Scared? Who's scared?

It's T-17 days and counting.

I realized this week that I have fear about leaving for Paraguay. So I sat with that for a day or so and then finally got sick of being afraid and not knowing why. So I really felt it and figured out that what I'm afraid of is being sad. I am anticipating missing friends and family, being far away, missing out on Fourth of July festivities (my favorite holiday), and generally struggling with all the normal things someone struggles with when they leave.

Once I knew what what going on and could put voice to it (Tengo miedo que estar triste), then I could move on. Today I'm good. I set up all my "home secretary" stuff for my mother and cleaned out my email and sent myself some documents I know I'll want later. I got a giftcard from a committee I'm on at work for REI so I get to go buy new shoes tomorrow to take with me.

I had a meeting at another campus this morning and I bumped into a student who was at a program I was part of about safe travel for women. When I told her what I'm doing, she said that she likes when she meets people with amazing lives and I'm one. I'm not sure I have an "amazing life" but I sure liked hearing that. It helped in a difficult week.

This is a rollercoaster. Picking up my life and leaving for a new adventure is not easier just because I've done it (a few times) before. People might think it looks easy and I do it without reservation, but they are wrong. Everyone has reservation. Everyone wonders if the choice they are making is the right one. Everyone cries a little. But it gets us through to the next step and gets us to the next risk.

That's where I've been headed all week. And I'm almost there.