I am spending 5 hours each night this week, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday in Uno Chicago Bar and Grill training classes. To work at Uno's you have to do 5 training shifts in the restuarant and 15 hours of class that includes a BarCode Alcohol Server Certification. Although I am ready to kill myself after 5 hours of menu item descriptions, I have respect for this program as it is the most thorough I've seen and is FANTASTIC that they train servers to actually serve alcohol.
Tonight:
So the trainer gave us these sheets on the first night...one for each section of the menu. And she said we'd fill them out as we went along, as a group, not a test, for us to keep for info. I'm a huge geek, of course, and had an extra five minutes today when I arrived early at class, so I filled in some of the sheets ahead of where we'd discussed because I was familiar with some stuff, having already done my in-restuarant training shifts.
I went to the bathroom. When I got back, she held them up and asked "Are these yours?" (How did she get them? I thought to myself. I thought they were under my other book.) "Yes," I answered. "You can't work ahead," said she. "Why not? They are my sheets," I replied. "You are supposed to do them with the group." I said, quietly, but in all seriousness, "Whatever."
What is worse? That I got in trouble in Pizza School for working ahead or that the only answer I could come up with in response was: "Whatever"? You decide.
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Friday, October 06, 2006
Porque pienso que Ellen DeGeneres es fantastico...y otros ideas
Why I think Ellen DeGeneres is fantastic....and other ideas.
I have never watched the Ellen show with any regularity, of course. But now, I've spent many a morning from 9 until 10 a.m. in my living room with the Queen of Pop Dancing and oxfords and tailored pants. It's really a pleasure. She is not only funny, but she is caring, compassionate, quirky and self-aware. The show is a serious breath of fresh air amongst all the crap that we find on television in general, let alone during the day.
This week, she spent one day with breast cancer survivors and their families working towards further awareness during this, Breast Cancer Awareness, month. She wore a pink sweater (unusal for her) and had four people who volunteered to cut their hair to donate to Locks for Love. The way she plays with guests is pleasing as well. She and Matthew Perry played tennis after his new show "Studio 60" promo interview.
The fact that I even have an opinion on daytime television scares me a little. I've been doing some other things that don't involve the couch or the tv, which is good. I went to see the first in a series in Boston this year called "Social Cinema" co-sponsored by Boston Cares, Hostelling International and WGBH. The documentary was called "The World According to Sesame Street" and it profiled how The Children's Television Workshop works with producers in other countries to produce international versions of Sesame Street. After the film, a children's programming professor from BU and a producer from the Children's Television Workshop in NYC both spoke and answered questions. Here's the link to info about the program and the films, which will also show on WGBH in New England, mostly on Tuesday nights at 10. http://www.bostoncares.org/AboutUs/index.php/citizen_academy/social_cinema/democracy_on_deadline.htm
I went to see Eve Ensler, creator of the Vagina Monologues, read from her new book, "Insecure at Last." She spoke in the Coolidge Corner Theatre, (http://www.coolidge.org/) of which I am a member, and was sponsored by the Brookline Booksmith, (http://www.brooklinebooksmith.com/) the best independent bookstore in Boston, in my opinion. Her book is about how we are totally obsessed with being secure and safe and that in fact, we are missing out on life and other gifts because of it. I left early, actually, because she was reading about Katrina and it was going on forever and ever. The first parts she read were good, though.
I volunteered at Jamaica Plain Open Studios last weekend. JP artists open their studio doors and congregate to sell their art all over the neighborhood on Saturday and Sunday. I sat on the rainy Sunday afternoon and greeted guests as they entered the Footlight Club, a local theatre in JP and sold raffle tickets to help support the Arts Council. I didn't end up buying anything, not even a pair of earrings, because I am trying so hard to keep spending under control. (http://www.jpopenstudios.com/) As a side note, Dorchester's Open Studios is the weekend of Oct. 21 and 22. This is my neighborhood. (http://www.thedac.org/dos2006).
I am waiting to get my work schedule at Uno at the middle to the end of next week, because I would really like to volunteer at a few other events that are highlighted on the Boston Cares website. I am attending a volunteer orientation there next Wednesday so I can begin to sign up for volunteer programs. Boston Cares is one of the organizations with whom I am interviewing for a position. I had my first interview Thursday and was told that I'd made it to the second round. The position is perfect for me and I'd really like to work with an organization such as this one. Take a look and sign up to volunteer while you are at it if you are here in Boston and have been putting off getting involved like many of us do. (www.bostoncares.org)
As another side note, the Life is Good Pumpkin Festival is on Boston Common on Saturday, October 21 and all the proceeds go to Camp Sunshine, a retreat for kids with life-threatening illnesses and their families. (http://www.campsunshine.org/) It's a great event. For more info, visit http://www.lifeisgood.com/festivals_pumpkin/ContentPlus.asp?cmd=CONTENT&articleID=195.
Speaking of Uno's, I'm almost done training. Just three days of what I'm cheekily calling "Pizza School" - 5 hour sessions three days this week about the menu, food, and other stuff - and I'll be on the floor alone, actually making some money. I had a great couple of training shifts this week and I'm reminded why I always loved to waitress. I haven't done it for almost 10 years now, but man, do I like it. I'm good at it and I enjoy it. I may be singing an entirely different tune relatively soon, considering I'm 10 years older, have never served full-time before, and it's HARD on the body and the mind. We'll see how I do. So far so good, though. It's like riding a bike. :)
I've been thinking about what I'm writing on this site. About how when I was away, the most mundane details of life were interesting to other people and how now, being in a US city, living in largely the same way as my audience, if that makes a difference, (or should) in how or what I write. I haven't decided yet. For now, I'm just plugging away, writing my musings and my thoughts down and figuring that in any case, I'll be glad I did if later I decide I'm actually going to make an attempt to write some sort of book or essay or something about this year.
It's definitely autumn. The leaves are turning and it's crisp out, especially at night. It's getting darker sooner and stupid, antiquated daylight-savings is coming soon. (Why the hell do we KEEP doing that? Why not just leave the sun ALONE?) School is in full swing and the colleges are just finishing up fall break. Family weekends have happened or are about to, and people have begun to talk about plans for Thanksgiving. We rented the house in Vermont and are already talking about when we'll go up for the first opening weekend of the season. I have started to be able to see the beginnings of my third winter of 2006. The winter of reflection. It follows the winter of applying and the winter of learning and leaving. So far, my time has been so full of logistics and worrying and figuring out what's next that I haven't had time for the reflection part. But I'm going to be mindful of it. I refuse to miss the reflection because I was too busy attacking the next step.
Let me know what you think. I'm interested. It's lonely sometimes here on the couch with only Ellen DeGeneres for company while everyone else is at work. Thanks for coming. Come again.
I have never watched the Ellen show with any regularity, of course. But now, I've spent many a morning from 9 until 10 a.m. in my living room with the Queen of Pop Dancing and oxfords and tailored pants. It's really a pleasure. She is not only funny, but she is caring, compassionate, quirky and self-aware. The show is a serious breath of fresh air amongst all the crap that we find on television in general, let alone during the day.
This week, she spent one day with breast cancer survivors and their families working towards further awareness during this, Breast Cancer Awareness, month. She wore a pink sweater (unusal for her) and had four people who volunteered to cut their hair to donate to Locks for Love. The way she plays with guests is pleasing as well. She and Matthew Perry played tennis after his new show "Studio 60" promo interview.
The fact that I even have an opinion on daytime television scares me a little. I've been doing some other things that don't involve the couch or the tv, which is good. I went to see the first in a series in Boston this year called "Social Cinema" co-sponsored by Boston Cares, Hostelling International and WGBH. The documentary was called "The World According to Sesame Street" and it profiled how The Children's Television Workshop works with producers in other countries to produce international versions of Sesame Street. After the film, a children's programming professor from BU and a producer from the Children's Television Workshop in NYC both spoke and answered questions. Here's the link to info about the program and the films, which will also show on WGBH in New England, mostly on Tuesday nights at 10. http://www.bostoncares.org/AboutUs/index.php/citizen_academy/social_cinema/democracy_on_deadline.htm
I went to see Eve Ensler, creator of the Vagina Monologues, read from her new book, "Insecure at Last." She spoke in the Coolidge Corner Theatre, (http://www.coolidge.org/) of which I am a member, and was sponsored by the Brookline Booksmith, (http://www.brooklinebooksmith.com/) the best independent bookstore in Boston, in my opinion. Her book is about how we are totally obsessed with being secure and safe and that in fact, we are missing out on life and other gifts because of it. I left early, actually, because she was reading about Katrina and it was going on forever and ever. The first parts she read were good, though.
I volunteered at Jamaica Plain Open Studios last weekend. JP artists open their studio doors and congregate to sell their art all over the neighborhood on Saturday and Sunday. I sat on the rainy Sunday afternoon and greeted guests as they entered the Footlight Club, a local theatre in JP and sold raffle tickets to help support the Arts Council. I didn't end up buying anything, not even a pair of earrings, because I am trying so hard to keep spending under control. (http://www.jpopenstudios.com/) As a side note, Dorchester's Open Studios is the weekend of Oct. 21 and 22. This is my neighborhood. (http://www.thedac.org/dos2006).
I am waiting to get my work schedule at Uno at the middle to the end of next week, because I would really like to volunteer at a few other events that are highlighted on the Boston Cares website. I am attending a volunteer orientation there next Wednesday so I can begin to sign up for volunteer programs. Boston Cares is one of the organizations with whom I am interviewing for a position. I had my first interview Thursday and was told that I'd made it to the second round. The position is perfect for me and I'd really like to work with an organization such as this one. Take a look and sign up to volunteer while you are at it if you are here in Boston and have been putting off getting involved like many of us do. (www.bostoncares.org)
As another side note, the Life is Good Pumpkin Festival is on Boston Common on Saturday, October 21 and all the proceeds go to Camp Sunshine, a retreat for kids with life-threatening illnesses and their families. (http://www.campsunshine.org/) It's a great event. For more info, visit http://www.lifeisgood.com/festivals_pumpkin/ContentPlus.asp?cmd=CONTENT&articleID=195.
Speaking of Uno's, I'm almost done training. Just three days of what I'm cheekily calling "Pizza School" - 5 hour sessions three days this week about the menu, food, and other stuff - and I'll be on the floor alone, actually making some money. I had a great couple of training shifts this week and I'm reminded why I always loved to waitress. I haven't done it for almost 10 years now, but man, do I like it. I'm good at it and I enjoy it. I may be singing an entirely different tune relatively soon, considering I'm 10 years older, have never served full-time before, and it's HARD on the body and the mind. We'll see how I do. So far so good, though. It's like riding a bike. :)
I've been thinking about what I'm writing on this site. About how when I was away, the most mundane details of life were interesting to other people and how now, being in a US city, living in largely the same way as my audience, if that makes a difference, (or should) in how or what I write. I haven't decided yet. For now, I'm just plugging away, writing my musings and my thoughts down and figuring that in any case, I'll be glad I did if later I decide I'm actually going to make an attempt to write some sort of book or essay or something about this year.
It's definitely autumn. The leaves are turning and it's crisp out, especially at night. It's getting darker sooner and stupid, antiquated daylight-savings is coming soon. (Why the hell do we KEEP doing that? Why not just leave the sun ALONE?) School is in full swing and the colleges are just finishing up fall break. Family weekends have happened or are about to, and people have begun to talk about plans for Thanksgiving. We rented the house in Vermont and are already talking about when we'll go up for the first opening weekend of the season. I have started to be able to see the beginnings of my third winter of 2006. The winter of reflection. It follows the winter of applying and the winter of learning and leaving. So far, my time has been so full of logistics and worrying and figuring out what's next that I haven't had time for the reflection part. But I'm going to be mindful of it. I refuse to miss the reflection because I was too busy attacking the next step.
Let me know what you think. I'm interested. It's lonely sometimes here on the couch with only Ellen DeGeneres for company while everyone else is at work. Thanks for coming. Come again.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Yo hago las cosas mas complicadas
I make things more complicated.
I know I do. It's a curse, really. These last few days have been difficult, confusing, busy, boring, scary and full of freedom. This is an exercise in patience and self-confidence as well as how I see and understand myself, the people around me and my world.
I have not had one dime come in since I arrived back in the U.S. I have only had money go out in bills, buying a car, buying groceries and gas. I have been home almost 4 weeks. This is scary for just about anyone, let alone someone like me, who always saves more than she spends and who worries about money on a good day. I have spent time looking at job listings and applying for positions that really interest me. I have had three interviews, been offered a full-time professional position which I turned down, have two more interviews next week, have begun one restaurant job, quit that one, and begin another on Sunday. I have reviewed my resume with a friend of a friend and I have tried to set up informational interviews. I have been exercising some and sleeping plenty and have started playing around with writing about my experience in the Peace Corps.
I had dinner with my parents the other night (mom brought home lobsters!) and we talked about why I shouldn't been freaking out yet. They are being really supportive and have even offered for me to live there again for free if I need to. I don't want to do that. There's this triangle theory of happiness. It says that there are three parts of anyone's life that need to be sorted out in order for true happiness to be achieved. One is your home, one is your relationship and one is your work. If you have at least one of these at any given time, you'll be okay. If you have two, even better, and three, you are truly happy. Right now I have one. Home. I like it here in my house in Boston. I have no relationship at the moment and I obviously don't have meaningful work. So if I give up the Home part and move back in with my parents, I think I'd be in bad shape very quickly. So I'm not going to do that. Yet. Ever. Hopefully.
I have been projecting onto others that they are disapproving of what I am doing and what I've done and then I'm internalizing it. I've created a vicious cycle all my own without anyone else's involvement and I'm suffering because of it. I am obviously worried that people think I should be working by now or that I should be doing something different than I am doing. I feel a little out of control, and I'm a control freak. But there's nothing else I could be controlling. :) What a predicament. It's funny. I have to laugh at myself. My mother said "If you want to freak out, go ahead..." What is that going to help? Nothing.
So, I am making things more complicated than they have to be. I think I need to take a deep deep breath, and then breathe it out. And then, remember that I have enough money to get through another couple of months without any money coming in, and I will be earning money waiting tables after training in another two weeks. I need to remember that I have already, in only three weeks, had positive response from three different non-profit job opportunities, which can't possibly be a fluke. I need to remember that it's never easy. Life is a challenge. I have my health. I have family. I have enough money. I have the ability to borrow if need be. It's hard to remember to breathe sometimes.
Estoy tratando estar mas tranquilo. I am trying to be calmer. We'll see how it goes.
I know I do. It's a curse, really. These last few days have been difficult, confusing, busy, boring, scary and full of freedom. This is an exercise in patience and self-confidence as well as how I see and understand myself, the people around me and my world.
I have not had one dime come in since I arrived back in the U.S. I have only had money go out in bills, buying a car, buying groceries and gas. I have been home almost 4 weeks. This is scary for just about anyone, let alone someone like me, who always saves more than she spends and who worries about money on a good day. I have spent time looking at job listings and applying for positions that really interest me. I have had three interviews, been offered a full-time professional position which I turned down, have two more interviews next week, have begun one restaurant job, quit that one, and begin another on Sunday. I have reviewed my resume with a friend of a friend and I have tried to set up informational interviews. I have been exercising some and sleeping plenty and have started playing around with writing about my experience in the Peace Corps.
I had dinner with my parents the other night (mom brought home lobsters!) and we talked about why I shouldn't been freaking out yet. They are being really supportive and have even offered for me to live there again for free if I need to. I don't want to do that. There's this triangle theory of happiness. It says that there are three parts of anyone's life that need to be sorted out in order for true happiness to be achieved. One is your home, one is your relationship and one is your work. If you have at least one of these at any given time, you'll be okay. If you have two, even better, and three, you are truly happy. Right now I have one. Home. I like it here in my house in Boston. I have no relationship at the moment and I obviously don't have meaningful work. So if I give up the Home part and move back in with my parents, I think I'd be in bad shape very quickly. So I'm not going to do that. Yet. Ever. Hopefully.
I have been projecting onto others that they are disapproving of what I am doing and what I've done and then I'm internalizing it. I've created a vicious cycle all my own without anyone else's involvement and I'm suffering because of it. I am obviously worried that people think I should be working by now or that I should be doing something different than I am doing. I feel a little out of control, and I'm a control freak. But there's nothing else I could be controlling. :) What a predicament. It's funny. I have to laugh at myself. My mother said "If you want to freak out, go ahead..." What is that going to help? Nothing.
So, I am making things more complicated than they have to be. I think I need to take a deep deep breath, and then breathe it out. And then, remember that I have enough money to get through another couple of months without any money coming in, and I will be earning money waiting tables after training in another two weeks. I need to remember that I have already, in only three weeks, had positive response from three different non-profit job opportunities, which can't possibly be a fluke. I need to remember that it's never easy. Life is a challenge. I have my health. I have family. I have enough money. I have the ability to borrow if need be. It's hard to remember to breathe sometimes.
Estoy tratando estar mas tranquilo. I am trying to be calmer. We'll see how it goes.
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Estoy pensando sobre muchas cosas...
I am thinking about lots of things...
Two weeks now. That's how long I've been back in the U.S. I've driven a car, seen a movie, eaten lobster, thrown toilet paper in the toilet again, shopped in a huge grocery store, walked in high heels all day, moved all my belongings (again!), gotten a little drunk with my friends and family, told my Peace Corps story more times than I can count, hidden from my Peace Corps recruiter who I saw on the subway because I couldn't deal with having to tell her the story that day, looked for jobs, and written a long email in what I'm sure is rapidly failing Spanish to my host family in Ita. I think the most difficult of that list has been the high heels. En serio.
Life feels really normal. Too normal? I'm not sure. I'm a little worried that if I don't pay attention, I won't have learned anything from this experience, and instead, I'll just have "spent 3 months in Paraguay one time." I am honing how I answer the question about why I'm home. It's coming a little bit easier on the tongue each time I say it. I still struggle with the quitting. I know, I know, everyone keeps telling me that I tried, I didn't quit. And that's true. But it's also true that I quit. I guess I can live with it at the moment because I didn't know. I didn't know that the timing would be so off and I didn't know that I would hate being an island. That's informing me as I do this job search. I know I need colleagues and comrades, especially if I'm going to do a job that's challenging or difficult, like the ones I've interviewed for so far.
Today, I drove for the first time past the Jamaica Plain pond in Boston. I love that place. It gives me peace and solace. I can walk the path around the pond and think. And I also walked through JP today, down Centre Street. There were people pushing baby carriages, and a whole line of people sitting on the bright red bench outside of Emack & Bolios eating ice cream. It was about 82 degrees out today and the sun was shining. I went into Boomerang's, the awesome thrift store (all the money goes to AIDS Action), and they had added an extra room in the time I'd been gone. I walked down to the Centre Street Cafe and got an application to work there. I think I may be waitressing for a while until I find a job. I've always loved waitressing. I love the people, and serving them and giving them a good meal and a good experience. I think going out to eat is one of the great pleasures in life and I love to enable other people to have that, too.
After that, I walked back to the car, and a woman outside the real estate office asked if I wanted a Deval Patrick lawn sign (he's running for Governor of Massachusetts and the primary elections are Tuesday). I told her no, thanks, but that I was voting for Patrick...she smiled and waved and said "Thanks!" It felt good, the simplicity and the basic-ness of the interaction.
I miss speaking Spanish. I'm acutely aware of it every day and even more aware that I'm losing more and more each day that passes and that I'm not doing anything about it. My schedule has been so up in the air that I haven't bothered to connect with my mother's three Spanish-speaking friends. I've unpacked, so I know where my Spanish books are and I could be using them right now instead of writing this with "Cliffhanger" with Sylvester Stallone On-Demand in the background. But I'm not. What's that about? Is it hopelessness? That I won't be able to learn as much as I did there? That I will never be totally fluent? Or am I avoiding it for another reason? I have no idea yet. One of the jobs I'm currently intervieiwing for would allow me to use Spanish, which would give me a kick in the ass...
I sat in the backyard today, of my home. The one I lived in for a year before I left for Paraguay and the one in which I live now, again. I swung on the swing and read an Entertainment Weekly. I listened to the squirrels eating and throwing the acorns down with a rapidness that surprised me. I talked with my roommate and together we tried to get a splinter out of her finger. Then I cooked shrimp with zuchini and onions over penne pasta and sat at the table in the backyard and ate it slowly. And now, I write this from the livingroom couch, on my roommate's laptopthat she bought while I was gone on the wireless internet that she finally cracked and had installed in the apartment. I'm incredibly priveleged. I have everything I need and if I didn't, I know someone from whom I could borrow it. I need to spend more time reflecting on that.
This fall has a lot to offer, if I open my eyes, listen to the messages and let the universe interfere. I hope I have enough courage to do that. People think I'm brave. First for going and then for coming home. I'm not. I'm practical. And self-serving. And family-oriented. Sure, I travel alone, and I take risks like other people change their clothes, but I don't think that makes me brave. A little crazy, maybe...but brave I'd argue with.
It's 11 p.m., Cliffhanger is almost over and I'm tired. I'll be back, though.
Two weeks now. That's how long I've been back in the U.S. I've driven a car, seen a movie, eaten lobster, thrown toilet paper in the toilet again, shopped in a huge grocery store, walked in high heels all day, moved all my belongings (again!), gotten a little drunk with my friends and family, told my Peace Corps story more times than I can count, hidden from my Peace Corps recruiter who I saw on the subway because I couldn't deal with having to tell her the story that day, looked for jobs, and written a long email in what I'm sure is rapidly failing Spanish to my host family in Ita. I think the most difficult of that list has been the high heels. En serio.
Life feels really normal. Too normal? I'm not sure. I'm a little worried that if I don't pay attention, I won't have learned anything from this experience, and instead, I'll just have "spent 3 months in Paraguay one time." I am honing how I answer the question about why I'm home. It's coming a little bit easier on the tongue each time I say it. I still struggle with the quitting. I know, I know, everyone keeps telling me that I tried, I didn't quit. And that's true. But it's also true that I quit. I guess I can live with it at the moment because I didn't know. I didn't know that the timing would be so off and I didn't know that I would hate being an island. That's informing me as I do this job search. I know I need colleagues and comrades, especially if I'm going to do a job that's challenging or difficult, like the ones I've interviewed for so far.
Today, I drove for the first time past the Jamaica Plain pond in Boston. I love that place. It gives me peace and solace. I can walk the path around the pond and think. And I also walked through JP today, down Centre Street. There were people pushing baby carriages, and a whole line of people sitting on the bright red bench outside of Emack & Bolios eating ice cream. It was about 82 degrees out today and the sun was shining. I went into Boomerang's, the awesome thrift store (all the money goes to AIDS Action), and they had added an extra room in the time I'd been gone. I walked down to the Centre Street Cafe and got an application to work there. I think I may be waitressing for a while until I find a job. I've always loved waitressing. I love the people, and serving them and giving them a good meal and a good experience. I think going out to eat is one of the great pleasures in life and I love to enable other people to have that, too.
After that, I walked back to the car, and a woman outside the real estate office asked if I wanted a Deval Patrick lawn sign (he's running for Governor of Massachusetts and the primary elections are Tuesday). I told her no, thanks, but that I was voting for Patrick...she smiled and waved and said "Thanks!" It felt good, the simplicity and the basic-ness of the interaction.
I miss speaking Spanish. I'm acutely aware of it every day and even more aware that I'm losing more and more each day that passes and that I'm not doing anything about it. My schedule has been so up in the air that I haven't bothered to connect with my mother's three Spanish-speaking friends. I've unpacked, so I know where my Spanish books are and I could be using them right now instead of writing this with "Cliffhanger" with Sylvester Stallone On-Demand in the background. But I'm not. What's that about? Is it hopelessness? That I won't be able to learn as much as I did there? That I will never be totally fluent? Or am I avoiding it for another reason? I have no idea yet. One of the jobs I'm currently intervieiwing for would allow me to use Spanish, which would give me a kick in the ass...
I sat in the backyard today, of my home. The one I lived in for a year before I left for Paraguay and the one in which I live now, again. I swung on the swing and read an Entertainment Weekly. I listened to the squirrels eating and throwing the acorns down with a rapidness that surprised me. I talked with my roommate and together we tried to get a splinter out of her finger. Then I cooked shrimp with zuchini and onions over penne pasta and sat at the table in the backyard and ate it slowly. And now, I write this from the livingroom couch, on my roommate's laptopthat she bought while I was gone on the wireless internet that she finally cracked and had installed in the apartment. I'm incredibly priveleged. I have everything I need and if I didn't, I know someone from whom I could borrow it. I need to spend more time reflecting on that.
This fall has a lot to offer, if I open my eyes, listen to the messages and let the universe interfere. I hope I have enough courage to do that. People think I'm brave. First for going and then for coming home. I'm not. I'm practical. And self-serving. And family-oriented. Sure, I travel alone, and I take risks like other people change their clothes, but I don't think that makes me brave. A little crazy, maybe...but brave I'd argue with.
It's 11 p.m., Cliffhanger is almost over and I'm tired. I'll be back, though.
Friday, September 08, 2006
Seis dias en mi pais ahora...
Six days in my country now...
I've just returned home from the grocery store, where I bought eggs and bacon and milk and english muffins and orange juice because my sister and her husband are coming for the weekend and we have nothing in the house to feed them. (Oh my god, my sister and her HUSBAND. I haven't seen them since the wedding weekend... how weird!) On the way to the grocery store, I was thinking about how strange it is, and how normal it is to be here, at home, in the United States.
Leaving Asuncion wasn't easy. Some friends from G21 had come to the city from their sites to say goodbye. We had a fun last night, drinking beers and eating fries covered in cheese and onions and garlic at the Brit Pub. Poor Kimberly had had a medical appointment that day to help stop her bloody noses, so she was tired and went home early. Jim and Orlando, Brad and Maggie and I stayed out for a while longer and then headed back to the hotel to get some sleep.
I hadn't thought a lot about how our departure would affect the other people in our Muni group. It had crossed my mind, but only for a moment in the flurry of ETing. There were only 7 of us, and now there would be only 5. We were meant to be each others' support, each others' family for 2 whole years. Kimberly, Jim and Orlando shared that they were sad and upset about it. Kimberly bravely shared that she was angry. She had invested time and energy into a relationship with me (I was closest to her during training) and now I was leaving her. I appreciated her ability to share that feeling that night. Jim and Orlando felt differently. Sad, homesick, and the difficulty of settling into site was compounded by our decisions. The next morning, saying goodbye, there were tears. Orlando had sent me a text earlier in the week saying "You'll always be part of G21, Boss." I hadn't really thought about that, about losing the group, until then.
Taking off from Asuncion, almost seven days ago now, looking down at the city from the air for the first time (we had arrived at night), I was listening to my iPod and Mary Chapin Carpenter came on, singing "Almost Home." The beginning, and the refrain goes like this:
...holding on for such dear life,
Here's where I let go.
I'm not running,
I'm not hiding,
I'm not reaching,
I'm just resting in the arms of the great wide open,
Gonna pull my soul in,
And I'm almost home.
I cried a couple of tears in the moment, thinking a bit of what could have been. What would have been? I didn't know then, and I don't know now. But I know I'm here, and I'm fine, and I still feel good about my decision, almost two weeks after I made it.
I would never have survived in Paraguay. Soy el opuesto de tranquilo (I am the opposite of tranquilo). It's frightening how much. I arrived home on a flight on Sunday, September 3 at 10:30 a.m. By Monday at 11, I was already looking at cars for sale on Craigslist. Not just reading the ads, but actually driving to the next towns over to test drive two. My mom, thank god, understands me enough to know that I needed to do this to feel in control of my life, and came with me. By Tuesday night, I owned a new car and by Wednesday afternoon, it was registered. My biggest accomplishment since leaving Paraguay? Driving a stick shift for the first time in my life. With confidence. Through downtown Boston!
Now that I own a car again, I've chilled out a little. I'm spending time online, looking at job ads and trying to figure out what I'm going to do next. I applied to three restaurants for full-time server work while I do a job search. I was offered one job today and am going to follow up on the one I want tomorrow and then make a decision. Both would be okay money to tide me over. Yesterday, I hung out for a while on the ABC website doing electronic Lost puzzles, had dinner with my roommate and today I went to a farm with my best friend and her two kids. This Sunday, I'm going back to NYC with my sister and her husband for three days. I've definitely chilled a little.
My roommate and very good friend, god-love-her-and-fate, was not able to rent my room during the three months I was gone. She had 4 people make appointments and never show up and two more weirdos look at it. This month was the month she was going to freak out if she didn't find someone. Well, she did. I move back in on September 16. Today, I was thinking about that for the first time, really, and all of a sudden realized how estatically happy I am that I don't have look for a place to live or live with strangers or live with my parents. I can move right back into my room and my friendship and my wonderful home with her. What a gift.
I've received dozens of emails from people since I decided to come home. All, en serio, ALL, have been supportive and wonderful, and some even made me cry a little more. (I am seriously sick of crying.) Friends who I love dearly, but never expected poetry from, created messages worthy of publishing. Friends I hadn't heard from in a long time took a moment to write me a note. People I wasn't even sure were friends wrote messages that touched my heart, at its core.
And even more people are helping me with requests during this work transition. People I haven't talked to in years are emailing and asking if I need help connecting with jobs or help with my resume. This experience really has reminded me that I am surrounded by people who care. People are willing to take a moment from the busy-ness of their lives to help me. And I'm finding myself willing to ask for help, which is unusual for me. In this instance though, in this moment in my life, it is necessary. So I have given myself over to the universe a little and am hoping for the best. I think it will come. If it doesn't, at least I know I have the guts to make a decision, push through, and take charge of it myself. People who know me best would probably say I didn't need any reminding about this, but I doubt myself more than people know, and often need reminding...
My mom, standing in the kitchen at 6 a.m. one morning this week, said, "I seriously need to go on a diet. I've been eating like crazy because I was so worried about you coming home." I asked why, saying I thought she was happy about it. She said she was, but thought I'd have a hard tranisition and would be all upset and would need lots of support. I said, "Huh. But I'm fine." She said, "Yeah, you are. It's weird." It is weird. She's right. I've been thinking about that ever since we had that conversation. I'm wondering actually, if I'll have a delayed reaction. Will I be "fine" for 5 weeks, like I was in the beginning in Paraguay and then it will hit me? That I've given up being a PCV, given up fluency in Spanish, given up what I'll never know I've given up? Don't know, but that moment with Mom in the kitchen was funny.
2006 will be a year of winters for me. This calendar year, I will have 3. Tres inviernos. The first winter was spent applying to the Peace Corps. It was spent explaning to family and friends why I wanted to leave the U.S. again. Why I thought the Peace Corps was perfect for me. The second winter, my South American winter, was spent learning to be a Peace Corps trainee. It was spent speaking Spanish, riding in buses with holes in the floor, eating sugar and fried foods, and learning a new culture and then deciding to leave all that. And now, the third winter. I don't know yet what it will bring, but if you stay with me, we'll find out together. Three Winters. Tres Inviernos. What's next? Vamos a ver. We'll see.
Nos vemos. See you later.
I've just returned home from the grocery store, where I bought eggs and bacon and milk and english muffins and orange juice because my sister and her husband are coming for the weekend and we have nothing in the house to feed them. (Oh my god, my sister and her HUSBAND. I haven't seen them since the wedding weekend... how weird!) On the way to the grocery store, I was thinking about how strange it is, and how normal it is to be here, at home, in the United States.
Leaving Asuncion wasn't easy. Some friends from G21 had come to the city from their sites to say goodbye. We had a fun last night, drinking beers and eating fries covered in cheese and onions and garlic at the Brit Pub. Poor Kimberly had had a medical appointment that day to help stop her bloody noses, so she was tired and went home early. Jim and Orlando, Brad and Maggie and I stayed out for a while longer and then headed back to the hotel to get some sleep.
I hadn't thought a lot about how our departure would affect the other people in our Muni group. It had crossed my mind, but only for a moment in the flurry of ETing. There were only 7 of us, and now there would be only 5. We were meant to be each others' support, each others' family for 2 whole years. Kimberly, Jim and Orlando shared that they were sad and upset about it. Kimberly bravely shared that she was angry. She had invested time and energy into a relationship with me (I was closest to her during training) and now I was leaving her. I appreciated her ability to share that feeling that night. Jim and Orlando felt differently. Sad, homesick, and the difficulty of settling into site was compounded by our decisions. The next morning, saying goodbye, there were tears. Orlando had sent me a text earlier in the week saying "You'll always be part of G21, Boss." I hadn't really thought about that, about losing the group, until then.
Taking off from Asuncion, almost seven days ago now, looking down at the city from the air for the first time (we had arrived at night), I was listening to my iPod and Mary Chapin Carpenter came on, singing "Almost Home." The beginning, and the refrain goes like this:
...holding on for such dear life,
Here's where I let go.
I'm not running,
I'm not hiding,
I'm not reaching,
I'm just resting in the arms of the great wide open,
Gonna pull my soul in,
And I'm almost home.
I cried a couple of tears in the moment, thinking a bit of what could have been. What would have been? I didn't know then, and I don't know now. But I know I'm here, and I'm fine, and I still feel good about my decision, almost two weeks after I made it.
I would never have survived in Paraguay. Soy el opuesto de tranquilo (I am the opposite of tranquilo). It's frightening how much. I arrived home on a flight on Sunday, September 3 at 10:30 a.m. By Monday at 11, I was already looking at cars for sale on Craigslist. Not just reading the ads, but actually driving to the next towns over to test drive two. My mom, thank god, understands me enough to know that I needed to do this to feel in control of my life, and came with me. By Tuesday night, I owned a new car and by Wednesday afternoon, it was registered. My biggest accomplishment since leaving Paraguay? Driving a stick shift for the first time in my life. With confidence. Through downtown Boston!
Now that I own a car again, I've chilled out a little. I'm spending time online, looking at job ads and trying to figure out what I'm going to do next. I applied to three restaurants for full-time server work while I do a job search. I was offered one job today and am going to follow up on the one I want tomorrow and then make a decision. Both would be okay money to tide me over. Yesterday, I hung out for a while on the ABC website doing electronic Lost puzzles, had dinner with my roommate and today I went to a farm with my best friend and her two kids. This Sunday, I'm going back to NYC with my sister and her husband for three days. I've definitely chilled a little.
My roommate and very good friend, god-love-her-and-fate, was not able to rent my room during the three months I was gone. She had 4 people make appointments and never show up and two more weirdos look at it. This month was the month she was going to freak out if she didn't find someone. Well, she did. I move back in on September 16. Today, I was thinking about that for the first time, really, and all of a sudden realized how estatically happy I am that I don't have look for a place to live or live with strangers or live with my parents. I can move right back into my room and my friendship and my wonderful home with her. What a gift.
I've received dozens of emails from people since I decided to come home. All, en serio, ALL, have been supportive and wonderful, and some even made me cry a little more. (I am seriously sick of crying.) Friends who I love dearly, but never expected poetry from, created messages worthy of publishing. Friends I hadn't heard from in a long time took a moment to write me a note. People I wasn't even sure were friends wrote messages that touched my heart, at its core.
And even more people are helping me with requests during this work transition. People I haven't talked to in years are emailing and asking if I need help connecting with jobs or help with my resume. This experience really has reminded me that I am surrounded by people who care. People are willing to take a moment from the busy-ness of their lives to help me. And I'm finding myself willing to ask for help, which is unusual for me. In this instance though, in this moment in my life, it is necessary. So I have given myself over to the universe a little and am hoping for the best. I think it will come. If it doesn't, at least I know I have the guts to make a decision, push through, and take charge of it myself. People who know me best would probably say I didn't need any reminding about this, but I doubt myself more than people know, and often need reminding...
My mom, standing in the kitchen at 6 a.m. one morning this week, said, "I seriously need to go on a diet. I've been eating like crazy because I was so worried about you coming home." I asked why, saying I thought she was happy about it. She said she was, but thought I'd have a hard tranisition and would be all upset and would need lots of support. I said, "Huh. But I'm fine." She said, "Yeah, you are. It's weird." It is weird. She's right. I've been thinking about that ever since we had that conversation. I'm wondering actually, if I'll have a delayed reaction. Will I be "fine" for 5 weeks, like I was in the beginning in Paraguay and then it will hit me? That I've given up being a PCV, given up fluency in Spanish, given up what I'll never know I've given up? Don't know, but that moment with Mom in the kitchen was funny.
2006 will be a year of winters for me. This calendar year, I will have 3. Tres inviernos. The first winter was spent applying to the Peace Corps. It was spent explaning to family and friends why I wanted to leave the U.S. again. Why I thought the Peace Corps was perfect for me. The second winter, my South American winter, was spent learning to be a Peace Corps trainee. It was spent speaking Spanish, riding in buses with holes in the floor, eating sugar and fried foods, and learning a new culture and then deciding to leave all that. And now, the third winter. I don't know yet what it will bring, but if you stay with me, we'll find out together. Three Winters. Tres Inviernos. What's next? Vamos a ver. We'll see.
Nos vemos. See you later.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Voy a regresar a EEUU
I´m going to return to the U.S. Yup. I am actually going to quit the Peace Corps. I can hardly believe it myself.
After reflection, an honest look at myself and my situation and talking it out a lot, I have decided to ET (early terminate) from the Peace Corps and come home.
This decision has actually been about 3 weeks in the making. After visiting Santa Maria the first time, I spent the two weeks left of training crying and contemplating as many of you know. I cried during site-visit debrief while discussing how we were feeling about placement (in front on my grande jefe) (this was a good thing and made my group really bond and talk about fears) and again during my final evaluation with my trainer. I even broke down one day in Guarani class with my Paraguayan professora. I have always been a cryer, so this was normal for me. So, I chalked this all up to the anxiety of going to site soon, leaving my group, being alone, etc. I seriously considered coming home during those weeks and said to a fellow trainee "If I went home right now, I would not be sad". Another woman in my group was seriously considering not swearing in and her level of angst and the group-think around it was enough to diminish my questions. So, I shrugged it off, mentioned it to a few of you in passing, and swore in anyway.
This last week has been emotional hell. Not because of the people here. They have been friendly and welcoming. Not because of the town itself, it is LOVELY and has internet, hot water and paved roads, everything I would ever need. It is because of what I am meant to do here.
I wrote this Sunday, August 27, in my journal after I finally forced myself to get out of bed. Never can I remember in 33 years of my life not wanting to get out of bed because of an inability to face the day. This is NOT who I am. I was making coffee in the kitchen and I went back to my room and wrote this:
I have made a terrible mistake. I love to travel, love to learn new cultures, and love to help other people. But, I hate talking to strangers, I hate "bothering" people, and I hate not knowing what is happening next. I am not cut out for this. It is not who I am. I am the person who works with a project group, designing a project with a community to engage them in bettering their community. I am the person who sits to the side, analyzes the needs of a group upon their asking and provides feedback. I am the person who liked being a director because it meant I was far less on the frontlines with the students. Holy Shit. What have I done? I do not belong here. I don't. It is not about being bored and uncomfortable. It is about not WANTING to spend 6 months developing nothing but relationships to MAYBE see if I can do something here.
So I finished writing that and then realized that every time the past few days that I had said to a fellow volunteer or had thought "I will give it until Thanksgiving" the VERY next thought has been "and then I can go home." This, I finally owned, and realized was a very strong message I had not been listening to.
So called my parents and asked them to call me back right away instead of waiting till 8 p.m. when we had a call scheduled. I cried waiting for the phone to ring and cried worse on the phone with them for almost an hour. They were totally objective, and then my mom said "Karen, you didn´t call us to talk this through with us. You called to tell us you have made a decision already." Insightful woman, my mother. Always has been.
And that is what I am doing. That other woman who almost did not swear in is also going to ET this week. If you quit the Peace Corps, they are supposed to have you on a flight home as soon as possible, so I will be touching down in Boston very soon.
I cannot blame the Peace Corps for this entirely. I definitely have some gripes, including the fact that they put us in a Municipal Project group and placed us in site literally one week after the current mayors had to resign for 3 months in order to run again. And, because it is epoca de elecciones, there is nothing going on with the Muni until after the elections November 19. And, if the mayor changes, there will be more uncertainty until he is settled in. This is the case in my Muni. And, nobody knows why I am there. Someone should be a stronger contact for me. Someone who knows why I am there to work and what specifically is the need for the town. There are three goals of the Municipal Development Project, and I would not be able to begin to meet them for at least 6 months, perhaps longer. During this time, I could give presentations in the high school, or sew with the Taller, or teach English, but none of these are things I came to do, and none of those things are sustainable development in which the people of the town create for themselves.
However, I romanticized this. I thought, oh, I can go live somewhere else AND make a difference. I thought the small things would be enough. Apparently not. If I was 23 or 25 and hadn´t lived abroad before, perhaps this would be different. I don´t know, and I never will. I wanted so badly to become fluent in Spanish, but even that desire isn´t enough to keep me here, another sign I´m listening to. And, I've learned something. I don't want to live abroad right now (perhaps not again) but I will still be a tourist, for sure. And, I don't want to be an island. In retrospect, in all my adventures, I've never been alone for very long. It doesn't suit me.
I was so genuine in my intents and so genuine during training. This has surprised me. But, as Maggie's dad told her during a phone call this week, "Sometimes we plan and then our plans change, and it just IS." What a strong truth. Estoy de acuerdo. (I agree.)
FAQs:
1. No, I have not given it enough time to truly know, TRULY, if I am making the right decision. I could be missing out on something great and I could be annoyed with my simple little life again in the US. I could be missing the opportunity to make a very real difference here. But, I don´t care enough about that to stay. That is a strong truth.
2. Yes, I have considered that this is out and out quitting; reneging on a "contract" I made with myself, the PC and the people of this town. I am not a quitter. There is a first time for everything, supongo (I guess). And right now, the desire to NOT waste 6 months or 2 years of my life and my time with family and friends and the possibility of doing good work at home, too far outweighs the rest of it. I can say that sin verguenza (without embarrassment).
3. No, this is not completely because there is NOTHING to do here right now. That is part of it. But in order to do development work, one needs to cultivate relationships. And in order to do that genuinely, one needs to WANT to get out of bed and be invigorated with the thought of meeting someone new today. I do not have that. And, the idea that a very small change in a town, or one or two presentations to the youth is enough has to be present. Right now, when I weigh the value of that against the value of me being home with my family and friends and not "missing" two years of my life, there is NO comparison.
4. No, I am not completey sure how I will answer those who ask, especially potential employers, why I quit the PC. I think I will say that the work wasn´t for me and the sacrifice of 2 years of my life at this point in where I am in my life wasnt clear to me until I got there and then I decided it was not worth it to me. Or I will say - It wasnt right for me. I made a mistake. And I will move on, I guess.
I was up half the night Sunday night, hasta dos o tres, thinking. I couldnt turn it off. I had made the decision Sunday afternoon for sure, and had told the other members of my group and everything via text message. I had even talked to a few of them who were really surprised, yet supportive. Because I'm Karen, the thoughts started swirling. What am I going to do for work? I have no car! The money I have will run out. I am appearing to everyone, including myself, like a nutcase who can´t just settle into a life for herself but instead bounces from thing to thing like someone with an alcohol problem. :) (okay, i just made that last one up.) Anyway, you know the drill. I was 99.9% sure, and the other .1% kept me up half the night. But then I woke up this morning, and my first thought wasnt to cry or to think, I need to go home! It was instead, "I am going home. It will be okay."
I couldn´t leave this country without first visiting my host family in Itá and telling them in person that I am going, especailly Alé, the 10 year old. Because of the swiftness of the process with the PC, I may not have been able to do that if I told them Monday. So, I stayed in site until early Wednesday a.m. which gave me time to tell people there that I was leaving and pack. Then I went Wednesday to Itá and met up there with Maggie, the other woman who is ETing. We spent the night with our Itá families, which was lovely. They asked all the right questions and listened to my answers and spent a lovely night with me eating awesome homemade pizza. Ale and I played some last mintue games of Uno and I gave her a photo of the group in a frame to remember me.
Right now, I'm in Asuncion and I just told PC that I'm going home. This plan also allowed some of our group, G21, to make it to the city to say goodbye. We had to visit the medical lab and give poop and pee and blood so the US government can be sure we didn't contract anything crazy here. Tomorrow morning, we have to get physicals with the doctor and do some more paperwork stuff. We also have to give back the money we haven't used, plus some, actually, since they pro-rate stuff. Long story. Then we get a ticket home (we'll know when either this afternoon or tomorrow) and we will either be on a plane Saturday night, Sunday morning or Monday at the worst.
Thank you so much for all your kind words and wicked support. If I wanted to stay here, your words of encouragement would have done the trick! I really hope you can support my decision as much as possible without thinking I suck. I have judged people in the past for not giving things enough time. I will never do that again.
I am looking forward to seeing many of you and talking to you. Last night before I fell asleep, I realized that to my list of identity characteristics, I have just added "Peace Corps Quitter." How weird. I will learn from this, as I have from everything else I have done. No doubt.
I will post again after I've finished this journey of leaving the PC. Even this is an adventure. Stool samples aren't easy to give! Especially in the middle of the day when one has already had a satisfying poop that morning...coffee does the trick! :) And it poured rain this morning as we were lugging our bags onto a local bus on the street in Ita. It just never ends. There will be more to this story, I'm sure, before my feet are on US soil once again.
If anyone has a car or a job for sale, shoot me an email! :) Hasta.
After reflection, an honest look at myself and my situation and talking it out a lot, I have decided to ET (early terminate) from the Peace Corps and come home.
This decision has actually been about 3 weeks in the making. After visiting Santa Maria the first time, I spent the two weeks left of training crying and contemplating as many of you know. I cried during site-visit debrief while discussing how we were feeling about placement (in front on my grande jefe) (this was a good thing and made my group really bond and talk about fears) and again during my final evaluation with my trainer. I even broke down one day in Guarani class with my Paraguayan professora. I have always been a cryer, so this was normal for me. So, I chalked this all up to the anxiety of going to site soon, leaving my group, being alone, etc. I seriously considered coming home during those weeks and said to a fellow trainee "If I went home right now, I would not be sad". Another woman in my group was seriously considering not swearing in and her level of angst and the group-think around it was enough to diminish my questions. So, I shrugged it off, mentioned it to a few of you in passing, and swore in anyway.
This last week has been emotional hell. Not because of the people here. They have been friendly and welcoming. Not because of the town itself, it is LOVELY and has internet, hot water and paved roads, everything I would ever need. It is because of what I am meant to do here.
I wrote this Sunday, August 27, in my journal after I finally forced myself to get out of bed. Never can I remember in 33 years of my life not wanting to get out of bed because of an inability to face the day. This is NOT who I am. I was making coffee in the kitchen and I went back to my room and wrote this:
I have made a terrible mistake. I love to travel, love to learn new cultures, and love to help other people. But, I hate talking to strangers, I hate "bothering" people, and I hate not knowing what is happening next. I am not cut out for this. It is not who I am. I am the person who works with a project group, designing a project with a community to engage them in bettering their community. I am the person who sits to the side, analyzes the needs of a group upon their asking and provides feedback. I am the person who liked being a director because it meant I was far less on the frontlines with the students. Holy Shit. What have I done? I do not belong here. I don't. It is not about being bored and uncomfortable. It is about not WANTING to spend 6 months developing nothing but relationships to MAYBE see if I can do something here.
So I finished writing that and then realized that every time the past few days that I had said to a fellow volunteer or had thought "I will give it until Thanksgiving" the VERY next thought has been "and then I can go home." This, I finally owned, and realized was a very strong message I had not been listening to.
So called my parents and asked them to call me back right away instead of waiting till 8 p.m. when we had a call scheduled. I cried waiting for the phone to ring and cried worse on the phone with them for almost an hour. They were totally objective, and then my mom said "Karen, you didn´t call us to talk this through with us. You called to tell us you have made a decision already." Insightful woman, my mother. Always has been.
And that is what I am doing. That other woman who almost did not swear in is also going to ET this week. If you quit the Peace Corps, they are supposed to have you on a flight home as soon as possible, so I will be touching down in Boston very soon.
I cannot blame the Peace Corps for this entirely. I definitely have some gripes, including the fact that they put us in a Municipal Project group and placed us in site literally one week after the current mayors had to resign for 3 months in order to run again. And, because it is epoca de elecciones, there is nothing going on with the Muni until after the elections November 19. And, if the mayor changes, there will be more uncertainty until he is settled in. This is the case in my Muni. And, nobody knows why I am there. Someone should be a stronger contact for me. Someone who knows why I am there to work and what specifically is the need for the town. There are three goals of the Municipal Development Project, and I would not be able to begin to meet them for at least 6 months, perhaps longer. During this time, I could give presentations in the high school, or sew with the Taller, or teach English, but none of these are things I came to do, and none of those things are sustainable development in which the people of the town create for themselves.
However, I romanticized this. I thought, oh, I can go live somewhere else AND make a difference. I thought the small things would be enough. Apparently not. If I was 23 or 25 and hadn´t lived abroad before, perhaps this would be different. I don´t know, and I never will. I wanted so badly to become fluent in Spanish, but even that desire isn´t enough to keep me here, another sign I´m listening to. And, I've learned something. I don't want to live abroad right now (perhaps not again) but I will still be a tourist, for sure. And, I don't want to be an island. In retrospect, in all my adventures, I've never been alone for very long. It doesn't suit me.
I was so genuine in my intents and so genuine during training. This has surprised me. But, as Maggie's dad told her during a phone call this week, "Sometimes we plan and then our plans change, and it just IS." What a strong truth. Estoy de acuerdo. (I agree.)
FAQs:
1. No, I have not given it enough time to truly know, TRULY, if I am making the right decision. I could be missing out on something great and I could be annoyed with my simple little life again in the US. I could be missing the opportunity to make a very real difference here. But, I don´t care enough about that to stay. That is a strong truth.
2. Yes, I have considered that this is out and out quitting; reneging on a "contract" I made with myself, the PC and the people of this town. I am not a quitter. There is a first time for everything, supongo (I guess). And right now, the desire to NOT waste 6 months or 2 years of my life and my time with family and friends and the possibility of doing good work at home, too far outweighs the rest of it. I can say that sin verguenza (without embarrassment).
3. No, this is not completely because there is NOTHING to do here right now. That is part of it. But in order to do development work, one needs to cultivate relationships. And in order to do that genuinely, one needs to WANT to get out of bed and be invigorated with the thought of meeting someone new today. I do not have that. And, the idea that a very small change in a town, or one or two presentations to the youth is enough has to be present. Right now, when I weigh the value of that against the value of me being home with my family and friends and not "missing" two years of my life, there is NO comparison.
4. No, I am not completey sure how I will answer those who ask, especially potential employers, why I quit the PC. I think I will say that the work wasn´t for me and the sacrifice of 2 years of my life at this point in where I am in my life wasnt clear to me until I got there and then I decided it was not worth it to me. Or I will say - It wasnt right for me. I made a mistake. And I will move on, I guess.
I was up half the night Sunday night, hasta dos o tres, thinking. I couldnt turn it off. I had made the decision Sunday afternoon for sure, and had told the other members of my group and everything via text message. I had even talked to a few of them who were really surprised, yet supportive. Because I'm Karen, the thoughts started swirling. What am I going to do for work? I have no car! The money I have will run out. I am appearing to everyone, including myself, like a nutcase who can´t just settle into a life for herself but instead bounces from thing to thing like someone with an alcohol problem. :) (okay, i just made that last one up.) Anyway, you know the drill. I was 99.9% sure, and the other .1% kept me up half the night. But then I woke up this morning, and my first thought wasnt to cry or to think, I need to go home! It was instead, "I am going home. It will be okay."
I couldn´t leave this country without first visiting my host family in Itá and telling them in person that I am going, especailly Alé, the 10 year old. Because of the swiftness of the process with the PC, I may not have been able to do that if I told them Monday. So, I stayed in site until early Wednesday a.m. which gave me time to tell people there that I was leaving and pack. Then I went Wednesday to Itá and met up there with Maggie, the other woman who is ETing. We spent the night with our Itá families, which was lovely. They asked all the right questions and listened to my answers and spent a lovely night with me eating awesome homemade pizza. Ale and I played some last mintue games of Uno and I gave her a photo of the group in a frame to remember me.
Right now, I'm in Asuncion and I just told PC that I'm going home. This plan also allowed some of our group, G21, to make it to the city to say goodbye. We had to visit the medical lab and give poop and pee and blood so the US government can be sure we didn't contract anything crazy here. Tomorrow morning, we have to get physicals with the doctor and do some more paperwork stuff. We also have to give back the money we haven't used, plus some, actually, since they pro-rate stuff. Long story. Then we get a ticket home (we'll know when either this afternoon or tomorrow) and we will either be on a plane Saturday night, Sunday morning or Monday at the worst.
Thank you so much for all your kind words and wicked support. If I wanted to stay here, your words of encouragement would have done the trick! I really hope you can support my decision as much as possible without thinking I suck. I have judged people in the past for not giving things enough time. I will never do that again.
I am looking forward to seeing many of you and talking to you. Last night before I fell asleep, I realized that to my list of identity characteristics, I have just added "Peace Corps Quitter." How weird. I will learn from this, as I have from everything else I have done. No doubt.
I will post again after I've finished this journey of leaving the PC. Even this is an adventure. Stool samples aren't easy to give! Especially in the middle of the day when one has already had a satisfying poop that morning...coffee does the trick! :) And it poured rain this morning as we were lugging our bags onto a local bus on the street in Ita. It just never ends. There will be more to this story, I'm sure, before my feet are on US soil once again.
If anyone has a car or a job for sale, shoot me an email! :) Hasta.
Friday, August 25, 2006
¿Que estoy pasando?
What am I doing?
I have no idea. I arrived in Santa Maria on Tuesday at 4:30 on the direct bus from Asunción. It was a totally uneventful trip. I took a taxi from the Peace Corps office to the terminal where I sat and talked to an English-speaking Parguayan guy who had studied in Bolivia, ate some lunch, had my shoes shined by a shoe-shine boy and finally boarded the bus at about noon. I had met the driver during my last trip to Santa Maria, so I was all set.
Once I arrived, I walked the 1/2 block to my new home, the casa de Ña Není. This 61 year old retired teacher lives alone in a rather large, rather nice home and I moved into the spare bedroom. It´s a great room, actually, and I settled in right away. I went over to talk with Deybi and Ña Eva, who I stayed with last trip and said hello and they said welcome and all that.
On my way back home, I stopped to talk to Prota and drink some terere with her outside her store. I met her the last time I was here, and she looks so much like Paula McHale it´s scary, for those of you know know Paula. Anyway, I chatted with her and then went home for dinner. I went to bed early that night, for sure.
I went to the Muni the next day. Nobody really knows what to do with me there. The Intendente, or Mayor (which, funnily enough, means ¨janitor¨in Spanish in Mexico) had to quit last week because he is running for re-election. Rules say, you have to quit three months before the election. Someone from the city council stands in for you until the election. This basically means that the person who brought me here isn´t there anymore. My situation is better than some, though, because some of my group already know their mayor lost the primaries. Anyway, I´ve been to the Muni three days this week for an hour or two each time and I sort of talk to people and say hello and sit around, but I don´t really know why. For someone like me, this feels really really weird. But then again, if I was a rural health worker somewhere, it would be even less clear, I guess.
It is my goal to meet at least one new person and talk with them each day. So far, I´ve accomplished that. I met Prota the first day and talked with her (and that was only a little piece of a day). I met Cayetana, who is the link between Hays, Kansas and Santa Maria. They are sister cities and there is an organization in Asunción called Comité Kansas-Paraguay. I´ve not got the entire story on what the deal is with this, but it´s interesting. She´s interesting. She has visited Kansas a couple of times.
I met Candalaria, who took me home to her house after sewing with the Women´s Taller one day for terere. She is hosting Molly, an English 60-something woman who has been here 3 months teaching English. I then met Molly, who is interesting and kind and who has worse Spanish than I do. We talked only in Spanish, though, since we were there with Candalaria. I think she was getting a kick out of our bad Spanish. I visited Molly´s class the next morning with three students who have been studying English for a while. They all speak English quite well, actually. I was impressed. One of them is a teacher for adults at a night school and he teaches Molly Spanish 5 hours a week. I think on Monday, I´m going to talk to him about taking me on, too.
I met Patti, who works at the Muni and is very young. She´s married and has a 3 year old and she was really nice. We talked a lot the first day.
I met Vicenta today. She works in the Muni, at Margaret´s house (the other British woman who has lived in Santa Maria for 6 years now) and has another job too. She´s involved with the youth church group and invited me to their big event on September 2 with the youth from 3 other towns nearby. Since I think I want to work with youth here, I should probably go, but these young people are already involved and I want to capture the ones who aren´t yet. Vamos a ver.
Yesterday afternoon, I talked with the Intendente about my work and what he wanted me to do and asked about my ¨birth story¨or why I am here. He talked about wanting me to meet the people, learn about the town, get to know everyone and that the work would come later, after elections. He asked me what my big bosses at the Peace Corps want me to have done after 2 years here. I said that they want me to understand more about Paraguay and to bring that knowledge back to the people of the United States. They also want me to have helped the people of Paraguay and for the people to have learned about the US. These are the three metas (goals) of the PC, I told him. He was glad to hear it. He said that I have information that can help them and that they want to understand more about the US. He is very tranquillo. After I talked with him, I felt better. Someone local had given me permission to just talk with folks, figure out who people are and let people get to know me. My trainers had said this, but to hear it from my local contact felt legitimizing.
I am right now in San Ignacio, the big town close to me. I have walked around some and tried to figure out what is available to me in the way of goods and services. There are a few furniture stores and some other larger stores with good stuff for when I have my own place.
I haven´t mentioned it yet, but here, people follow you around the store when you are looking. Seriously follow you, very very close behind you, like less than a step behind. I have to shake my hatred of this. It brings up feelings from home about who gets followed and why and from when I was followed when I was younger or dressed dodgily in college. Here it is just normal practice.
I am pretty confused and pretty lonely. I know that for the first 3 months I am supposed to make friends, get to know people, learn the town, and basically build trust and credibility. But man does three months feel like a long time to do ¨nothing¨. Even though it isn´t nothing, it sort of feels like it. I have been in good touch via text message with my friends from my training group, and many of them are feeling the same. I am really hoping it passes, because right now, this feeling is a bit overwhelming.
This is for sure the hardest thing I have ever done, hands down. I cannot imagine what would be harder than this. I have just rocked up in a town all by myself and now I have to figure out what my work is and how I can help people to BE more. How will I do this? I have never had fewer answers in my life or felt more clueless. I am not in total dispair, but I feel on the brink every now and then. This is what it is SUPPOSED to be like, I know. That is what is getting me through.
More in a week or so. I´m recording in my planner what I do each day and how I feel each day, so I won´t forget later when I´m astoundingly happy how hard the first days were. :)
Love. Missing.
I have no idea. I arrived in Santa Maria on Tuesday at 4:30 on the direct bus from Asunción. It was a totally uneventful trip. I took a taxi from the Peace Corps office to the terminal where I sat and talked to an English-speaking Parguayan guy who had studied in Bolivia, ate some lunch, had my shoes shined by a shoe-shine boy and finally boarded the bus at about noon. I had met the driver during my last trip to Santa Maria, so I was all set.
Once I arrived, I walked the 1/2 block to my new home, the casa de Ña Není. This 61 year old retired teacher lives alone in a rather large, rather nice home and I moved into the spare bedroom. It´s a great room, actually, and I settled in right away. I went over to talk with Deybi and Ña Eva, who I stayed with last trip and said hello and they said welcome and all that.
On my way back home, I stopped to talk to Prota and drink some terere with her outside her store. I met her the last time I was here, and she looks so much like Paula McHale it´s scary, for those of you know know Paula. Anyway, I chatted with her and then went home for dinner. I went to bed early that night, for sure.
I went to the Muni the next day. Nobody really knows what to do with me there. The Intendente, or Mayor (which, funnily enough, means ¨janitor¨in Spanish in Mexico) had to quit last week because he is running for re-election. Rules say, you have to quit three months before the election. Someone from the city council stands in for you until the election. This basically means that the person who brought me here isn´t there anymore. My situation is better than some, though, because some of my group already know their mayor lost the primaries. Anyway, I´ve been to the Muni three days this week for an hour or two each time and I sort of talk to people and say hello and sit around, but I don´t really know why. For someone like me, this feels really really weird. But then again, if I was a rural health worker somewhere, it would be even less clear, I guess.
It is my goal to meet at least one new person and talk with them each day. So far, I´ve accomplished that. I met Prota the first day and talked with her (and that was only a little piece of a day). I met Cayetana, who is the link between Hays, Kansas and Santa Maria. They are sister cities and there is an organization in Asunción called Comité Kansas-Paraguay. I´ve not got the entire story on what the deal is with this, but it´s interesting. She´s interesting. She has visited Kansas a couple of times.
I met Candalaria, who took me home to her house after sewing with the Women´s Taller one day for terere. She is hosting Molly, an English 60-something woman who has been here 3 months teaching English. I then met Molly, who is interesting and kind and who has worse Spanish than I do. We talked only in Spanish, though, since we were there with Candalaria. I think she was getting a kick out of our bad Spanish. I visited Molly´s class the next morning with three students who have been studying English for a while. They all speak English quite well, actually. I was impressed. One of them is a teacher for adults at a night school and he teaches Molly Spanish 5 hours a week. I think on Monday, I´m going to talk to him about taking me on, too.
I met Patti, who works at the Muni and is very young. She´s married and has a 3 year old and she was really nice. We talked a lot the first day.
I met Vicenta today. She works in the Muni, at Margaret´s house (the other British woman who has lived in Santa Maria for 6 years now) and has another job too. She´s involved with the youth church group and invited me to their big event on September 2 with the youth from 3 other towns nearby. Since I think I want to work with youth here, I should probably go, but these young people are already involved and I want to capture the ones who aren´t yet. Vamos a ver.
Yesterday afternoon, I talked with the Intendente about my work and what he wanted me to do and asked about my ¨birth story¨or why I am here. He talked about wanting me to meet the people, learn about the town, get to know everyone and that the work would come later, after elections. He asked me what my big bosses at the Peace Corps want me to have done after 2 years here. I said that they want me to understand more about Paraguay and to bring that knowledge back to the people of the United States. They also want me to have helped the people of Paraguay and for the people to have learned about the US. These are the three metas (goals) of the PC, I told him. He was glad to hear it. He said that I have information that can help them and that they want to understand more about the US. He is very tranquillo. After I talked with him, I felt better. Someone local had given me permission to just talk with folks, figure out who people are and let people get to know me. My trainers had said this, but to hear it from my local contact felt legitimizing.
I am right now in San Ignacio, the big town close to me. I have walked around some and tried to figure out what is available to me in the way of goods and services. There are a few furniture stores and some other larger stores with good stuff for when I have my own place.
I haven´t mentioned it yet, but here, people follow you around the store when you are looking. Seriously follow you, very very close behind you, like less than a step behind. I have to shake my hatred of this. It brings up feelings from home about who gets followed and why and from when I was followed when I was younger or dressed dodgily in college. Here it is just normal practice.
I am pretty confused and pretty lonely. I know that for the first 3 months I am supposed to make friends, get to know people, learn the town, and basically build trust and credibility. But man does three months feel like a long time to do ¨nothing¨. Even though it isn´t nothing, it sort of feels like it. I have been in good touch via text message with my friends from my training group, and many of them are feeling the same. I am really hoping it passes, because right now, this feeling is a bit overwhelming.
This is for sure the hardest thing I have ever done, hands down. I cannot imagine what would be harder than this. I have just rocked up in a town all by myself and now I have to figure out what my work is and how I can help people to BE more. How will I do this? I have never had fewer answers in my life or felt more clueless. I am not in total dispair, but I feel on the brink every now and then. This is what it is SUPPOSED to be like, I know. That is what is getting me through.
More in a week or so. I´m recording in my planner what I do each day and how I feel each day, so I won´t forget later when I´m astoundingly happy how hard the first days were. :)
Love. Missing.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Un fin de semana en Asuncion
This has just been like a little vacation. These are some things I've done between Friday after swearing in and Tuesday morning right before heading out to site to really begin living in Paraguay.
-- Eaten a proper chef salad.
-- Seen "The Break Up" with Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn in English in a proper movie theatre.
-- Eaten a brownie a la mode.
-- Watched the Yankees masacre the Red Sox in the top of the 10th with a three run homer on ESPN.
-- Had hot water run out of the sink tap in the hotel!
-- Eaten chinese food.
-- Sat in a sidewalk cafe drinking cappucino.
-- Printed a few shots from my digital camera memory card.
-- Watched the sunset from the roof of the hotel.
-- Played MAFIA with my group of volunteers. (A game that I have always played with student leaders where I've worked.)
-- Walked all over downtown Asuncion and gotten to know it.
-- Had beer spilled all over me.
-- Went to a British pub.
-- Spoken almost exclusively English except when ordering food or talking with a vendor/business person.
It's been a great "last" weekend. It's been a bit of a teary goodbye. I feel ready to go, and scared at the same time. I've been gone from the States for almost exactly 3 months, yet my real life and work in Paraguay will begin this afternoon.
Stay with me. I think there's a lot to come.
-- Eaten a proper chef salad.
-- Seen "The Break Up" with Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn in English in a proper movie theatre.
-- Eaten a brownie a la mode.
-- Watched the Yankees masacre the Red Sox in the top of the 10th with a three run homer on ESPN.
-- Had hot water run out of the sink tap in the hotel!
-- Eaten chinese food.
-- Sat in a sidewalk cafe drinking cappucino.
-- Printed a few shots from my digital camera memory card.
-- Watched the sunset from the roof of the hotel.
-- Played MAFIA with my group of volunteers. (A game that I have always played with student leaders where I've worked.)
-- Walked all over downtown Asuncion and gotten to know it.
-- Had beer spilled all over me.
-- Went to a British pub.
-- Spoken almost exclusively English except when ordering food or talking with a vendor/business person.
It's been a great "last" weekend. It's been a bit of a teary goodbye. I feel ready to go, and scared at the same time. I've been gone from the States for almost exactly 3 months, yet my real life and work in Paraguay will begin this afternoon.
Stay with me. I think there's a lot to come.
Saturday, August 19, 2006
...so help me...
Well, I swore in! I repeated after the American ambassador to Paraguay and swore to uphold the consititution of the United States, guard against enemies foreign and domestic and do my duty to the best of my ability. I ended the oath with "So help me..." and dropped the "God" off the end (as did many of my fellow trainees) in an attempt to keep church and state separate. What is up with our oaths, anyway? Bibles, God, huh?
The ceremony was at the Ambassador's residence on the grounds of the U.S. Embassy here in Asuncion, which is a huge embassy because they ran Operation Condor out of here in the 70s. The residence is lovely with a huge back yard. There is a big patio in the front with a cute waterfall and trees. All over the grounds are trees with little signs saying what type of tree it is like an aboretum. There's a long, winding driveway that runs past the main offices after you pass through the gate off the main drag, Avendida Mariscal Lopez. The plaque on the gate says "Embassy of the United States of America -- 1776" as you drive in. There is a swimming pool along the drive which is open for our use whenever we want to use it (score!).
Before the ceremony, I went to use the bathroom. There were these little soaps wrapped in cellophane. I thought, Ooh, I can steal a soap from the Ambassador's residence as a little momento. But as I put it in my purse, I said outloud, There's prolly a camera in here... and smiled and put it back. Last thing I need to for the Embassy to know I steal soap. That's a great image of the Peace Corps. Or, on second thought, maybe they would increase our budget if they knew we needed to steal soap!
We were greeted by the Country Director Michael and then the Ambassador, who gave a really informative speech about what the U.S. projects and interests are here in Paraguay and then how we fit into that. It was actually awesome. Then, after he swore us in, one of my fellow volunteers (no longer trainees) addressed us as well. He did a great job. Then we went out back for lots of food and the best damn cake I ever ate.
Afterwards, we had to come back to the Peace Corps Office, which is about a 10 minute walk from the Embassy. We had to walk because there wasn't room for rides like there was on the way there. As we were walking, all the staff were driving by us and laughing. We created a little human barrier in the drive to not let our main boss by, and he just laughed. Then our trainer, Rob, drove by and said, Spell this! C-A-T-T-L-E! (We've been in such group think mode for 3 months, we are like cattle.) The next van that went by fits 14 people and only Richard and Lisa, our two head trainers were in it. They made the mistake of slowing down...we opened the sliding door and all piled in while they were saying, No, we can't take you because of liability! Whatever. We totally staged a coup and took over the van. They drove us back, and when we passed the other volunteers on the street, we yelled SUCKERS!, met by their incredulous looks -- and that was worth the whole thing.
Once back at the PC Office, we had to pick up our bank cards (our salaries are deposited once a month into the bank and then we go cobrar (collect) at an ATM close to our sites -- mine is only 30 min away by bus). Then we had to sign our official PC IDs and put in our requests for our cell phones. I'll get my ID and phone in another month or so, the next time I come into Asuncion.
We checked into the hotel, the Asuncion Palace, which is old and very very cool. The last time I stayed in town for the 4th of July, we stayed at the Alpes, which is also nice, but different. This place is OLD. I really like it. We have these cool wooden lourve doors off our room out to a balcony and we can see the river and the sun set last night was AMAZING. It's nice to be in a hotel for a few nights before heading out to site. We get special PC price, so for a triple room, it is 45,000G per night, or about $8. No clue how much it is for normal people, but not that much more than that and it includes breakfast.
Last night, we went to the Britannia Pub, a very cool British Pub in Asuncion, which felt like it wasn't in Paraguay. We had a good time, and Brandon and I left around 11:30, much earlier than everyone else. I have a head cold and didn't feel like drinking. Brandon is 22 and doesn't drink and so I knew he was my ticket back to the hotel to walk together. (After dark, not safe to walk alone - lo mismo de en EEUU (the same as in the States).) Others were pretty celebratory, to put it mildly. Hee hee.
We are all over the place because many of us still don't feel like it is completely real yet and others are just ready to GO! I am getting more excited now to go back to my site and start up the next 2 years of my life, doing good work with Paraguayans for their community.
So, I am unable to post photos from the ceremony because I have packed away my cord for my phone in god knows what bag. We had to prepare to leave Ita by packing everything and then knowing which things were going where. Each of us is getting a site-visit in the next two months by our boss to officially present us to our community. Mine isn't until October 5. So, that means, whatever I don't take with me to site on Tuesday is going to be delivered to me on October 5, six weeks from now! Augh. I only packed essentials to bring here in the first place, really, and everything only weighed 68 pounds when I checked onto the plane in Miami. BUT, I have received about a hundred different manuals and books, a mosquito net in a bag, a first aid kit in a little mini briefcase thing, and tons of other stuff. I have bought a full-size bed pillow, an amazing hand weaved blanket, and an extra pair of shoes (in Miami). What to do?
I bought a typical Paraguayan market bag. They are made of a strong plastic, and have a zip on top. I bought the large one, which is about 3 feet tall by about 8 inches wide, and when you fill it, it stands on its own. They are actually a really good investment. It's full-up! I am going to lug my big backpack and the enormo duffel I borrowed from my brother to site with me. I'm pretty pleased the way it worked out, except that my phone cord is in long term storage right now until Tuesday morning, so, no photos!
Guarani: Che micro oseta 11:30 martespe. Che aguaheta Santa Mariape tardeve martespe. Che avy'a Paraguaipe. Espanol: Mi micro va a salir a las 11:30 el Martes. Voy a llegar en Santa Maria el Martes por la tarde. Estoy contenta en Paraguay. English: My bus will leave at 11:30 on Tuesday. I will arrive in Santa Maria on Tuesday afternoon. I am happy in Paraguay.
I am having lunch today with my new good friend Jenny Spencer. She is a Muni volunteer as well and is from Ohio. She went to the Kennedy School of Government and is one year ahead of me (my sister group). She is here in Asuncion to talk to her mom on the phone, which she is doing right now. Then we are going to the BOLSI for lunch, which is a little slice of heaven in downtown Asuncion. It's a GORGEOUS day out. The weather turned on Saturday from 100 degrees down to about 60 and we've had some rain, but mostly sun and cool weather ever since. I'm milking it for all it's worth before it gets ungodly hot again and I melt. If I make it through the first January here with the heat, I'll make it my whole two years without question.
Oh jeez! I almost forgot. Strossner died! He was the dictator here for 35 years. He has been in exile in Brazil since 1989 when his regime was overthrown. There was an article in the NYTimes this week. Here's the link:
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/08/16/world/americas/16cnd-stroessner.html?ex=1313380800&en=ed9da4578ae53841&ei=5090&partner=rssuserland&emc=rss
Many Paraguayans believe that they were "better off" under Strossner because there were "no ladrones y podemos dormir afuera y no necesitamos llevear nuestras casas" (no theives and we could sleep outside and we didn't need to lock our houses). All of that was true, but here were alot a lot of problems with how to he kept that state in place. Democracy is VERY young here and it is a long, slow haul. I can't believe I'm here and can make a difference in that process.
Mayoral elections take place in November, and the Presidential elections here will happen in 2008, so these two years are very important. It's a gift, really, to be here now. I hope I can continue to see it that way and not get bogged down in the difficulty of it. It is amazing how much we take democracy for granted (even though we clearly don't do it entirely right -- although we THINK we do!).
I'm off to site on Tuesday. I will keep the student leaders around the US in my thoughts as you all prepare for another group of first-years to arrive. I will keep the college administrators in my thoughts too, as you too, greet another group of millenials to your campuses! To the public school teachers and guidence counselors in my life: enjoy another opening! To those who work on a calendar year: keep on keepin' on, I guess. :)
Those who can, do me this favor: Remind the students to think about their civic rights and why it's amazing they are American. Engage them in discussions about the elections in November and how important they are even if they can't vote yet. Remind them they can influence their own country and in other parts of the world (Paraguay) that this is NOT a given. (Those who don't work with students could do the same thing with those around you, even though you'll prolly be seen as a nutcase!)
I'm not meaning to preach, but on the eve of my departure to the "campo" of Paraguay, to live and work with people trying hard to make their local government work and get roads that aren't dirt and help the people in their community be able to make ends meet, I can't help but think of home and how we live and what we sometimes take for granted. And anyone reading this has the ability to remind people how lucky we are.
I'm feeling really philosophical, and reflective as I head out to my new home. Ojala (I hope) that everything will be fine. I think it will. Until next time...
The ceremony was at the Ambassador's residence on the grounds of the U.S. Embassy here in Asuncion, which is a huge embassy because they ran Operation Condor out of here in the 70s. The residence is lovely with a huge back yard. There is a big patio in the front with a cute waterfall and trees. All over the grounds are trees with little signs saying what type of tree it is like an aboretum. There's a long, winding driveway that runs past the main offices after you pass through the gate off the main drag, Avendida Mariscal Lopez. The plaque on the gate says "Embassy of the United States of America -- 1776" as you drive in. There is a swimming pool along the drive which is open for our use whenever we want to use it (score!).
Before the ceremony, I went to use the bathroom. There were these little soaps wrapped in cellophane. I thought, Ooh, I can steal a soap from the Ambassador's residence as a little momento. But as I put it in my purse, I said outloud, There's prolly a camera in here... and smiled and put it back. Last thing I need to for the Embassy to know I steal soap. That's a great image of the Peace Corps. Or, on second thought, maybe they would increase our budget if they knew we needed to steal soap!
We were greeted by the Country Director Michael and then the Ambassador, who gave a really informative speech about what the U.S. projects and interests are here in Paraguay and then how we fit into that. It was actually awesome. Then, after he swore us in, one of my fellow volunteers (no longer trainees) addressed us as well. He did a great job. Then we went out back for lots of food and the best damn cake I ever ate.
Afterwards, we had to come back to the Peace Corps Office, which is about a 10 minute walk from the Embassy. We had to walk because there wasn't room for rides like there was on the way there. As we were walking, all the staff were driving by us and laughing. We created a little human barrier in the drive to not let our main boss by, and he just laughed. Then our trainer, Rob, drove by and said, Spell this! C-A-T-T-L-E! (We've been in such group think mode for 3 months, we are like cattle.) The next van that went by fits 14 people and only Richard and Lisa, our two head trainers were in it. They made the mistake of slowing down...we opened the sliding door and all piled in while they were saying, No, we can't take you because of liability! Whatever. We totally staged a coup and took over the van. They drove us back, and when we passed the other volunteers on the street, we yelled SUCKERS!, met by their incredulous looks -- and that was worth the whole thing.
Once back at the PC Office, we had to pick up our bank cards (our salaries are deposited once a month into the bank and then we go cobrar (collect) at an ATM close to our sites -- mine is only 30 min away by bus). Then we had to sign our official PC IDs and put in our requests for our cell phones. I'll get my ID and phone in another month or so, the next time I come into Asuncion.
We checked into the hotel, the Asuncion Palace, which is old and very very cool. The last time I stayed in town for the 4th of July, we stayed at the Alpes, which is also nice, but different. This place is OLD. I really like it. We have these cool wooden lourve doors off our room out to a balcony and we can see the river and the sun set last night was AMAZING. It's nice to be in a hotel for a few nights before heading out to site. We get special PC price, so for a triple room, it is 45,000G per night, or about $8. No clue how much it is for normal people, but not that much more than that and it includes breakfast.
Last night, we went to the Britannia Pub, a very cool British Pub in Asuncion, which felt like it wasn't in Paraguay. We had a good time, and Brandon and I left around 11:30, much earlier than everyone else. I have a head cold and didn't feel like drinking. Brandon is 22 and doesn't drink and so I knew he was my ticket back to the hotel to walk together. (After dark, not safe to walk alone - lo mismo de en EEUU (the same as in the States).) Others were pretty celebratory, to put it mildly. Hee hee.
We are all over the place because many of us still don't feel like it is completely real yet and others are just ready to GO! I am getting more excited now to go back to my site and start up the next 2 years of my life, doing good work with Paraguayans for their community.
So, I am unable to post photos from the ceremony because I have packed away my cord for my phone in god knows what bag. We had to prepare to leave Ita by packing everything and then knowing which things were going where. Each of us is getting a site-visit in the next two months by our boss to officially present us to our community. Mine isn't until October 5. So, that means, whatever I don't take with me to site on Tuesday is going to be delivered to me on October 5, six weeks from now! Augh. I only packed essentials to bring here in the first place, really, and everything only weighed 68 pounds when I checked onto the plane in Miami. BUT, I have received about a hundred different manuals and books, a mosquito net in a bag, a first aid kit in a little mini briefcase thing, and tons of other stuff. I have bought a full-size bed pillow, an amazing hand weaved blanket, and an extra pair of shoes (in Miami). What to do?
I bought a typical Paraguayan market bag. They are made of a strong plastic, and have a zip on top. I bought the large one, which is about 3 feet tall by about 8 inches wide, and when you fill it, it stands on its own. They are actually a really good investment. It's full-up! I am going to lug my big backpack and the enormo duffel I borrowed from my brother to site with me. I'm pretty pleased the way it worked out, except that my phone cord is in long term storage right now until Tuesday morning, so, no photos!
Guarani: Che micro oseta 11:30 martespe. Che aguaheta Santa Mariape tardeve martespe. Che avy'a Paraguaipe. Espanol: Mi micro va a salir a las 11:30 el Martes. Voy a llegar en Santa Maria el Martes por la tarde. Estoy contenta en Paraguay. English: My bus will leave at 11:30 on Tuesday. I will arrive in Santa Maria on Tuesday afternoon. I am happy in Paraguay.
I am having lunch today with my new good friend Jenny Spencer. She is a Muni volunteer as well and is from Ohio. She went to the Kennedy School of Government and is one year ahead of me (my sister group). She is here in Asuncion to talk to her mom on the phone, which she is doing right now. Then we are going to the BOLSI for lunch, which is a little slice of heaven in downtown Asuncion. It's a GORGEOUS day out. The weather turned on Saturday from 100 degrees down to about 60 and we've had some rain, but mostly sun and cool weather ever since. I'm milking it for all it's worth before it gets ungodly hot again and I melt. If I make it through the first January here with the heat, I'll make it my whole two years without question.
Oh jeez! I almost forgot. Strossner died! He was the dictator here for 35 years. He has been in exile in Brazil since 1989 when his regime was overthrown. There was an article in the NYTimes this week. Here's the link:
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/08/16/world/americas/16cnd-stroessner.html?ex=1313380800&en=ed9da4578ae53841&ei=5090&partner=rssuserland&emc=rss
Many Paraguayans believe that they were "better off" under Strossner because there were "no ladrones y podemos dormir afuera y no necesitamos llevear nuestras casas" (no theives and we could sleep outside and we didn't need to lock our houses). All of that was true, but here were alot a lot of problems with how to he kept that state in place. Democracy is VERY young here and it is a long, slow haul. I can't believe I'm here and can make a difference in that process.
Mayoral elections take place in November, and the Presidential elections here will happen in 2008, so these two years are very important. It's a gift, really, to be here now. I hope I can continue to see it that way and not get bogged down in the difficulty of it. It is amazing how much we take democracy for granted (even though we clearly don't do it entirely right -- although we THINK we do!).
I'm off to site on Tuesday. I will keep the student leaders around the US in my thoughts as you all prepare for another group of first-years to arrive. I will keep the college administrators in my thoughts too, as you too, greet another group of millenials to your campuses! To the public school teachers and guidence counselors in my life: enjoy another opening! To those who work on a calendar year: keep on keepin' on, I guess. :)
Those who can, do me this favor: Remind the students to think about their civic rights and why it's amazing they are American. Engage them in discussions about the elections in November and how important they are even if they can't vote yet. Remind them they can influence their own country and in other parts of the world (Paraguay) that this is NOT a given. (Those who don't work with students could do the same thing with those around you, even though you'll prolly be seen as a nutcase!)
I'm not meaning to preach, but on the eve of my departure to the "campo" of Paraguay, to live and work with people trying hard to make their local government work and get roads that aren't dirt and help the people in their community be able to make ends meet, I can't help but think of home and how we live and what we sometimes take for granted. And anyone reading this has the ability to remind people how lucky we are.
I'm feeling really philosophical, and reflective as I head out to my new home. Ojala (I hope) that everything will be fine. I think it will. Until next time...
Friday, August 11, 2006
all the primos (cousins) in my family in Itá.
my grupo de aspirates... group of trainees in asuncion during 4th of july weekend.
the beautiful huerta de la familia de kyle...the gorgeous fields of kyle´s family (a trainee)
my sewing project with the taller in santa maria...they are keeping it for me to finish!
the amazing Paraguayan sky!
me, trying my hand at hand weaving in Carapegua. Amazingly hard.
Hay monos en mi plaza en Santa Maria....There are monkey on my Plaza in Santa Maria!
And a salon named after me in Asuncion!
Monday, August 07, 2006
Podemos ir en paz...
We can go in peace.
This, my loyal readers, was the only phrase I was totally sure of during the entire Mass I attended Sunday night in Santa Maria. En serio -- really. I decided to go for two reasons, first because Demetria, one of the women here who was trying to find me a place to live asked me to go (she´s the church secretary) and two because I like going to mass in different languages (i once went in Vietnam, too). Well, different language is definitely the way to describe it, because the whole thing almost was in Guarani. I am seriously doubting the idea that I could EVER become fluent in Guarani. I´m worried enough about Spanish, but I must try to learn it because everyone here uses it.
Speaking of crazy language stuff, early morning Sunday, the 19-year-old I shared a room with this week was trying to get dressed in the pitch dark. I woke from a sleep and said to her, in ENGLISH ¨Patricia, turn on the light if you want.¨She turned around and said, ¨¿Que? And, I, still half asleep, was able to say "Aprender la luz si vos queres.¨Then I rolled over and went back to sleep. I still can´t believe the whole thing happened. It was pretty funny.
I´m totally overwhelmed. I´m exhausted from speaking nothing but Spanish for a week and I´m totally doubting my ability to make a difference here for one and for two, whether they really need me. Santa Maria is pretty on top of things. I don´t really have an official ¨counterpart¨because the guy who came to the big Peace Corps meeting and took me back to Sta. Maria is the Mayor´s nephew and doesn´t even work at the Muni. He isn´t really involved in anything, but is the husband of the Secretary of the Catastro (housing tax system) and a member of a very prominent family in town. He´s was really really nice to me. The family overall is great, even though I truly believe the dad thinks I´m stupid.
I find the men especially to not really have time for me because I can´t speak well. I think it is a worldwide thing to jump to the conclusion that because someone can´t speak the language well, it means they are stupid. The next time you talk to someone with a really thick accent or who clearly doesn´t have a lot of English, think of me! I´m the equivelent of that here in Paraguay, trying my damnedest to get ideas out of my head and through my mouth. And, desperately trying to understand what´s being said around me. It´s tough.
I figured out where I´m going to live. There´s a retired teacher who is 61. She has a great house and she lives alone. Her three daughters live elsewhere studying and working and she and her husband are separated. She has a great bedroom for me with a bed, table and chairs, armoire, armchair, fan and mosquito net. The door locks and so does the armoire. Her kitchen and bathroom are reallynice and she has hot water. I can use her kitchen and fridge and she´ll cook too. There´s a young English girl in Santa Maria (no clue why she´s leaving this month to go back home to college) and she lived with this woman for her first 2 months as well. I´m going to pay 300,000Gs a month, about $50 or 25% of my pay.
AND, there´s this great house that´s empty, too, right on the plaza, across from the police station and centro de salud (hospital) that´s for rent. The woman who owns it lives in San Ignacio, but she has a representiva in town who already has heard I´m interested. I can´t live alone till October, so we´ll see.
I´m totally fluctuating between excitement and fear. I questioned Sunday night for the first timein a while what the hell I´m doing here. Sometimes I think I know and other times I want Starbucks and a chat with someone who knows me.
I´m glad to be back in Itá today, I missed it. But that´s not good, though, because I´m tired already of missing things and I only have 2 weeks left here with the Cordes Lopez family. I´m going to miss them when I go. I´m sure Santa Maria will also feel like home soon enough and I´ll figure out a routine and a way to work. And, maybe I´ll plant a garden, definitely talk with neighbors, drink terere until I´m shaking from the caffeine yet thoroughly hydrated. Perhaps work with a new committee to plan a Comedor por Niños Pobres: a place for poor kids to have a healthy daily meal. This idea was already mentioned to me by Ña Eva, the mom in the family I stayed with, the Mayor´s sister.
We´ll see. What I know is this:
--The view in Santa Maria is gorgeous. There are cerros (hills) in the distance and lots of trees and it´s muy tranquillo - literal silence sometimes.
--There are monkeys who live in the trees on the Plaza. Someone brought 2 and now there are 8. They will literally come and take the bread from your hands. Amazing.
--I can talk to strangers. I can say ¨Soy voluntaria de Cuerpo de Paz. ¨¿Conoces Cuerpo de Paz? all day long.
--A three year old told me the reason I don´t have a novio (boyfriend) is because I´m too tall. Nice. Another three year old asked her mom why I talk funny.
--It is going to be very hard not to ride on a motorbike. This rule of Peace Corps worldwide, if broken, sends you right back to the States without passing GO or collecting $200. Everyone in Santa Maria has one and lots are the same type I owned in Thailand. I can get a free bicycle from CdP, which I´m going to do, pronto. It´s already killing me I can never accept a ride.
--I´m still happy. Questioning and doubting, but still happy. No te preocupes. (Don´t you worry.)
This week is crazy busy and next is my last week in Itá, but I´ll be back to write more before I move my life south to the tiny tranquillo town of Santa Maria, which will be my home and my work for 2 years.
Much love and missing. (tried for 20 minutes and totally annoyed the nice guy in the internet cafe and still couldn´t upload any photos! sorry peeps!)
This, my loyal readers, was the only phrase I was totally sure of during the entire Mass I attended Sunday night in Santa Maria. En serio -- really. I decided to go for two reasons, first because Demetria, one of the women here who was trying to find me a place to live asked me to go (she´s the church secretary) and two because I like going to mass in different languages (i once went in Vietnam, too). Well, different language is definitely the way to describe it, because the whole thing almost was in Guarani. I am seriously doubting the idea that I could EVER become fluent in Guarani. I´m worried enough about Spanish, but I must try to learn it because everyone here uses it.
Speaking of crazy language stuff, early morning Sunday, the 19-year-old I shared a room with this week was trying to get dressed in the pitch dark. I woke from a sleep and said to her, in ENGLISH ¨Patricia, turn on the light if you want.¨She turned around and said, ¨¿Que? And, I, still half asleep, was able to say "Aprender la luz si vos queres.¨Then I rolled over and went back to sleep. I still can´t believe the whole thing happened. It was pretty funny.
I´m totally overwhelmed. I´m exhausted from speaking nothing but Spanish for a week and I´m totally doubting my ability to make a difference here for one and for two, whether they really need me. Santa Maria is pretty on top of things. I don´t really have an official ¨counterpart¨because the guy who came to the big Peace Corps meeting and took me back to Sta. Maria is the Mayor´s nephew and doesn´t even work at the Muni. He isn´t really involved in anything, but is the husband of the Secretary of the Catastro (housing tax system) and a member of a very prominent family in town. He´s was really really nice to me. The family overall is great, even though I truly believe the dad thinks I´m stupid.
I find the men especially to not really have time for me because I can´t speak well. I think it is a worldwide thing to jump to the conclusion that because someone can´t speak the language well, it means they are stupid. The next time you talk to someone with a really thick accent or who clearly doesn´t have a lot of English, think of me! I´m the equivelent of that here in Paraguay, trying my damnedest to get ideas out of my head and through my mouth. And, desperately trying to understand what´s being said around me. It´s tough.
I figured out where I´m going to live. There´s a retired teacher who is 61. She has a great house and she lives alone. Her three daughters live elsewhere studying and working and she and her husband are separated. She has a great bedroom for me with a bed, table and chairs, armoire, armchair, fan and mosquito net. The door locks and so does the armoire. Her kitchen and bathroom are reallynice and she has hot water. I can use her kitchen and fridge and she´ll cook too. There´s a young English girl in Santa Maria (no clue why she´s leaving this month to go back home to college) and she lived with this woman for her first 2 months as well. I´m going to pay 300,000Gs a month, about $50 or 25% of my pay.
AND, there´s this great house that´s empty, too, right on the plaza, across from the police station and centro de salud (hospital) that´s for rent. The woman who owns it lives in San Ignacio, but she has a representiva in town who already has heard I´m interested. I can´t live alone till October, so we´ll see.
I´m totally fluctuating between excitement and fear. I questioned Sunday night for the first timein a while what the hell I´m doing here. Sometimes I think I know and other times I want Starbucks and a chat with someone who knows me.
I´m glad to be back in Itá today, I missed it. But that´s not good, though, because I´m tired already of missing things and I only have 2 weeks left here with the Cordes Lopez family. I´m going to miss them when I go. I´m sure Santa Maria will also feel like home soon enough and I´ll figure out a routine and a way to work. And, maybe I´ll plant a garden, definitely talk with neighbors, drink terere until I´m shaking from the caffeine yet thoroughly hydrated. Perhaps work with a new committee to plan a Comedor por Niños Pobres: a place for poor kids to have a healthy daily meal. This idea was already mentioned to me by Ña Eva, the mom in the family I stayed with, the Mayor´s sister.
We´ll see. What I know is this:
--The view in Santa Maria is gorgeous. There are cerros (hills) in the distance and lots of trees and it´s muy tranquillo - literal silence sometimes.
--There are monkeys who live in the trees on the Plaza. Someone brought 2 and now there are 8. They will literally come and take the bread from your hands. Amazing.
--I can talk to strangers. I can say ¨Soy voluntaria de Cuerpo de Paz. ¨¿Conoces Cuerpo de Paz? all day long.
--A three year old told me the reason I don´t have a novio (boyfriend) is because I´m too tall. Nice. Another three year old asked her mom why I talk funny.
--It is going to be very hard not to ride on a motorbike. This rule of Peace Corps worldwide, if broken, sends you right back to the States without passing GO or collecting $200. Everyone in Santa Maria has one and lots are the same type I owned in Thailand. I can get a free bicycle from CdP, which I´m going to do, pronto. It´s already killing me I can never accept a ride.
--I´m still happy. Questioning and doubting, but still happy. No te preocupes. (Don´t you worry.)
This week is crazy busy and next is my last week in Itá, but I´ll be back to write more before I move my life south to the tiny tranquillo town of Santa Maria, which will be my home and my work for 2 years.
Much love and missing. (tried for 20 minutes and totally annoyed the nice guy in the internet cafe and still couldn´t upload any photos! sorry peeps!)
Friday, August 04, 2006
Hola de Santa Maria de Fe
Hola, todos!
I have so much to say and no clue how to get it all down. I have only been here for 2 days and cannot believe how much I have already done. (I cannot find the apostrophe on this keyboard, hence the use of non-contracted words.)
Anyway, this place is muy tranquillo! I love it so far. The Intendente (Mayor) and the Funcionarios (Muni employees) seem great. I hung out there yesterday for only a ratito (short time) and again this morning for a few hours. Talked with some folks about their work and the like. I met the Director of the Colegio (high school) and we talked about me working with the students there. There is a need here for work with jovenes (the teenagers) because there is not much to do here. Right up my alley.
There is also this amazing Taller de Mujeres (workshop of women) here. They aplique by hand and then sew with machines these great stuff. Bags, potholders, key chains, tshirts, etc with scenes of Paraguay on them. They work every day from 7a to 10a and again from 1p to 4p. There are about 20 of them and they are GREAT. All ages. I just waltzed in, introduced myself and they handed me a scene to coser (sew). I have worked on it both days and since I am leaving Monday, they are keeping it for me so I can finish it at the end of August when I arrive back. I will NEVER be bored here as I can always go work in the Taller and have good chats with the women. They are already teaching me Guarani and were impressed with my rudimentary abilities. And, they are already looking for a boyfriend for me, por supuesto (of course!). In turn, I am making fun of their need for everyone to have a boyfriend. One woman, Demetria, took me home today to drink terere with her family and her daughter then took me to a volleyball game but I had to head home because it was getting dark.
Tomorrow I am going to visit the museum and then talk more with Demetria about where the heck I am going to live when I get here. I have to find my own family with whom to live for the first two months. Kinda a pain, actually.
There is more, but I am going to sign off now because I am having problems with Yahoo and have to figure out how to tell people this post is up. Hee hee.
Much love and missing and happiness in what will be my new home. Photos to follow when I get back to Ita.
I have so much to say and no clue how to get it all down. I have only been here for 2 days and cannot believe how much I have already done. (I cannot find the apostrophe on this keyboard, hence the use of non-contracted words.)
Anyway, this place is muy tranquillo! I love it so far. The Intendente (Mayor) and the Funcionarios (Muni employees) seem great. I hung out there yesterday for only a ratito (short time) and again this morning for a few hours. Talked with some folks about their work and the like. I met the Director of the Colegio (high school) and we talked about me working with the students there. There is a need here for work with jovenes (the teenagers) because there is not much to do here. Right up my alley.
There is also this amazing Taller de Mujeres (workshop of women) here. They aplique by hand and then sew with machines these great stuff. Bags, potholders, key chains, tshirts, etc with scenes of Paraguay on them. They work every day from 7a to 10a and again from 1p to 4p. There are about 20 of them and they are GREAT. All ages. I just waltzed in, introduced myself and they handed me a scene to coser (sew). I have worked on it both days and since I am leaving Monday, they are keeping it for me so I can finish it at the end of August when I arrive back. I will NEVER be bored here as I can always go work in the Taller and have good chats with the women. They are already teaching me Guarani and were impressed with my rudimentary abilities. And, they are already looking for a boyfriend for me, por supuesto (of course!). In turn, I am making fun of their need for everyone to have a boyfriend. One woman, Demetria, took me home today to drink terere with her family and her daughter then took me to a volleyball game but I had to head home because it was getting dark.
Tomorrow I am going to visit the museum and then talk more with Demetria about where the heck I am going to live when I get here. I have to find my own family with whom to live for the first two months. Kinda a pain, actually.
There is more, but I am going to sign off now because I am having problems with Yahoo and have to figure out how to tell people this post is up. Hee hee.
Much love and missing and happiness in what will be my new home. Photos to follow when I get back to Ita.
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Yo sé! Yo sé donde voy a vivir en Paraguay!
or in Guarani: Che aikuaa! Che aikuaa moó che aikota Paraguaipe.
I know! I know where I´m going to live in Paraguay! Santa Maria de Fé! (Saint Mary of Faith!)
As you can see from the above photos, it is a town in the south of Paraguay. If you look to the left to the little sticky in the first photo, you´ll see San Ignacio is nearby. You should be able to find this place on a good map of Paraguay and then just go up and over a little and you can mark a little spot so you´ll know where I am. :) Hee hee.
Santa Maria (without the Fé as it´s more commonly known) is in the Departmento of Missiones. It was originally a Jesuit reduction. There is a museum there from the old Jesuit Church and I live closest of everyone in my group to the Jesuit ruins, one of Paraguay´s claims to tourist fame. It is located 13 kms (7.8 miles) off the main ruta and the roads are open when it rains, which is more than many places in Paraguay can say!
There are a total of about 8000 people who live there. There´s the "centro" with about 1200 or 1400 and then 12 "campañias" with the other 6800 or so. It will cost me about 27,000Gs (about $5) to get to Asunción and only 6000Gs (about $1) to get to San Ignacio, where´s there´s everything I would ever need, pretty much. There is apparently internet in town, but that was told to me in my folder in a writing from 2005, so you never know what´s happening currently. We´ll see.
There is some English journalist lady named Margaret Hebbethlewaite who lives in town and teaches English and works there. No clue why. I said to someone "No! I don´t want to speak English!" and they said "No worries, she hates American English." Hee Hee.
Que mas? There´s loads of housing available in a reasonable price range when I´m ready to live on my own which is great. Santa Maria is a very safe town with very little crime (this was reported by the last volunteer who lived there in 2005 (he was a part of a different project, I´m the first Muni volunteer to live there)). There are no restuarants or hotels, but there is a project in town to try to change this to attract more tourists because of the cool Jesuit history there.
Initially, my contact person in town will be the Intendente or Mayor, Damian Garcia. He is interesting and active and is running for reelection. Someone in the Muni will be another one of my contacts once I get there and we all figure out together who´ll I´ll work best with.
They need help with: improvement of the muni social work programs, expansion of the cultural center and the library, increasing revenue, advancement of the tax collection system and working with neighborhood commissions. All of that is interesting to me, even the tax collection, más o menos, since it´d be a good skill to bring back to the States.
This is the CRAZY part. The woman I went to visit back in week 2 in Nueva Italia, Jenny, was there yesterday when we got our assignments. She has a friend from High School in the States who lived in Scotland for a while. While in Scotland, this friend met a Paraguayan named Rufino Olmedo. So when Jenny got here, she looked him up. He lives in Santa Maria, and Jenny has been to visit him! He is really active in the town and is listed in my packet as someone else to work with! How cool and weird is that? And, Jenny says my town is so beautiful and cute and awesome. I´m so blessed, I swear!
Que más? All the major cell phone companies get good reception in town. Yay. There is apparently a sugar cane factory only 3km away, and these tend to send a really awful baby puke smell into the air. Vamos a ver (We´ll see) how that goes. If it´s strong, I guess I´ll get used to that really quickly. :)
Money: I will earn 1,250,000Gs per month. This is roughly $208 per month. It should be enough. Housing there is about 150,000 to 200,000 a month, so that´s really good. I just found out that I get taxed on my living allowance as well as my montly readjustment that I earn for when I finish. Stupid US Government won´t even cut us a tax break when we go live somewhere to volunteer for 2 years. Crazy.
Well, people. That´s that. I hope you can find me on a map. Once I get to site, I´ll know more about communication and mail and stuff. It´s possible that you can send mail directly to my site...many PCVs do this. Kara, in Yuty, gets her mail in only 14 days from the States addressed like this: PEACE CORPS VOLUNTEER, YUTY, PARAGUAY. Seriously, that´s what they write. So great.
I´m off on Tuesday to visit my contact first in a retreat center and then to visit my site for 5 days. I´ll be gone Tuesday to Tuesday and will be back in good ole Itá on August 9 for only 10 more days then I officially swear in. So exciting. I´ll post a few more times before then, I am sure.
Much love and missing with LOADS OF EXCITEMENT!
Thursday, July 27, 2006
No pude creer que hoy estaba presentando a 26 alumnos en un colegio
The title says: I can´t believe that today, I was presenting to 26 students in a high school! En serio! (Seriously!) In Spanish! But I did. And I did it well. I thought so and the profesora who sat in the back and evaluted me thought so too. :)
I was so worried. I had written out everything I was going to say and how I was going to do it, and the whole time, I have been pissed that I have to do this, since I haven´t written out what I was going to say for a presentation since I was in high school (or maybe early on in college). It´s one of my skills, to be able to get up in front of just about anyone, any number of people and talk about whatever. And here I was, going to talk about self esteem and the importance of working hard and I was so scared.
But, It was great! I was able to use humor and kid with them and explain things well. They participated and other than the fact that a few times I couldn´t understand what they were saying to me and had to ask another student to scribe on the whiteboard for me so I could stop looking like an idiot, it was so good! Yay. I now officially believe I can teach stuff in site.
I know my Spanish is advancing, because the other night, for over an hour, I talked with my host mom about my sister´s interracial marriage and was able to explain the nuances of why it is not that weird in the US for this to happen. She was particularly interested in how my sister would raise her kids in a different religion than her own. She also loved the stories about the amazing 4 day wedding and really loved the part about the Catholic preist throwing a fit. :) And, I was able to understand every word of her story about the time she was in college and she and a friend took out the friend´s father´s car without permission and scratched the roof all to hell and painted it with 10 bottles of white nail polish...he didn´t notice for a week and they totally got away with it. Great night. I´m so pleased with myself that I can talk for an hour about complicated stuff in another language. I´ve wanted this for so long.
Tomorrow at 3 p.m., they are going to hand me a folder with information about where my new home is going to be. I will get onto email on Saturday sometime to post info about it, so stay tuned. I´m so excited. I can´t wait to find out. Only one of the seven of us in my group will be a "follow up volunteer", going to a site where there has been a volunteer before. That site is Yuty, the place I visited last week. The rest of us will get a new site where we get to create whatever we find out they want or need with no preconcieved notions of Peace Corps. I´m pretty sure I´m NOT going to Yuty, because it´s just not the right place for me, so vamos a ver! (We will see!)
¿Que mas? I promised more about people. My sister who is 10 is such an amazing kid. She is a natural actress, often putting on little funny skits in the kitchen with false teeth or crazy sunglasses or more. She just breaks out in song, randomly, and often imitates Michael Jackson or the Matrix apropos of nothing. It´s hilarious. We play Uno a lot and watch the Simpsons all the time. I´m just starting now to be able to understand what the Spanish-speaking Bart, Lisa, Marge and Homero (as he´s known here) are saying. It´s a little victory when I can get a whole scene. She and I laugh together a lot. I keep thinking how great it would be if I suddenly was able to make a lot of money and when she´s 18 and I´m 41, I could invite her to come for a month to the US and could pay for it all. I´d love to give that to her. I of course would never mention this to them, though.
I have taken to doing my own laundry. I put it all in a bucket in the bathroom and use the cool laundry soap I bought in Yuty for a mil ($.17). I liked doing my own laundry this way in Thailand, too. I´m a weirdo. I had to stop in Thailand because I didn´t have enough time. I was working so many hours there. But, here, I´ll be able to. We´ll see. If I can make friends with someone like the woman in Yuty who has a machine, I´m prolly gonna end up paying. Vamos a ver sobre este, tambien.
I have totally begun to study Guarani. Here´s a little taste.
Che areko mokoi ermanos Estados Unidospe. Che aiko Itápe Paraguaype. Che sy ko´ape oreko mokoi memby. Che aikota Paraguaipe por mokoi ano.
Okay, that says: I have 2 siblings in the United States. I live in Ita in Paraguay. My mother here has two kids. I am going to live in Paraguay for 2 years.
Construction is that the "a" in front of "reko" makes it the first person. The "o" in front of "reko" makes it the third person. The "ta" after the "ko" means future. The "pe" after a place means "in". It´s really interesting. I love the structure. I totally understand it. But, the pronunciation is so hard. I´m getting it though. If I can speak a little, it´ll help.
¿Que mas? I know nothing about the news. I have been only paying the slightest attention to the middle east and the senate vote about abortions and other things. I really know nothing. Anyone who wants to send along a little news sound bite now and then, I´d much appreciate it. I do know that the damn Big Dig is falling to crap, though. Amazing. And we think the infrastructure here is a mess. Jeez.
I am still patiently awaiting the cold winter weather, although I will admit the 90 degree heat does dry my laundry in only 3 hours or so. Quite convienent. Giant apples only cost a mil ($.17) and a big ol´pear only 1500G ($.25). But remember, I only earn $2.44 a day right now. Hee hee.
Tomorrow we are going on little cultural trips to different towns that are arty where we can buy hammocks or ao´poi, which are traditional Paraguayan shirts. That should be fun. I think they are only doing it to distract us from worrying about finding out our sites at 3.
Much love and missing. My first bout of homesickness has passed and I´m well now. Done with training, but well. Tell all your orientation staffs that they should be glad their damn training isn´t for 11 weeks! Jeez.
I was so worried. I had written out everything I was going to say and how I was going to do it, and the whole time, I have been pissed that I have to do this, since I haven´t written out what I was going to say for a presentation since I was in high school (or maybe early on in college). It´s one of my skills, to be able to get up in front of just about anyone, any number of people and talk about whatever. And here I was, going to talk about self esteem and the importance of working hard and I was so scared.
But, It was great! I was able to use humor and kid with them and explain things well. They participated and other than the fact that a few times I couldn´t understand what they were saying to me and had to ask another student to scribe on the whiteboard for me so I could stop looking like an idiot, it was so good! Yay. I now officially believe I can teach stuff in site.
I know my Spanish is advancing, because the other night, for over an hour, I talked with my host mom about my sister´s interracial marriage and was able to explain the nuances of why it is not that weird in the US for this to happen. She was particularly interested in how my sister would raise her kids in a different religion than her own. She also loved the stories about the amazing 4 day wedding and really loved the part about the Catholic preist throwing a fit. :) And, I was able to understand every word of her story about the time she was in college and she and a friend took out the friend´s father´s car without permission and scratched the roof all to hell and painted it with 10 bottles of white nail polish...he didn´t notice for a week and they totally got away with it. Great night. I´m so pleased with myself that I can talk for an hour about complicated stuff in another language. I´ve wanted this for so long.
Tomorrow at 3 p.m., they are going to hand me a folder with information about where my new home is going to be. I will get onto email on Saturday sometime to post info about it, so stay tuned. I´m so excited. I can´t wait to find out. Only one of the seven of us in my group will be a "follow up volunteer", going to a site where there has been a volunteer before. That site is Yuty, the place I visited last week. The rest of us will get a new site where we get to create whatever we find out they want or need with no preconcieved notions of Peace Corps. I´m pretty sure I´m NOT going to Yuty, because it´s just not the right place for me, so vamos a ver! (We will see!)
¿Que mas? I promised more about people. My sister who is 10 is such an amazing kid. She is a natural actress, often putting on little funny skits in the kitchen with false teeth or crazy sunglasses or more. She just breaks out in song, randomly, and often imitates Michael Jackson or the Matrix apropos of nothing. It´s hilarious. We play Uno a lot and watch the Simpsons all the time. I´m just starting now to be able to understand what the Spanish-speaking Bart, Lisa, Marge and Homero (as he´s known here) are saying. It´s a little victory when I can get a whole scene. She and I laugh together a lot. I keep thinking how great it would be if I suddenly was able to make a lot of money and when she´s 18 and I´m 41, I could invite her to come for a month to the US and could pay for it all. I´d love to give that to her. I of course would never mention this to them, though.
I have taken to doing my own laundry. I put it all in a bucket in the bathroom and use the cool laundry soap I bought in Yuty for a mil ($.17). I liked doing my own laundry this way in Thailand, too. I´m a weirdo. I had to stop in Thailand because I didn´t have enough time. I was working so many hours there. But, here, I´ll be able to. We´ll see. If I can make friends with someone like the woman in Yuty who has a machine, I´m prolly gonna end up paying. Vamos a ver sobre este, tambien.
I have totally begun to study Guarani. Here´s a little taste.
Che areko mokoi ermanos Estados Unidospe. Che aiko Itápe Paraguaype. Che sy ko´ape oreko mokoi memby. Che aikota Paraguaipe por mokoi ano.
Okay, that says: I have 2 siblings in the United States. I live in Ita in Paraguay. My mother here has two kids. I am going to live in Paraguay for 2 years.
Construction is that the "a" in front of "reko" makes it the first person. The "o" in front of "reko" makes it the third person. The "ta" after the "ko" means future. The "pe" after a place means "in". It´s really interesting. I love the structure. I totally understand it. But, the pronunciation is so hard. I´m getting it though. If I can speak a little, it´ll help.
¿Que mas? I know nothing about the news. I have been only paying the slightest attention to the middle east and the senate vote about abortions and other things. I really know nothing. Anyone who wants to send along a little news sound bite now and then, I´d much appreciate it. I do know that the damn Big Dig is falling to crap, though. Amazing. And we think the infrastructure here is a mess. Jeez.
I am still patiently awaiting the cold winter weather, although I will admit the 90 degree heat does dry my laundry in only 3 hours or so. Quite convienent. Giant apples only cost a mil ($.17) and a big ol´pear only 1500G ($.25). But remember, I only earn $2.44 a day right now. Hee hee.
Tomorrow we are going on little cultural trips to different towns that are arty where we can buy hammocks or ao´poi, which are traditional Paraguayan shirts. That should be fun. I think they are only doing it to distract us from worrying about finding out our sites at 3.
Much love and missing. My first bout of homesickness has passed and I´m well now. Done with training, but well. Tell all your orientation staffs that they should be glad their damn training isn´t for 11 weeks! Jeez.
Saturday, July 22, 2006
Pues, me encanté Yuty...
Well, I loved Yuty. What a wonderful little place...actually not that little. With about 4300 people in teh center and another 23,000 in over 80 different campañias (rural communities), it´s hardly small. There´s the Municipalidad and a rockin´library and a huge plaza with a grand church. There´s a pretty little traffic circle and resturants and even a couple of small hotels! (there´s not even a hotel in Itá!)
Kara is the volunteer who has lived and worked here for 2 years, she leaves in August. She worked on the cultural center, the library, with some neighborhood groups (notably one of women who make detergent, soap, and other things to sell locally).
She is "llevar-ing" her boyfriend (spanglish for taking him back to the States) and they will be married in Februray. Paraguay has a rather high percentage of volunteer marriages to host country nationals. Many stay here. (I can´t imagine this now, but vamos a ver and nunca dice nunca - we will see and never say never.) He´s fantastic, works at the Muni and is studying English now.
This town is 90k off the paved road, so if it rains, there´s no coming or going. The island of Yuty, más o menos. There´s no internet here, yet, although, there may be soon. To get from here to Asuncion is 90,000 G round trip, a small fortune on Pace Corps salary. But, I felt at home there. At peace more than in Itá. No sé porque. (I don´t know why.)
Someone from my group of 7 is going to be placed here. We don´t know who yet. There´s another site close by called Buena Vista. It´s much smaller, but supposed to be cute. We´ll see! I find out Friday, July 28 where I´m going to be living for the nxt two years. And the following Tuesday, we go on a 2 day retreat with our sit-contacts (each of us is matched with someone in the community). Then we travel with them to our future sites on August 3 for a week. We return to Itá on August 8 for only 10 more days before we swear in! I´m getting really excited and less nervous as time goes on.
My host mother in Yuty not only fed me gloriously, but she did all my laundry in her Machine! Amazing. And, she´s a teacher and we had a great conversation about studnets and learning and politics and stuff. Her husband is Argentinian and he is there working with her son who´s 19 who is studying. She and her 14 year old daughter are in Yuty. There´s lots of family splitting her because of lack of stady work in Paraguay regardless of education level.
Otras cosas:
- I haven´t mentioned the Paraguayan sky. It´s AMAZING. It looks fake sometimes, sort of like the Grand Canyon or the Annapurnas. Some days I can´t believe it isn´t a backdrop.
- Music. I cannot believe the noise pollution here. NO matter time of day or night, music blares - out of cars, trucks, houses, bars, restaurants. You name it. There´s this Paraguayan called cachackra. It´s everywhere. The most popular song is called ¨Dame duro¨ translated as ¨give it to me hard¨more or less. There´s no chance of it´s popularity fading, and in fact is playing right now in the internet cafe.
-Español, also known as Castellano. I´m coming along. I learned a lot in site this week. Everyone I meet seems to understand me. Now if only I understood them back! Hee hee.
NOTE: I tried to upload other photos and can´t! Sorry!
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Mi madre dijo que...
So my mom called me out. She says that she's still waiting to "smell" and "taste" and "know" Paraguay through my writing. She's right. I've been lazy. When I go to "Orange" (which is our nickname for the Internet place in Ita because the building is painted bright orange unlike no other) I am always stressed for time and money and usually just post something up and be done.
So, I figure I owe it to you all and to myself to really hunker down and try to invite you all into this crazy little country that I've begun to call home.
--There is a sugar cane factory along the Ruta on the way to Guarambare (where we train together once a week with the other group). Picture yourself on a micro (public bus) with a million other people. You got on and had a seat, but you got up to let an older woman sit down. Now you are holding on for dear life to the overhead bar while bracing your hip against the side of the bus, because the driver goes 50 mph and then slams on the breaks every 500 yards or so to pick someone up. There are no bus stops in Paraguay. You just stand on the street and stick out your hand and a bus will stop for you. Even if it just stopped less than 100 feet away to pick someone else up. Back on the bus: You are being stared at a lot, because your backpack or your jeans or your hair or something is giving you away as a "norte". The floor of the bus is thin metal and on some buses, some days, there are small holes and you can actually see the road pass by below your feet. There might be a chicken that joins you on the bus, or a small child toting a basket full of freshly baked chipas (bread with cheese and egg). When you begin to get close to the sugar cane factory, the smell permeates the air. Baby puke. That's all you can think of, and you hope that the wind is going AWAY from Guarambare, or else you'll have to smell this funky air all day while training.
--Awaking in the morning and opening the door to figure out the weather is always a challenge. Those who live in New England probably have some idea of what it is like to never know what the weather will be like, one day to the next, but even I have not experienced anything like this. 92 one day and 60 the next. In the morning, it might be "hace frio" (cold) so you put on jeans and socks and two layers. By 11:30 when you walk home from lunch, you have stripped off a layer and your socks and are still hot by the time you get home. And then when the sun goes down, it's chilly again. Sun and heat are often followed by rain and clouds and mist. Paraguayans take any sign of rain as a sign that they should definitely begin burning garbage. So, sometimes when the clouds begin to roll in, the smoke does too. Sometimes it's pleasant -- just leaves and orange rinds and the like. Other times it's toxic--plastic and bags and other man-made items. But, either way, no matter what the weatherman says, you probably know if it's going to rain based on the amount of smoke in the air and the smell.
--Mandioca is yucca. For those of you who aren't familiar with either, it's a root vegetable like a potato, only harder. And while it grows underground, it has a tree that grows up to about 4 or 5 feet in height. When they are harvested from the ground, they are covered with a dark brown bark that you have to peel before you boil them, inside is white. People eat them plain, just on a plate after being boiled. It would be like eating a slightly undercooked potato slice. Others mash it up and use them to make a pancake type thingy or use them for the dough for making empanadas. Empanadas are a half-circle shaped pastry that is filled with beef or chicken, along with egg and some veggies (sometimes). The dough is either made from mandioca or corn and then is either fried or baked. You can buy the dough circles at the store in a package and make your own. They are really easy. I've made soy-meat ones. Oh, let's talk about soy!
--Soy. There's tons here. They begin as beans. The ground is so fertile and soy so healthy, there is a national move to encourage people to eat it more. The process is that you have to soak the beans for 12 hours or so. Then you boil them for a long time, then you crush them up in a blender, and then push them through a strainer to separate the milk from the meat. Then you can use the milk to make a cake, use to make juice with fresh apples or oranges or mangos or whatever is growing on the tree in your yard. You can use the meat to make empanadas or cook with veggies and eat plain on with salad. It's really yummy and the protein equivelent is equal to like, a bunch of chicken or whatever. Lots of people in the campo don't know how to use it or prepare it and some consider beans a "poor people's food" and keep trying to eat meat exclusively, but it's getting better.
--Sunday mornings, the church bells ring out and then church music is piped out of the church and into the community. I live about a half-block from the church, so it's my morning greeting. This morning, the 8 a.m. mass was being broadcast out over the speakers as well. Many people here are very Catholic, but don't attend mass. The sounds of Sunday mornings are lovely though, especially since they are my only free day right now.
--Exhaust. Go outside and stand next to the nearest big truck you can find that is idling. Breathe in at the back of the truck two or three times. Ah, the smell of Paraguayan cities. :)
--Open hours. The stores open at the crack of dawn and there are people in the street early (around 6:30ish). But, they also close early. You can't buy anything after 6 or 6:30 at night. Well, okay, you might be able to find a dispensa (small store in someone's house) that is still open. But, you have to plan ahead to get what you need. Maggie (a woman in my group) lives where there is a dispensa, and her host mom gets up all night long on Fridays and Saturdays to sell stuff to mostly drunk people who want more beer and ring the bell.
--The sound of clapping hands. Here, when you come to someone's house and want them to let you in, you stand outside their door and clap. Seriously. If someone knocked on a door, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't know what it was. And I still haven't gotten used to it. Partially because half the time, when someone is in the street clapping, I have no idea if it's for us or another house nearby. It just sounds like clapping. But, my family always knows when it's for them. Our house also is two stories and the main living areas are upstairs. There's french doors that open to a balcony on the street, but if it's the slightest bit cold, those doors are closed and I can't hear anything. So, a few times, my friends have come by and clapped their little hearts out and I've never heard them. But, without fail, my family hears it when it's for them. Hee hee.
--The dog chorus. I've never been a fan of white-noise, especially to sleep with. I have one friend who can't sleep without it. But, I've been converted, and since the only white noise I'm able to produce is running the fan in my room (which, luckily, it turns out, is really loud). Thank god for it, because the damn dog chorus woulda killed me otherwise. There are about 100 dogs on my street. 3 live with Jim across the street. There are a couple on one side of me that live there and the others, I have no idea where they come from. But, the noise they make when they get started is astounding. One begins, woof, woof, woof. Another joins in, woofa, woofa, woofa. A bigger one gets started, arrrrwoof! arrrwoof! arrrwoof! And soon, the entire dog chorus is woofing away as if Arthur Fiedler was out on Calle Lopez in Barrio San Antonio in Ita, conducting the whole affair. One night, it went on for over an hour. One night, it was directly in front of Jim's door to his bedroom for an hour and he said it sounded like they'd invited a goat. Often, it sounds as though someone is being killed. This week, one of the dogs at Jim's is in heat, so it's even better! Viva la dog chorus, and thank f**k for the noisy fan my family gave me.
Next installment: people...but for now, Chau. I'm off for 5 days into the unpaved road yonder. I'll catch you on the flip side when I return. Luvvies.
So, I figure I owe it to you all and to myself to really hunker down and try to invite you all into this crazy little country that I've begun to call home.
--There is a sugar cane factory along the Ruta on the way to Guarambare (where we train together once a week with the other group). Picture yourself on a micro (public bus) with a million other people. You got on and had a seat, but you got up to let an older woman sit down. Now you are holding on for dear life to the overhead bar while bracing your hip against the side of the bus, because the driver goes 50 mph and then slams on the breaks every 500 yards or so to pick someone up. There are no bus stops in Paraguay. You just stand on the street and stick out your hand and a bus will stop for you. Even if it just stopped less than 100 feet away to pick someone else up. Back on the bus: You are being stared at a lot, because your backpack or your jeans or your hair or something is giving you away as a "norte". The floor of the bus is thin metal and on some buses, some days, there are small holes and you can actually see the road pass by below your feet. There might be a chicken that joins you on the bus, or a small child toting a basket full of freshly baked chipas (bread with cheese and egg). When you begin to get close to the sugar cane factory, the smell permeates the air. Baby puke. That's all you can think of, and you hope that the wind is going AWAY from Guarambare, or else you'll have to smell this funky air all day while training.
--Awaking in the morning and opening the door to figure out the weather is always a challenge. Those who live in New England probably have some idea of what it is like to never know what the weather will be like, one day to the next, but even I have not experienced anything like this. 92 one day and 60 the next. In the morning, it might be "hace frio" (cold) so you put on jeans and socks and two layers. By 11:30 when you walk home from lunch, you have stripped off a layer and your socks and are still hot by the time you get home. And then when the sun goes down, it's chilly again. Sun and heat are often followed by rain and clouds and mist. Paraguayans take any sign of rain as a sign that they should definitely begin burning garbage. So, sometimes when the clouds begin to roll in, the smoke does too. Sometimes it's pleasant -- just leaves and orange rinds and the like. Other times it's toxic--plastic and bags and other man-made items. But, either way, no matter what the weatherman says, you probably know if it's going to rain based on the amount of smoke in the air and the smell.
--Mandioca is yucca. For those of you who aren't familiar with either, it's a root vegetable like a potato, only harder. And while it grows underground, it has a tree that grows up to about 4 or 5 feet in height. When they are harvested from the ground, they are covered with a dark brown bark that you have to peel before you boil them, inside is white. People eat them plain, just on a plate after being boiled. It would be like eating a slightly undercooked potato slice. Others mash it up and use them to make a pancake type thingy or use them for the dough for making empanadas. Empanadas are a half-circle shaped pastry that is filled with beef or chicken, along with egg and some veggies (sometimes). The dough is either made from mandioca or corn and then is either fried or baked. You can buy the dough circles at the store in a package and make your own. They are really easy. I've made soy-meat ones. Oh, let's talk about soy!
--Soy. There's tons here. They begin as beans. The ground is so fertile and soy so healthy, there is a national move to encourage people to eat it more. The process is that you have to soak the beans for 12 hours or so. Then you boil them for a long time, then you crush them up in a blender, and then push them through a strainer to separate the milk from the meat. Then you can use the milk to make a cake, use to make juice with fresh apples or oranges or mangos or whatever is growing on the tree in your yard. You can use the meat to make empanadas or cook with veggies and eat plain on with salad. It's really yummy and the protein equivelent is equal to like, a bunch of chicken or whatever. Lots of people in the campo don't know how to use it or prepare it and some consider beans a "poor people's food" and keep trying to eat meat exclusively, but it's getting better.
--Sunday mornings, the church bells ring out and then church music is piped out of the church and into the community. I live about a half-block from the church, so it's my morning greeting. This morning, the 8 a.m. mass was being broadcast out over the speakers as well. Many people here are very Catholic, but don't attend mass. The sounds of Sunday mornings are lovely though, especially since they are my only free day right now.
--Exhaust. Go outside and stand next to the nearest big truck you can find that is idling. Breathe in at the back of the truck two or three times. Ah, the smell of Paraguayan cities. :)
--Open hours. The stores open at the crack of dawn and there are people in the street early (around 6:30ish). But, they also close early. You can't buy anything after 6 or 6:30 at night. Well, okay, you might be able to find a dispensa (small store in someone's house) that is still open. But, you have to plan ahead to get what you need. Maggie (a woman in my group) lives where there is a dispensa, and her host mom gets up all night long on Fridays and Saturdays to sell stuff to mostly drunk people who want more beer and ring the bell.
--The sound of clapping hands. Here, when you come to someone's house and want them to let you in, you stand outside their door and clap. Seriously. If someone knocked on a door, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't know what it was. And I still haven't gotten used to it. Partially because half the time, when someone is in the street clapping, I have no idea if it's for us or another house nearby. It just sounds like clapping. But, my family always knows when it's for them. Our house also is two stories and the main living areas are upstairs. There's french doors that open to a balcony on the street, but if it's the slightest bit cold, those doors are closed and I can't hear anything. So, a few times, my friends have come by and clapped their little hearts out and I've never heard them. But, without fail, my family hears it when it's for them. Hee hee.
--The dog chorus. I've never been a fan of white-noise, especially to sleep with. I have one friend who can't sleep without it. But, I've been converted, and since the only white noise I'm able to produce is running the fan in my room (which, luckily, it turns out, is really loud). Thank god for it, because the damn dog chorus woulda killed me otherwise. There are about 100 dogs on my street. 3 live with Jim across the street. There are a couple on one side of me that live there and the others, I have no idea where they come from. But, the noise they make when they get started is astounding. One begins, woof, woof, woof. Another joins in, woofa, woofa, woofa. A bigger one gets started, arrrrwoof! arrrwoof! arrrwoof! And soon, the entire dog chorus is woofing away as if Arthur Fiedler was out on Calle Lopez in Barrio San Antonio in Ita, conducting the whole affair. One night, it went on for over an hour. One night, it was directly in front of Jim's door to his bedroom for an hour and he said it sounded like they'd invited a goat. Often, it sounds as though someone is being killed. This week, one of the dogs at Jim's is in heat, so it's even better! Viva la dog chorus, and thank f**k for the noisy fan my family gave me.
Next installment: people...but for now, Chau. I'm off for 5 days into the unpaved road yonder. I'll catch you on the flip side when I return. Luvvies.
Friday, July 14, 2006
Voy a visitar otro lugar en Paraguay en departmento Caazapa, se llama Yuty
I am going to visit another place in Paraguay in the department of Caazapa called Yuty. We (three of us in my group, a language teacher and my trainer) leave on Monday a.m. and come back on Friday. This is called Long Field Practice. We give charlas, work with the Muni, etc. Should be a lot of work and a lot of fun. Considering that Yuty is 90 k.m. off the highway and that road is dirt, we are really hoping it doesn´t keep raining or we won´t get there.
This week has been hard. I am homesick for the first time and struggling with small group dynamics. We found out our sites are more rural than usual, and while I am glad about this since smaller Municipalities need us more than larger ones, it is also a little scary. Perhaps I´ll be living in a place like Yuty, off the main ruta and then I will be on the island of Yuty if it rains and the roads shut. But, I´ve lived in very isolated places before (I once spent 4 straight months on Koh Tao without leaving at all and NEVER left Steamboat for over 5 months) so I know that part will be fine. It´s the communication that scares me. Internet and the ability to keep in touch. But, again, I´ve dealt with that before too. I continue to worry about my level of Spanish and being understood and understanding. I know at this point I can be understood without too much trouble (even if I sound like an idiot) but it´s the understanding others part that scares me more.
¿Que más? (This phrase has become a running joke, because our language teachers say it every two seconds to get us to expand and talk more about stuff. We give them a hard time about it.)
I got a french pedicure for 5000G last night (about $1). That was a nice treat. Food continues to be fine. I should do a whole post about that at some point. I will. I bought the Paraguayan equivelent of Soft Scrub and cleaned my bathroom floor the other day because it was so gross (anyone who knows me well knows that it must be really gross for me to actually get down and clean something!). We found a bakery and now the owners expect us each day after class. :)
This weather is insane. Yesterday it was 92 degrees (about 35 C) and today it´s about 65 (20 C). Crazy ass winter.
I´m going to Asunción on Sunday to see Piratas del Caribe II which just opened today. YAY! A real movie in a theatre. In ENGLISH! Woo hoo.
Este semana, mis compañeras de clase y yo empezamos apriendiendo Guarani. Ahora, yo tengo tres idiomas en mi mente. Loca! Necesito traducir Guarani a ingles en mi mente y despues, traducir a español. Dios Mio! Pero, yo sé que es mejor saber algo Guarani porqué lo ayuda con trabajando con la gente. (This week, my classmates and I began learning Guarani. Now, I have three languages in my mind. Crazy! I have to translate Guarani to English in my mind and after, translate to Spanish. My God! But, I know that it is better to know some Guarani because it helps with working with the people.)
All is well in Paraguay. Hope you are well too. Keep in touch. Love and missing.
This week has been hard. I am homesick for the first time and struggling with small group dynamics. We found out our sites are more rural than usual, and while I am glad about this since smaller Municipalities need us more than larger ones, it is also a little scary. Perhaps I´ll be living in a place like Yuty, off the main ruta and then I will be on the island of Yuty if it rains and the roads shut. But, I´ve lived in very isolated places before (I once spent 4 straight months on Koh Tao without leaving at all and NEVER left Steamboat for over 5 months) so I know that part will be fine. It´s the communication that scares me. Internet and the ability to keep in touch. But, again, I´ve dealt with that before too. I continue to worry about my level of Spanish and being understood and understanding. I know at this point I can be understood without too much trouble (even if I sound like an idiot) but it´s the understanding others part that scares me more.
¿Que más? (This phrase has become a running joke, because our language teachers say it every two seconds to get us to expand and talk more about stuff. We give them a hard time about it.)
I got a french pedicure for 5000G last night (about $1). That was a nice treat. Food continues to be fine. I should do a whole post about that at some point. I will. I bought the Paraguayan equivelent of Soft Scrub and cleaned my bathroom floor the other day because it was so gross (anyone who knows me well knows that it must be really gross for me to actually get down and clean something!). We found a bakery and now the owners expect us each day after class. :)
This weather is insane. Yesterday it was 92 degrees (about 35 C) and today it´s about 65 (20 C). Crazy ass winter.
I´m going to Asunción on Sunday to see Piratas del Caribe II which just opened today. YAY! A real movie in a theatre. In ENGLISH! Woo hoo.
Este semana, mis compañeras de clase y yo empezamos apriendiendo Guarani. Ahora, yo tengo tres idiomas en mi mente. Loca! Necesito traducir Guarani a ingles en mi mente y despues, traducir a español. Dios Mio! Pero, yo sé que es mejor saber algo Guarani porqué lo ayuda con trabajando con la gente. (This week, my classmates and I began learning Guarani. Now, I have three languages in my mind. Crazy! I have to translate Guarani to English in my mind and after, translate to Spanish. My God! But, I know that it is better to know some Guarani because it helps with working with the people.)
All is well in Paraguay. Hope you are well too. Keep in touch. Love and missing.
Monday, July 10, 2006
Visité San Juan Bautista y ví un voluntario en su sitio
I visited San Juan Bautista and I saw a volunteer in his site. (That´s the translation of the title.)
We went on our "technical overnight" to check out another site. We attended a "charla" given by the volunteer, Leo, about civic education and we had dinner with the Intendente (Mayor). After that we drank beers and hung out with both Americans and Paraguayans. The next day, we went to a meeting of a women´s neighborhood comission (they first built a bunch of fagons (which are outdoor ovens) and now they are working on getting some modern bathrooms with septic tanks built). We also visited the Casa de Cultural and the Biblioteca (Culture House and the Library) before we left. It was a cool visit and a good change of pace to get out of Itá.
I got a "Intermediate Mid" on my language test. That´s the level I have to be at before they will let me go to site, so that´s good, since I have 6 more weeks. It´s also the level you have to be at when you start studying Guarani, so now I am. It´s hard and intimidating. There are 12 vowels. a, e, i, o, u pronounced the same as in spanish and y, said like a gutteral sound you would make when you poop. Then there´s a, e, i, o, u and y which are all nasal. Say a short a sound through your nose. That´s it. Every word in Guarani ends in a vowel. Apparently I won´t need it much, depending, but it does a world of good to know some.
¿Que mas? We figured out that we get $3 a day for stuff. We are obviously fed and housed, but for everything else, that´s what we get. It´s enough, but not enough to go around buying stuff. I have to be careful.
As I get better at speaking Spanish, my host mom has kicked it up a notch, so it still feels like I don´t understand anything. I guess if someone learning English was all of a sudden speaking in the past participle, I´d use it more and it´d be hard for them, too. I still love my family, though. We talk forever some nights.
Did I mention there´s a housekeeper/childcare woman in the house? She cooks and cleans and takes care of both girls while Malú is at work. She left this week to go back home to take care of her ailing parents since she´s the only single one of 14 kids. I´m not sorry to see her go. I didn´t like her. She poked me a lot and I couldn´t understand anything she said (Malú said she can´t understand her sometimes, too.) She also tried to exhort some money from me for doing laundry. Long story. Anyway, now there´s a new girl who´s 21 and can´t cook anything. So Malú is teaching her. She cleans like a demon, though, so Malú likes her so far. It´s weird to have a maid in the house, but I´m getting used to it, too.
Nada mas. Ojala que el español que estoy aprendiendo ayudará en el futuro en los estados unidos. Hay muchas palabras specifica a Paraguay. (I hope the spanish I am learning will help me in the future in the U.S. There are many words that are specific to Paraguay.)
Love and missing.
We went on our "technical overnight" to check out another site. We attended a "charla" given by the volunteer, Leo, about civic education and we had dinner with the Intendente (Mayor). After that we drank beers and hung out with both Americans and Paraguayans. The next day, we went to a meeting of a women´s neighborhood comission (they first built a bunch of fagons (which are outdoor ovens) and now they are working on getting some modern bathrooms with septic tanks built). We also visited the Casa de Cultural and the Biblioteca (Culture House and the Library) before we left. It was a cool visit and a good change of pace to get out of Itá.
I got a "Intermediate Mid" on my language test. That´s the level I have to be at before they will let me go to site, so that´s good, since I have 6 more weeks. It´s also the level you have to be at when you start studying Guarani, so now I am. It´s hard and intimidating. There are 12 vowels. a, e, i, o, u pronounced the same as in spanish and y, said like a gutteral sound you would make when you poop. Then there´s a, e, i, o, u and y which are all nasal. Say a short a sound through your nose. That´s it. Every word in Guarani ends in a vowel. Apparently I won´t need it much, depending, but it does a world of good to know some.
¿Que mas? We figured out that we get $3 a day for stuff. We are obviously fed and housed, but for everything else, that´s what we get. It´s enough, but not enough to go around buying stuff. I have to be careful.
As I get better at speaking Spanish, my host mom has kicked it up a notch, so it still feels like I don´t understand anything. I guess if someone learning English was all of a sudden speaking in the past participle, I´d use it more and it´d be hard for them, too. I still love my family, though. We talk forever some nights.
Did I mention there´s a housekeeper/childcare woman in the house? She cooks and cleans and takes care of both girls while Malú is at work. She left this week to go back home to take care of her ailing parents since she´s the only single one of 14 kids. I´m not sorry to see her go. I didn´t like her. She poked me a lot and I couldn´t understand anything she said (Malú said she can´t understand her sometimes, too.) She also tried to exhort some money from me for doing laundry. Long story. Anyway, now there´s a new girl who´s 21 and can´t cook anything. So Malú is teaching her. She cleans like a demon, though, so Malú likes her so far. It´s weird to have a maid in the house, but I´m getting used to it, too.
Nada mas. Ojala que el español que estoy aprendiendo ayudará en el futuro en los estados unidos. Hay muchas palabras specifica a Paraguay. (I hope the spanish I am learning will help me in the future in the U.S. There are many words that are specific to Paraguay.)
Love and missing.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Hoy es Diá de Practica numero tres
Today is Dia de Practica number 3. We have 5. During these days, we are meant to go out in Itá and talk with people and possibly work on a small project with someone in the community as a way to practice what our days and work will be like in our placements later. Kimberly and I were matched together and we went two weeks ago to talk with the Director of the Technical High School. Today, we meet with him to finalize the charlas (talks) we will give on self esteem (autoestima) and the importance of being a hard worker (importancia del trabajo duro o ser guapo/a) (NB: guapo and guapa here mean "hard working" intead of "cute/goodlooking"--este es muy interesante.)
Because our project was so easy to put together - the director had worked with the Peace Corps women who were in Itá - I went this morning to interview the Secretaria de Mujer (Secretary of Women) at the Municipality in Itá. It was an interesting conversation. The office was opened only 2 years ago and deals will all issues relating to women. She created a women´s interest group and deals with domestic violence problems. She is pretty dynamic. We talked for about 45 minutes and since I´m still only getting about 80% of what anyone says to me, it was even more interesting. Hee hee.
We go tomorrow for one night to a place called San Juan Bautista in the Department of Misiones for our Technical Overnight. We will spend time with the Volunteer who lives there and learn more about Muni work. Not next week, but the week after, we go for 5 days for Long Field Practice. There are two sites for that, the 7 of us are split. We again spend time with a volunteer and learn even more.
On July 28, I find out my site. I´m getting excited and worried at the same time. I remember so clearly that when Becky and I were travelling in Asia, I would not want whatever transport journey we were on to end (like the 20 hour train ride or the 15 hour bus ride) because even though it was exciting to be in a new place, it meant having to walk around finding somewhere to stay and reacclimating all over again. Training is like one of those journeys. It´s been long and will be longer, but at the same time, there´s so many challenges that come with its ending. Leaving my family here, who I´ve grown to really like (and they me, they keep asking if I can be placed in Itá) and leaving the safe little bubble of my cohort, and going somewhere alone and having to figure out the work every day. But, I don´t have as much fear about this than I did about leaving in the first place from the US, so I must be fine. I know wherever I go in Paraguay, I will be able to do good work there, helping people be more in order to help themselves have more.
Here is a list that Jenny and I (the volunteer I went to visit my second or third week) and I made called: What is development work? I share it so you have more idea what I will be doing for these two years and what I want to do in the US when I get home.
--We are here to help people be more, not just to have more. Working on the being more is best. The having more often overshadows and can sometimes undermine the being more.
--Our work is a process. Our work can´t be known before we get somewhere. Our work will be grounded in relationships. Our work, therefore, might not become completely clear for some time, and once we think it has, it might change.
--What does "sustainability" really mean and look like? How do we check for it? We need to engage in constant self-assessment: do our actions create sustainability and independence or dependence on the part of Paraguayans (or whoever we are working with)?
--We should recognize that we will be tempted to "take charge" and have "successful" projects that ultimately lead to more dependence. We should recognize that fostering independence and sustainability is more ardous, more time-consuming, and often less clear (in its outcomes).
--Development work is an inherently long process. Sustainable development cannot be anything but a long process.
--Most of us want to be able to see and touch the results of hard work. Sometimes we just don´t get to....
--We will be uncomfortable. We will engage in action that takes us outside our comfort zones. PC Volunteers need to be willing to engage in real relationships, be wrong and therefore re-assess, admit what we don´t know, and put ourselves in work situations we might not be able to control.
--Our nature as humans is to want answers: the "correct path" is either "one" (black) or the "other" (white). This is our nature because feeling lost makes us uncomfortable and we want to believe we have done good. In development work, we must be prepared to LIVE IN THE GRAY.
--The little things (small changes) need to be enough.
Until next time, Love and missing.
Because our project was so easy to put together - the director had worked with the Peace Corps women who were in Itá - I went this morning to interview the Secretaria de Mujer (Secretary of Women) at the Municipality in Itá. It was an interesting conversation. The office was opened only 2 years ago and deals will all issues relating to women. She created a women´s interest group and deals with domestic violence problems. She is pretty dynamic. We talked for about 45 minutes and since I´m still only getting about 80% of what anyone says to me, it was even more interesting. Hee hee.
We go tomorrow for one night to a place called San Juan Bautista in the Department of Misiones for our Technical Overnight. We will spend time with the Volunteer who lives there and learn more about Muni work. Not next week, but the week after, we go for 5 days for Long Field Practice. There are two sites for that, the 7 of us are split. We again spend time with a volunteer and learn even more.
On July 28, I find out my site. I´m getting excited and worried at the same time. I remember so clearly that when Becky and I were travelling in Asia, I would not want whatever transport journey we were on to end (like the 20 hour train ride or the 15 hour bus ride) because even though it was exciting to be in a new place, it meant having to walk around finding somewhere to stay and reacclimating all over again. Training is like one of those journeys. It´s been long and will be longer, but at the same time, there´s so many challenges that come with its ending. Leaving my family here, who I´ve grown to really like (and they me, they keep asking if I can be placed in Itá) and leaving the safe little bubble of my cohort, and going somewhere alone and having to figure out the work every day. But, I don´t have as much fear about this than I did about leaving in the first place from the US, so I must be fine. I know wherever I go in Paraguay, I will be able to do good work there, helping people be more in order to help themselves have more.
Here is a list that Jenny and I (the volunteer I went to visit my second or third week) and I made called: What is development work? I share it so you have more idea what I will be doing for these two years and what I want to do in the US when I get home.
--We are here to help people be more, not just to have more. Working on the being more is best. The having more often overshadows and can sometimes undermine the being more.
--Our work is a process. Our work can´t be known before we get somewhere. Our work will be grounded in relationships. Our work, therefore, might not become completely clear for some time, and once we think it has, it might change.
--What does "sustainability" really mean and look like? How do we check for it? We need to engage in constant self-assessment: do our actions create sustainability and independence or dependence on the part of Paraguayans (or whoever we are working with)?
--We should recognize that we will be tempted to "take charge" and have "successful" projects that ultimately lead to more dependence. We should recognize that fostering independence and sustainability is more ardous, more time-consuming, and often less clear (in its outcomes).
--Development work is an inherently long process. Sustainable development cannot be anything but a long process.
--Most of us want to be able to see and touch the results of hard work. Sometimes we just don´t get to....
--We will be uncomfortable. We will engage in action that takes us outside our comfort zones. PC Volunteers need to be willing to engage in real relationships, be wrong and therefore re-assess, admit what we don´t know, and put ourselves in work situations we might not be able to control.
--Our nature as humans is to want answers: the "correct path" is either "one" (black) or the "other" (white). This is our nature because feeling lost makes us uncomfortable and we want to believe we have done good. In development work, we must be prepared to LIVE IN THE GRAY.
--The little things (small changes) need to be enough.
Until next time, Love and missing.
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