Are you .... than a 5th Grader?

Fifth Graders in the U.S. are 10. Approximately. We have all been treated to Jeff Foxworthy on Fox since February on this show where adult contestants have to answer questions that any American 5th Grader knows. It's annoying. (And amazingly enough, has already been replicated in Australia, beginning this month.)

The question I ask myself is not if I am smarter than your average 5th Grader, but whether I can compete with them in other ways. I am inspired to write this post given what just happened to me at the Government Center Plaza farmer's market. Read on.

1. Am I a Better Flirter than a 5th Grader?
I'd venture to say "no" to this one. 10-year-olds are notoriously interested in the world around them and willing to talk to people to learn more about whatever's going on. Not only that, but they are still young enough to be cute and charming and old enough to know how to manipulate the person they are talking to into giving them what they want. Further, they are full of confidence. They haven't crossed over to the "am I good enough, cute enough, blah blah crap" that hinders our ability to organically interact with other people. Now, I realize it probably isn't all that appropriate to call this flirting, especially when the participants are one 10-year-old and one adult, but fast forward it 20 years and it's flirting. And they'd kick my ass. Boys and girls.

2. Am I in Better Control of my Body than a 5th Grader?
A dead tie. I fall down. Regularly. When I'm just walking down the street, sometimes. I trip over things that aren't there. I walk into poles, corners, and doors. I bump my head. I hit things with my bag when I'm carrying one. I drop stuff. I had this problem when I was young, as many 10-year-olds do. They aren't totally aware of their size or their surroundings, they don't pay enough attention, and they are usually growing so fast, that as soon as they get used to their body, it changes again. Most people grow out of it. I apparently haven't. I fell today on nothing on the sidewalk at the aforementioned farmer's market. I don't even really get that embarrassed anymore, I'm so used to it. So now, I can add "totally scraped up knee" to the long list of injuries and scars I've added to my body just in the past year. It's amazing.

3. Do I Need Less Sleep than a 5th Grader?
Not really. I am a bit of a disaster when I don't get my 8 hours. Most 5th graders need tons of sleep -- you know the whole growing, learning thing is tiring. I haven't really gotten the reprieve that was supposed to come with age.

4. Do I Rely Less on my Parents than a 5th Grader?
Well, obviously, yes. But not really. I think some 5th Graders, if given the choice and the ability to earn their own money to feed and house themselves, might do better than I at this one. I really dig my parents. I like spending time with them, like talking to them, and feel like it's my duty to help them out when they need it. I talk to my mother almost every day. Pretty sure most 5th graders would rather die than admit what I just wrote.

5. Can I Do my Hair and Makeup Better than a 5th Grader?
No. And this one is even more humiliating given the fact that most 5th Graders number 1, don't wear makeup (I hope.) and number 2, don't usually do their own hair. But, I'd venture to guess that if they did, they would do it better than I. My makeup is usually either gone or all over my face my noon. More than half the time, I pull my hair up because I can't deal with actually doing it. I'm too old to lose this one, but I think I would.

6. Do I Get Along with my Siblings better than a 5th Grader?
Yes. Big yes. Most 5th Graders are usually trying to kill a sibling while their parents aren't looking. This is the game show for me. I'd win this one. I love my siblings and they love me. We fight, sure, but they are adult fights (with an occasional carry-over from childhood thrown in). We don't give each other noogies or wedgies and we don't pour stuff in each others' beds. We know better than to run to a parent to rat out another. We understand how sacred our relationships are.

So there you go. I'd win one stand off against a bunch of 5th Graders, and that one is largely due to perspective. I've always harbored a secret desire to go back to being 8 or 10. Apparently, I've maintained enough characteristics of someone this age that I don't have to go back. I'll just carry on!