Podemos ir en paz...

We can go in peace.

This, my loyal readers, was the only phrase I was totally sure of during the entire Mass I attended Sunday night in Santa Maria. En serio -- really. I decided to go for two reasons, first because Demetria, one of the women here who was trying to find me a place to live asked me to go (she´s the church secretary) and two because I like going to mass in different languages (i once went in Vietnam, too). Well, different language is definitely the way to describe it, because the whole thing almost was in Guarani. I am seriously doubting the idea that I could EVER become fluent in Guarani. I´m worried enough about Spanish, but I must try to learn it because everyone here uses it.

Speaking of crazy language stuff, early morning Sunday, the 19-year-old I shared a room with this week was trying to get dressed in the pitch dark. I woke from a sleep and said to her, in ENGLISH ¨Patricia, turn on the light if you want.¨She turned around and said, ¨¿Que? And, I, still half asleep, was able to say "Aprender la luz si vos queres.¨Then I rolled over and went back to sleep. I still can´t believe the whole thing happened. It was pretty funny.

I´m totally overwhelmed. I´m exhausted from speaking nothing but Spanish for a week and I´m totally doubting my ability to make a difference here for one and for two, whether they really need me. Santa Maria is pretty on top of things. I don´t really have an official ¨counterpart¨because the guy who came to the big Peace Corps meeting and took me back to Sta. Maria is the Mayor´s nephew and doesn´t even work at the Muni. He isn´t really involved in anything, but is the husband of the Secretary of the Catastro (housing tax system) and a member of a very prominent family in town. He´s was really really nice to me. The family overall is great, even though I truly believe the dad thinks I´m stupid.

I find the men especially to not really have time for me because I can´t speak well. I think it is a worldwide thing to jump to the conclusion that because someone can´t speak the language well, it means they are stupid. The next time you talk to someone with a really thick accent or who clearly doesn´t have a lot of English, think of me! I´m the equivelent of that here in Paraguay, trying my damnedest to get ideas out of my head and through my mouth. And, desperately trying to understand what´s being said around me. It´s tough.

I figured out where I´m going to live. There´s a retired teacher who is 61. She has a great house and she lives alone. Her three daughters live elsewhere studying and working and she and her husband are separated. She has a great bedroom for me with a bed, table and chairs, armoire, armchair, fan and mosquito net. The door locks and so does the armoire. Her kitchen and bathroom are reallynice and she has hot water. I can use her kitchen and fridge and she´ll cook too. There´s a young English girl in Santa Maria (no clue why she´s leaving this month to go back home to college) and she lived with this woman for her first 2 months as well. I´m going to pay 300,000Gs a month, about $50 or 25% of my pay.

AND, there´s this great house that´s empty, too, right on the plaza, across from the police station and centro de salud (hospital) that´s for rent. The woman who owns it lives in San Ignacio, but she has a representiva in town who already has heard I´m interested. I can´t live alone till October, so we´ll see.

I´m totally fluctuating between excitement and fear. I questioned Sunday night for the first timein a while what the hell I´m doing here. Sometimes I think I know and other times I want Starbucks and a chat with someone who knows me.

I´m glad to be back in Itá today, I missed it. But that´s not good, though, because I´m tired already of missing things and I only have 2 weeks left here with the Cordes Lopez family. I´m going to miss them when I go. I´m sure Santa Maria will also feel like home soon enough and I´ll figure out a routine and a way to work. And, maybe I´ll plant a garden, definitely talk with neighbors, drink terere until I´m shaking from the caffeine yet thoroughly hydrated. Perhaps work with a new committee to plan a Comedor por Niños Pobres: a place for poor kids to have a healthy daily meal. This idea was already mentioned to me by Ña Eva, the mom in the family I stayed with, the Mayor´s sister.

We´ll see. What I know is this:

--The view in Santa Maria is gorgeous. There are cerros (hills) in the distance and lots of trees and it´s muy tranquillo - literal silence sometimes.

--There are monkeys who live in the trees on the Plaza. Someone brought 2 and now there are 8. They will literally come and take the bread from your hands. Amazing.

--I can talk to strangers. I can say ¨Soy voluntaria de Cuerpo de Paz. ¨¿Conoces Cuerpo de Paz? all day long.

--A three year old told me the reason I don´t have a novio (boyfriend) is because I´m too tall. Nice. Another three year old asked her mom why I talk funny.

--It is going to be very hard not to ride on a motorbike. This rule of Peace Corps worldwide, if broken, sends you right back to the States without passing GO or collecting $200. Everyone in Santa Maria has one and lots are the same type I owned in Thailand. I can get a free bicycle from CdP, which I´m going to do, pronto. It´s already killing me I can never accept a ride.

--I´m still happy. Questioning and doubting, but still happy. No te preocupes. (Don´t you worry.)

This week is crazy busy and next is my last week in Itá, but I´ll be back to write more before I move my life south to the tiny tranquillo town of Santa Maria, which will be my home and my work for 2 years.

Much love and missing. (tried for 20 minutes and totally annoyed the nice guy in the internet cafe and still couldn´t upload any photos! sorry peeps!)