked about wanting me to meet the people, learn about the town, get to know everyone and that the work would come later, after elections. He asked me what my big bosses at the Peace Corps want me to have done after 2 years here. I said that they want me to understand more about Paraguay and to bring that knowledge back to the people of the United States. They also want me to have helped the people of Paraguay and for the people to have learned about the US. These are the three metas (goals) of the PC, I told him. He was glad to hear it. He said that I have information that can help them and that they want to understand more about the US. He is very tranquillo. After I talked with him, I felt better. Someone local had given me permission to just talk with folks, figure out who people are and let people get to know me. My trainers had said this, but to hear it from my local contact felt legitimizing.

I am right now in San Ignacio, the big town close to me. I have walked around some and tried to figure out what is available to me in the way of goods and services. There are a few furniture stores and some other larger stores with good stuff for when I have my own place.

I haven´t mentioned it yet, but here, people follow you around the store when you are looking. Seriously follow you, very very close behind you, like less than a step behind. I have to shake my hatred of this. It brings up feelings from home about who gets followed and why and from when I was followed when I was younger or dressed dodgily in college. Here it is just normal practice.

I am pretty confused and pretty lonely. I know that for the first 3 months I am supposed to make friends, get to know people, learn the town, and basically build trust and credibility. But man does three months feel like a long time to do ¨nothing¨. Even though it isn´t nothing, it sort of feels like it. I have been in good touch via text message with my friends from my training group, and many of them are feeling the same. I am really hoping it passes, because right now, this feeling is a bit overwhelming.

This is for sure the hardest thing I have ever done, hands down. I cannot imagine what would be harder than this. I have just rocked up in a town all by myself and now I have to figure out what my work is and how I can help people to BE more. How will I do this? I have never had fewer answers in my life or felt more clueless. I am not in total dispair, but I feel on the brink every now and then. This is what it is SUPPOSED to be like, I know. That is what is getting me through.

More in a week or so. I´m recording in my planner what I do each day and how I feel each day, so I won´t forget later when I´m astoundingly happy how hard the first days were. :)

Love. Missing.

Un fin de semana en Asuncion

This has just been like a little vacation. These are some things I've done between Friday after swearing in and Tuesday morning right before heading out to site to really begin living in Paraguay.

-- Eaten a proper chef salad.

-- Seen "The Break Up" with Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn in English in a proper movie theatre.

-- Eaten a brownie a la mode.

-- Watched the Yankees masacre the Red Sox in the top of the 10th with a three run homer on ESPN.

-- Had hot water run out of the sink tap in the hotel!

-- Eaten chinese food.

-- Sat in a sidewalk cafe drinking cappucino.

-- Printed a few shots from my digital camera memory card.

-- Watched the sunset from the roof of the hotel.

-- Played MAFIA with my group of volunteers. (A game that I have always played with student leaders where I've worked.)

-- Walked all over downtown Asuncion and gotten to know it.

-- Had beer spilled all over me.

-- Went to a British pub.

-- Spoken almost exclusively English except when ordering food or talking with a vendor/business person.

It's been a great "last" weekend. It's been a bit of a teary goodbye. I feel ready to go, and scared at the same time. I've been gone from the States for almost exactly 3 months, yet my real life and work in Paraguay will begin this afternoon.

Stay with me. I think there's a lot to come.

...so help me...

Well, I swore in! I repeated after the American ambassador to Paraguay and swore to uphold the consititution of the United States, guard against enemies foreign and domestic and do my duty to the best of my ability. I ended the oath with "So help me..." and dropped the "God" off the end (as did many of my fellow trainees) in an attempt to keep church and state separate. What is up with our oaths, anyway? Bibles, God, huh?

The ceremony was at the Ambassador's residence on the grounds of the U.S. Embassy here in Asuncion, which is a huge embassy because they ran Operation Condor out of here in the 70s. The residence is lovely with a huge back yard. There is a big patio in the front with a cute waterfall and trees. All over the grounds are trees with little signs saying what type of tree it is like an aboretum. There's a long, winding driveway that runs past the main offices after you pass through the gate off the main drag, Avendida Mariscal Lopez. The plaque on the gate says "Embassy of the United States of America -- 1776" as you drive in. There is a swimming pool along the drive which is open for our use whenever we want to use it (score!).

Before the ceremony, I went to use the bathroom. There were these little soaps wrapped in cellophane. I thought, Ooh, I can steal a soap from the Ambassador's residence as a little momento. But as I put it in my purse, I said outloud, There's prolly a camera in here... and smiled and put it back. Last thing I need to for the Embassy to know I steal soap. That's a great image of the Peace Corps. Or, on second thought, maybe they would increase our budget if they knew we needed to steal soap!

We were greeted by the Country Director Michael and then the Ambassador, who gave a really informative speech about what the U.S. projects and interests are here in Paraguay and then how we fit into that. It was actually awesome. Then, after he swore us in, one of my fellow volunteers (no longer trainees) addressed us as well. He did a great job. Then we went out back for lots of food and the best damn cake I ever ate.

Afterwards, we had to come back to the Peace Corps Office, which is about a 10 minute walk from the Embassy. We had to walk because there wasn't room for rides like there was on the way there. As we were walking, all the staff were driving by us and laughing. We created a little human barrier in the drive to not let our main boss by, and he just laughed. Then our trainer, Rob, drove by and said, Spell this! C-A-T-T-L-E! (We've been in such group think mode for 3 months, we are like cattle.) The next van that went by fits 14 people and only Richard and Lisa, our two head trainers were in it. They made the mistake of slowing down...we opened the sliding door and all piled in while they were saying, No, we can't take you because of liability! Whatever. We totally staged a coup and took over the van. They drove us back, and when we passed the other volunteers on the street, we yelled SUCKERS!, met by their incredulous looks -- and that was worth the whole thing.

Once back at the PC Office, we had to pick up our bank cards (our salaries are deposited once a month into the bank and then we go cobrar (collect) at an ATM close to our sites -- mine is only 30 min away by bus). Then we had to sign our official PC IDs and put in our requests for our cell phones. I'll get my ID and phone in another month or so, the next time I come into Asuncion.

We checked into the hotel, the Asuncion Palace, which is old and very very cool. The last time I stayed in town for the 4th of July, we stayed at the Alpes, which is also nice, but different. This place is OLD. I really like it. We have these cool wooden lourve doors off our room out to a balcony and we can see the river and the sun set last night was AMAZING. It's nice to be in a hotel for a few nights before heading out to site. We get special PC price, so for a triple room, it is 45,000G per night, or about $8. No clue how much it is for normal people, but not that much more than that and it includes breakfast.

Last night, we went to the Britannia Pub, a very cool British Pub in Asuncion, which felt like it wasn't in Paraguay. We had a good time, and Brandon and I left around 11:30, much earlier than everyone else. I have a head cold and didn't feel like drinking. Brandon is 22 and doesn't drink and so I knew he was my ticket back to the hotel to walk together. (After dark, not safe to walk alone - lo mismo de en EEUU (the same as in the States).) Others were pretty celebratory, to put it mildly. Hee hee.

We are all over the place because many of us still don't feel like it is completely real yet and others are just ready to GO! I am getting more excited now to go back to my site and start up the next 2 years of my life, doing good work with Paraguayans for their community.

So, I am unable to post photos from the ceremony because I have packed away my cord for my phone in god knows what bag. We had to prepare to leave Ita by packing everything and then knowing which things were going where. Each of us is getting a site-visit in the next two months by our boss to officially present us to our community. Mine isn't until October 5. So, that means, whatever I don't take with me to site on Tuesday is going to be delivered to me on October 5, six weeks from now! Augh. I only packed essentials to bring here in the first place, really, and everything only weighed 68 pounds when I checked onto the plane in Miami. BUT, I have received about a hundred different manuals and books, a mosquito net in a bag, a first aid kit in a little mini briefcase thing, and tons of other stuff. I have bought a full-size bed pillow, an amazing hand weaved blanket, and an extra pair of shoes (in Miami). What to do?

I bought a typical Paraguayan market bag. They are made of a strong plastic, and have a zip on top. I bought the large one, which is about 3 feet tall by about 8 inches wide, and when you fill it, it stands on its own. They are actually a really good investment. It's full-up! I am going to lug my big backpack and the enormo duffel I borrowed from my brother to site with me. I'm pretty pleased the way it worked out, except that my phone cord is in long term storage right now until Tuesday morning, so, no photos!

Guarani: Che micro oseta 11:30 martespe. Che aguaheta Santa Mariape tardeve martespe. Che avy'a Paraguaipe. Espanol: Mi micro va a salir a las 11:30 el Martes. Voy a llegar en Santa Maria el Martes por la tarde. Estoy contenta en Paraguay. English: My bus will leave at 11:30 on Tuesday. I will arrive in Santa Maria on Tuesday afternoon. I am happy in Paraguay.

I am having lunch today with my new good friend Jenny Spencer. She is a Muni volunteer as well and is from Ohio. She went to the Kennedy School of Government and is one year ahead of me (my sister group). She is here in Asuncion to talk to her mom on the phone, which she is doing right now. Then we are going to the BOLSI for lunch, which is a little slice of heaven in downtown Asuncion. It's a GORGEOUS day out. The weather turned on Saturday from 100 degrees down to about 60 and we've had some rain, but mostly sun and cool weather ever since. I'm milking it for all it's worth before it gets ungodly hot again and I melt. If I make it through the first January here with the heat, I'll make it my whole two years without question.

Oh jeez! I almost forgot. Strossner died! He was the dictator here for 35 years. He has been in exile in Brazil since 1989 when his regime was overthrown. There was an article in the NYTimes this week. Here's the link:
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/08/16/world/americas/16cnd-stroessner.html?ex=1313380800&en=ed9da4578ae53841&ei=5090&partner=rssuserland&emc=rss
Many Paraguayans believe that they were "better off" under Strossner because there were "no ladrones y podemos dormir afuera y no necesitamos llevear nuestras casas" (no theives and we could sleep outside and we didn't need to lock our houses). All of that was true, but here were alot a lot of problems with how to he kept that state in place. Democracy is VERY young here and it is a long, slow haul. I can't believe I'm here and can make a difference in that process.

Mayoral elections take place in November, and the Presidential elections here will happen in 2008, so these two years are very important. It's a gift, really, to be here now. I hope I can continue to see it that way and not get bogged down in the difficulty of it. It is amazing how much we take democracy for granted (even though we clearly don't do it entirely right -- although we THINK we do!).

I'm off to site on Tuesday. I will keep the student leaders around the US in my thoughts as you all prepare for another group of first-years to arrive. I will keep the college administrators in my thoughts too, as you too, greet another group of millenials to your campuses! To the public school teachers and guidence counselors in my life: enjoy another opening! To those who work on a calendar year: keep on keepin' on, I guess. :)

Those who can, do me this favor: Remind the students to think about their civic rights and why it's amazing they are American. Engage them in discussions about the elections in November and how important they are even if they can't vote yet. Remind them they can influence their own country and in other parts of the world (Paraguay) that this is NOT a given. (Those who don't work with students could do the same thing with those around you, even though you'll prolly be seen as a nutcase!)

I'm not meaning to preach, but on the eve of my departure to the "campo" of Paraguay, to live and work with people trying hard to make their local government work and get roads that aren't dirt and help the people in their community be able to make ends meet, I can't help but think of home and how we live and what we sometimes take for granted. And anyone reading this has the ability to remind people how lucky we are.

I'm feeling really philosophical, and reflective as I head out to my new home. Ojala (I hope) that everything will be fine. I think it will. Until next time...

all the primos (cousins) in my family in Itá.
my grupo de aspirates... group of trainees in asuncion during 4th of july weekend.
the beautiful huerta de la familia de kyle...the gorgeous fields of kyle´s family (a trainee)
my sewing project with the taller in santa maria...they are keeping it for me to finish!
the amazing Paraguayan sky!
me, trying my hand at hand weaving in Carapegua. Amazingly hard.
Hay monos en mi plaza en Santa Maria....There are monkey on my Plaza in Santa Maria!
And a salon named after me in Asuncion!

Podemos ir en paz...

We can go in peace.

This, my loyal readers, was the only phrase I was totally sure of during the entire Mass I attended Sunday night in Santa Maria. En serio -- really. I decided to go for two reasons, first because Demetria, one of the women here who was trying to find me a place to live asked me to go (she´s the church secretary) and two because I like going to mass in different languages (i once went in Vietnam, too). Well, different language is definitely the way to describe it, because the whole thing almost was in Guarani. I am seriously doubting the idea that I could EVER become fluent in Guarani. I´m worried enough about Spanish, but I must try to learn it because everyone here uses it.

Speaking of crazy language stuff, early morning Sunday, the 19-year-old I shared a room with this week was trying to get dressed in the pitch dark. I woke from a sleep and said to her, in ENGLISH ¨Patricia, turn on the light if you want.¨She turned around and said, ¨¿Que? And, I, still half asleep, was able to say "Aprender la luz si vos queres.¨Then I rolled over and went back to sleep. I still can´t believe the whole thing happened. It was pretty funny.

I´m totally overwhelmed. I´m exhausted from speaking nothing but Spanish for a week and I´m totally doubting my ability to make a difference here for one and for two, whether they really need me. Santa Maria is pretty on top of things. I don´t really have an official ¨counterpart¨because the guy who came to the big Peace Corps meeting and took me back to Sta. Maria is the Mayor´s nephew and doesn´t even work at the Muni. He isn´t really involved in anything, but is the husband of the Secretary of the Catastro (housing tax system) and a member of a very prominent family in town. He´s was really really nice to me. The family overall is great, even though I truly believe the dad thinks I´m stupid.

I find the men especially to not really have time for me because I can´t speak well. I think it is a worldwide thing to jump to the conclusion that because someone can´t speak the language well, it means they are stupid. The next time you talk to someone with a really thick accent or who clearly doesn´t have a lot of English, think of me! I´m the equivelent of that here in Paraguay, trying my damnedest to get ideas out of my head and through my mouth. And, desperately trying to understand what´s being said around me. It´s tough.

I figured out where I´m going to live. There´s a retired teacher who is 61. She has a great house and she lives alone. Her three daughters live elsewhere studying and working and she and her husband are separated. She has a great bedroom for me with a bed, table and chairs, armoire, armchair, fan and mosquito net. The door locks and so does the armoire. Her kitchen and bathroom are reallynice and she has hot water. I can use her kitchen and fridge and she´ll cook too. There´s a young English girl in Santa Maria (no clue why she´s leaving this month to go back home to college) and she lived with this woman for her first 2 months as well. I´m going to pay 300,000Gs a month, about $50 or 25% of my pay.

AND, there´s this great house that´s empty, too, right on the plaza, across from the police station and centro de salud (hospital) that´s for rent. The woman who owns it lives in San Ignacio, but she has a representiva in town who already has heard I´m interested. I can´t live alone till October, so we´ll see.

I´m totally fluctuating between excitement and fear. I questioned Sunday night for the first timein a while what the hell I´m doing here. Sometimes I think I know and other times I want Starbucks and a chat with someone who knows me.

I´m glad to be back in Itá today, I missed it. But that´s not good, though, because I´m tired already of missing things and I only have 2 weeks left here with the Cordes Lopez family. I´m going to miss them when I go. I´m sure Santa Maria will also feel like home soon enough and I´ll figure out a routine and a way to work. And, maybe I´ll plant a garden, definitely talk with neighbors, drink terere until I´m shaking from the caffeine yet thoroughly hydrated. Perhaps work with a new committee to plan a Comedor por Niños Pobres: a place for poor kids to have a healthy daily meal. This idea was already mentioned to me by Ña Eva, the mom in the family I stayed with, the Mayor´s sister.

We´ll see. What I know is this:

--The view in Santa Maria is gorgeous. There are cerros (hills) in the distance and lots of trees and it´s muy tranquillo - literal silence sometimes.

--There are monkeys who live in the trees on the Plaza. Someone brought 2 and now there are 8. They will literally come and take the bread from your hands. Amazing.

--I can talk to strangers. I can say ¨Soy voluntaria de Cuerpo de Paz. ¨¿Conoces Cuerpo de Paz? all day long.

--A three year old told me the reason I don´t have a novio (boyfriend) is because I´m too tall. Nice. Another three year old asked her mom why I talk funny.

--It is going to be very hard not to ride on a motorbike. This rule of Peace Corps worldwide, if broken, sends you right back to the States without passing GO or collecting $200. Everyone in Santa Maria has one and lots are the same type I owned in Thailand. I can get a free bicycle from CdP, which I´m going to do, pronto. It´s already killing me I can never accept a ride.

--I´m still happy. Questioning and doubting, but still happy. No te preocupes. (Don´t you worry.)

This week is crazy busy and next is my last week in Itá, but I´ll be back to write more before I move my life south to the tiny tranquillo town of Santa Maria, which will be my home and my work for 2 years.

Much love and missing. (tried for 20 minutes and totally annoyed the nice guy in the internet cafe and still couldn´t upload any photos! sorry peeps!)

Hola de Santa Maria de Fe

Hola, todos!

I have so much to say and no clue how to get it all down. I have only been here for 2 days and cannot believe how much I have already done. (I cannot find the apostrophe on this keyboard, hence the use of non-contracted words.)

Anyway, this place is muy tranquillo! I love it so far. The Intendente (Mayor) and the Funcionarios (Muni employees) seem great. I hung out there yesterday for only a ratito (short time) and again this morning for a few hours. Talked with some folks about their work and the like. I met the Director of the Colegio (high school) and we talked about me working with the students there. There is a need here for work with jovenes (the teenagers) because there is not much to do here. Right up my alley.

There is also this amazing Taller de Mujeres (workshop of women) here. They aplique by hand and then sew with machines these great stuff. Bags, potholders, key chains, tshirts, etc with scenes of Paraguay on them. They work every day from 7a to 10a and again from 1p to 4p. There are about 20 of them and they are GREAT. All ages. I just waltzed in, introduced myself and they handed me a scene to coser (sew). I have worked on it both days and since I am leaving Monday, they are keeping it for me so I can finish it at the end of August when I arrive back. I will NEVER be bored here as I can always go work in the Taller and have good chats with the women. They are already teaching me Guarani and were impressed with my rudimentary abilities. And, they are already looking for a boyfriend for me, por supuesto (of course!). In turn, I am making fun of their need for everyone to have a boyfriend. One woman, Demetria, took me home today to drink terere with her family and her daughter then took me to a volleyball game but I had to head home because it was getting dark.

Tomorrow I am going to visit the museum and then talk more with Demetria about where the heck I am going to live when I get here. I have to find my own family with whom to live for the first two months. Kinda a pain, actually.

There is more, but I am going to sign off now because I am having problems with Yahoo and have to figure out how to tell people this post is up. Hee hee.

Much love and missing and happiness in what will be my new home. Photos to follow when I get back to Ita.

Yo sé! Yo sé donde voy a vivir en Paraguay!

or in Guarani: Che aikuaa! Che aikuaa moó che aikota Paraguaipe.

I know! I know where I´m going to live in Paraguay! Santa Maria de Fé! (Saint Mary of Faith!)

As you can see from the above photos, it is a town in the south of Paraguay. If you look to the left to the little sticky in the first photo, you´ll see San Ignacio is nearby. You should be able to find this place on a good map of Paraguay and then just go up and over a little and you can mark a little spot so you´ll know where I am. :) Hee hee.

Santa Maria (without the Fé as it´s more commonly known) is in the Departmento of Missiones. It was originally a Jesuit reduction. There is a museum there from the old Jesuit Church and I live closest of everyone in my group to the Jesuit ruins, one of Paraguay´s claims to tourist fame. It is located 13 kms (7.8 miles) off the main ruta and the roads are open when it rains, which is more than many places in Paraguay can say!

There are a total of about 8000 people who live there. There´s the "centro" with about 1200 or 1400 and then 12 "campañias" with the other 6800 or so. It will cost me about 27,000Gs (about $5) to get to Asunción and only 6000Gs (about $1) to get to San Ignacio, where´s there´s everything I would ever need, pretty much. There is apparently internet in town, but that was told to me in my folder in a writing from 2005, so you never know what´s happening currently. We´ll see.

There is some English journalist lady named Margaret Hebbethlewaite who lives in town and teaches English and works there. No clue why. I said to someone "No! I don´t want to speak English!" and they said "No worries, she hates American English." Hee Hee.

Que mas? There´s loads of housing available in a reasonable price range when I´m ready to live on my own which is great. Santa Maria is a very safe town with very little crime (this was reported by the last volunteer who lived there in 2005 (he was a part of a different project, I´m the first Muni volunteer to live there)). There are no restuarants or hotels, but there is a project in town to try to change this to attract more tourists because of the cool Jesuit history there.

Initially, my contact person in town will be the Intendente or Mayor, Damian Garcia. He is interesting and active and is running for reelection. Someone in the Muni will be another one of my contacts once I get there and we all figure out together who´ll I´ll work best with.

They need help with: improvement of the muni social work programs, expansion of the cultural center and the library, increasing revenue, advancement of the tax collection system and working with neighborhood commissions. All of that is interesting to me, even the tax collection, más o menos, since it´d be a good skill to bring back to the States.

This is the CRAZY part. The woman I went to visit back in week 2 in Nueva Italia, Jenny, was there yesterday when we got our assignments. She has a friend from High School in the States who lived in Scotland for a while. While in Scotland, this friend met a Paraguayan named Rufino Olmedo. So when Jenny got here, she looked him up. He lives in Santa Maria, and Jenny has been to visit him! He is really active in the town and is listed in my packet as someone else to work with! How cool and weird is that? And, Jenny says my town is so beautiful and cute and awesome. I´m so blessed, I swear!

Que más? All the major cell phone companies get good reception in town. Yay. There is apparently a sugar cane factory only 3km away, and these tend to send a really awful baby puke smell into the air. Vamos a ver (We´ll see) how that goes. If it´s strong, I guess I´ll get used to that really quickly. :)

Money: I will earn 1,250,000Gs per month. This is roughly $208 per month. It should be enough. Housing there is about 150,000 to 200,000 a month, so that´s really good. I just found out that I get taxed on my living allowance as well as my montly readjustment that I earn for when I finish. Stupid US Government won´t even cut us a tax break when we go live somewhere to volunteer for 2 years. Crazy.

Well, people. That´s that. I hope you can find me on a map. Once I get to site, I´ll know more about communication and mail and stuff. It´s possible that you can send mail directly to my site...many PCVs do this. Kara, in Yuty, gets her mail in only 14 days from the States addressed like this: PEACE CORPS VOLUNTEER, YUTY, PARAGUAY. Seriously, that´s what they write. So great.

I´m off on Tuesday to visit my contact first in a retreat center and then to visit my site for 5 days. I´ll be gone Tuesday to Tuesday and will be back in good ole Itá on August 9 for only 10 more days then I officially swear in. So exciting. I´ll post a few more times before then, I am sure.

Much love and missing with LOADS OF EXCITEMENT!