Q: Where's the best place to eat a pizza at Uno's on break?

A: In the way-back of your station wagon in the parking lot behind the restaurant. (These kids only need pizza to complete their fun!)

I was on a double today, god willing, my last day at Uno's. I technically have one more shift next Saturday-day, but I'm trying desperately to get someone to pick it up for me. I worked from 11 a.m. to 8:30 p.m. with about a 45 minute break and I walked out with $156, so it's not all bad.

Around 4, I had a break to eat. I couldn't stand staying inside anymore, since it was such a gorgeous day - blue sky, puffy white clouds and wind. So I went out back with my individual sized Chicago Classic pizza on a plate and a cup of water splashed with lemonade and opened the back of my oh-so-cool station wagon and sat in the back. It was chilly, though, so I closed the hatch - slowly, as to not completely shut it. But it clicked shut anyway, and there I was, happily eating my pizza and drinking my soda, both sat on the floor in front of me. I was trapped in the back, though, and had to crawl over the seat to let myself out when I was done. :)

I have had the following in my head for the past week, and I've got to put them somewhere. So, read along. If you agree, cool. If you don't, that's cool too. Not meaning ot sound preachy, but these are some things I desperately have wanted to say to my tables this past week and of course, couldn't.

1. Servers are paid roughly $2.43 per hour. The tips are the salary.

2. You tip 20% if the person was good, friendly, brought you stuff you asked for and didn't forget anything. 15% if the person was just okay, forgot something and didn't mention it. You only tip less than 15% if the person was horrible, and in that case, you should ask to talk to a manager instead of just tipping badly. The person needs help. If you are inclined to tip more than 20%, fantastic. The person will love you and talk about you for days.

3. You don't tip less at lunch. Lunch is still the same service as dinner. The person still does as much work. And, the amount spent is consistently lower at lunch, making for lower tips as it is. So when someone doesn't tip 20% or even 15% just because it's lunch, it makes for a very low money-making day and leaves the server thinking they did something wrong.

4. Every time you ask a server to get you something, it's the same amount of effort for them. For example, when you place your food order, the server is only putting it into the computer and then getting it when it's cooked and bringing to to you. But when you order a salad, dessert or drinks, you can bet that she/he has to make at least one of those things by his/herself. And, every beer or coffee or coffee drink you order is another trip for the server. So, just becuase you only ate sandwiches and then sat for 2 hours having beers or coffee or whatever, that doesn't mean you don't have to tip as much. You do. She/he put in as much time and running around to get you the next round as if you had ordered a five course meal and only one drink.

5. If you don't like your drink, food, soup, whatever...tell the server. They should fix it for you. They should offer you something else. They should offer to send a manager over. If they don't offer you something, don't go to that place again.

6. If your food takes longer than you think it should be taking, and your server has not even mentioned this to you, definitely hold them accountable. But, if you see that virtually every table is full and your server has come by at least once or twice to check your sodas and to tell you that your food is coming or that she/he just checked on it, please don't punish her/him for the lateness of your food. They didn't cook it. Chances are, they stood back in the kitchen and tried to find out where it was while dodging the kitchen staff trying to kill them. Or, they just stood by and waited, because they had no choice because there were 4 or 5 tables in front of yours back there. Hold the whole restuarant accountable. Ask to talk to a manager, or don't go back there. But don't take it out on the server in the tip just because you can.

7. If your server greets you and says anything honest, such as, "I'll be right back. I'm so sorry, but this table behind you was sat just before you got here, and I have to just get their drinks" it's probably true. Watch her/him for a few minutes. Is she/he running around all the time or is she/he missing or do you see them standing around? If they are near you and running around, chances are they will get to you as soon as humanly possible. Try to understand. Of course, some servers are just shitty servers and don't organize their time well, but you'll figure that out as your meal progresses. Just don't get too mad in the beginning as long as they have given you some explanation.

8. I serve tables on the "iced tea theory." I've had this theory for about 12 years now, and I've taken it into all other work I've done. The theory is this: When you ask me for another iced tea (or whatever you've asked for), I promise I will get it to you as soon as I can, but I can't get it to you any sooner than I can. Apply that to everything. Now of course, sometimes people can't tell if you are putting in the "as soon as I humanly can" effort, but if you are, there's nothing more you can do.

I have another whole list of rants for the staff of restuarants, which includes: cleaning up after yourself, putting things back where they belong so the next person can find it, filling up whatever you just took the last of, not being bitchy, helping people who ask for help, not hiding when the kitchen needs help running food to tables, doing sidework correctly, cleaning up after other people when they don't have time so the place doesn't look like a bomb hit it - among others. But that's another essay.

I start work on Wednesday at Boston Cares. Thank the goddess.

Yo tengo mucho respeto por camareras

I have a lot of respect for waitresses...And I'm incredibly glad that I don't have to do this much longer.

The Top 5 Most Amazing Things About Waiting Tables Full-Time

5. How much my body hurts. I am not 23 anymore, and let me tell you, my body knows it.

4. How anyone does it. The next time that young woman waits on you, think that it's possible that she does this full-time, 40 hours a week, on her feet. Tip well.

3. That I already feel at home in a restaurant that I've only worked in for 2 weeks.

2. Working a double. This means I got there at 10:30, had a 15 minute break at 2 and was cut and went home at 11:30. That's 13 hours, on my feet, never stopping, moving, getting people what they need. It was one of the most physically hard things I've ever done.

1. That even though it feels good to work only 5 hours and walk away with $50 or 6 hours and walk with $85, when you do the math, you still can't earn much more than $25,000. a year. Hard work for not quite enough to live independently in Boston. Amazing.

Puedo planchar

I can iron.

After years of saying that I don't know how to iron (or don't want to) and spending loads of money on the dry cleaners, I have finally had to just admit that I do, indeed, know how to iron.

I have always said that it's worth the money to pay someone else to not only wash, but press, my clothes. You drop them off, and pick them up only 2 days later all ready to be worn. And you get free hangers out of the deal!

But, as you all know, I've had NO money come in for the last 6 weeks and have had to cut corners. Not only that, but when you work at a place that requires a blue shirt and black pants every day and you only own two of each, the dry cleaners is out of the question.

And so, for the first time since I've lived with my roommate, who is an ironing fiend, I have actually used her board and iron regularly. Come to find out, I DID pay attention all those years ago when Mom taught me to iron a shirt. I can actually do it, and it looks good.

I guess I can't claim I don't know how anymore. If I choose to take clothes to the dry cleaner when I start my new job and have a proper salary again, it'll have to be because I'm lazy and self-indulgent. I'll have to decide whether I can live with that or whether I'll have to just keep using the iron and board in the way I was taught, the way I apparently know how, and stop pretending I can't. I hate having to admit I'm full of it!

Karen Cares About Boston

I got it! I'm the Director of Programs for Boston Cares! It's only been 6 weeks (to the day, I think) that I've been home and I've just landed my dream job. I'm so psyched. Check out what they are all about at www.bostoncares.org.

I will join the non-profit world and begin a new career on November 1. I an sure I will bridge back to higher education through non-profit and the world of volunteering in Boston and the connections that can be made on campuses.

THANK YOU TO EVERYONE and their words of support over these past weeks. I love you all and I am so blessed to have such friends and family in my life.

Keep checking back here. I'll chronicle my adventures as I begin a new one, doing good in the world, here in the U.S., here in Boston.

Hi, I'm Karen and I'll be taking care of you tonight...

My first shift back at waiting tables after almost a 10 year break. It went well. It was a Monday, so of course, it was quiet. I got there at 4:30 and we didn't have any tables until 5:45, and I left at 10. Between 6 and 10, I made $53. Not bad, especially for a Monday night. I was also able to pick up another shift for tomorrow day, so that'll be some more money I wasn't originally planning on.

Weirdest table tonight? An Asian couple who came in at around 9ish, speaking an Asian language I couldn't identify on a cell phone and to each other, but who finally ordered a rack of ribs, an individual size pizza and an order of sliders (which are three little cheeseburgers) and two sides of fries. They ate almost all of it and she was tiny. I was amazed.

Nicest table? The two women who I think were on a date who nicely asked, after they'd eaten almost everything, what was blue in the kitchen, considering there was a blue spot in their mashed potatoes. After I told them maybe blueberry flavoring and the manager then told them the prep stickers that are edible (not toxic) they ended up tipping me very well on the original total, not the new total after the manager took the offending burger and mashed off their check.

Thing I forgot about? Doing your sidework (such as filling ketchups, getting clean silverware, clean bowls, stocking supplies, etc.) and cleaning all the tables in your section and then having it checked by the closers and having to stand there while another staff person tells you to clean a lamp or fill a pepper shaker. I forgot how easy it is to get annoyed and how important it is not to because A. it'll be me sometime when I close and B. it's best for the restaurant to look clean and be clean.

Anyone notice how gorgeous the weather's been here in Boston (if you are in Boston) these past weeks? I have really been wanting to see The Departed, but haven't, because I haven't been able to bring myself to sit in a theatre in the middle of a day that is so beautiful. So I've been sitting outside reading my book and walking around JP pond to appreciate the sun and the trees and the colors of fall in New England.

I had my second interview for Boston Cares today. I really want that job. A lot. If I don't get it, it will be the first time I've not gotten a job I've really wanted. I'm trying not to worry about it and just roll with the fact that I did the best I could in the interviews and now I just have to hope they pick me. (Pick me! Pick me! Remember wanting that SO much in elementary school? I sort of feel like that right now. I actually said, out loud, when the elevator doors closed today as I was leaving, "Hire me!")

In the meantime, I'll wipe down tables, sell people giant chocolate chip cookies to go with their deep dish, and explain 400 times a shift that we have only Pepsi products, sorry. It's good for the soul to serve others. It reminds you how to be a good customer.

I got in trouble at Pizza School

I am spending 5 hours each night this week, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday in Uno Chicago Bar and Grill training classes. To work at Uno's you have to do 5 training shifts in the restuarant and 15 hours of class that includes a BarCode Alcohol Server Certification. Although I am ready to kill myself after 5 hours of menu item descriptions, I have respect for this program as it is the most thorough I've seen and is FANTASTIC that they train servers to actually serve alcohol.

Tonight:

So the trainer gave us these sheets on the first night...one for each section of the menu. And she said we'd fill them out as we went along, as a group, not a test, for us to keep for info. I'm a huge geek, of course, and had an extra five minutes today when I arrived early at class, so I filled in some of the sheets ahead of where we'd discussed because I was familiar with some stuff, having already done my in-restuarant training shifts.

I went to the bathroom. When I got back, she held them up and asked "Are these yours?" (How did she get them? I thought to myself. I thought they were under my other book.) "Yes," I answered. "You can't work ahead," said she. "Why not? They are my sheets," I replied. "You are supposed to do them with the group." I said, quietly, but in all seriousness, "Whatever."

What is worse? That I got in trouble in Pizza School for working ahead or that the only answer I could come up with in response was: "Whatever"? You decide.

Porque pienso que Ellen DeGeneres es fantastico...y otros ideas

Why I think Ellen DeGeneres is fantastic....and other ideas.

I have never watched the Ellen show with any regularity, of course. But now, I've spent many a morning from 9 until 10 a.m. in my living room with the Queen of Pop Dancing and oxfords and tailored pants. It's really a pleasure. She is not only funny, but she is caring, compassionate, quirky and self-aware. The show is a serious breath of fresh air amongst all the crap that we find on television in general, let alone during the day.

This week, she spent one day with breast cancer survivors and their families working towards further awareness during this, Breast Cancer Awareness, month. She wore a pink sweater (unusal for her) and had four people who volunteered to cut their hair to donate to Locks for Love. The way she plays with guests is pleasing as well. She and Matthew Perry played tennis after his new show "Studio 60" promo interview.

The fact that I even have an opinion on daytime television scares me a little. I've been doing some other things that don't involve the couch or the tv, which is good. I went to see the first in a series in Boston this year called "Social Cinema" co-sponsored by Boston Cares, Hostelling International and WGBH. The documentary was called "The World According to Sesame Street" and it profiled how The Children's Television Workshop works with producers in other countries to produce international versions of Sesame Street. After the film, a children's programming professor from BU and a producer from the Children's Television Workshop in NYC both spoke and answered questions. Here's the link to info about the program and the films, which will also show on WGBH in New England, mostly on Tuesday nights at 10. http://www.bostoncares.org/AboutUs/index.php/citizen_academy/social_cinema/democracy_on_deadline.htm

I went to see Eve Ensler, creator of the Vagina Monologues, read from her new book, "Insecure at Last." She spoke in the Coolidge Corner Theatre, (http://www.coolidge.org/) of which I am a member, and was sponsored by the Brookline Booksmith, (http://www.brooklinebooksmith.com/) the best independent bookstore in Boston, in my opinion. Her book is about how we are totally obsessed with being secure and safe and that in fact, we are missing out on life and other gifts because of it. I left early, actually, because she was reading about Katrina and it was going on forever and ever. The first parts she read were good, though.

I volunteered at Jamaica Plain Open Studios last weekend. JP artists open their studio doors and congregate to sell their art all over the neighborhood on Saturday and Sunday. I sat on the rainy Sunday afternoon and greeted guests as they entered the Footlight Club, a local theatre in JP and sold raffle tickets to help support the Arts Council. I didn't end up buying anything, not even a pair of earrings, because I am trying so hard to keep spending under control. (http://www.jpopenstudios.com/) As a side note, Dorchester's Open Studios is the weekend of Oct. 21 and 22. This is my neighborhood. (http://www.thedac.org/dos2006).

I am waiting to get my work schedule at Uno at the middle to the end of next week, because I would really like to volunteer at a few other events that are highlighted on the Boston Cares website. I am attending a volunteer orientation there next Wednesday so I can begin to sign up for volunteer programs. Boston Cares is one of the organizations with whom I am interviewing for a position. I had my first interview Thursday and was told that I'd made it to the second round. The position is perfect for me and I'd really like to work with an organization such as this one. Take a look and sign up to volunteer while you are at it if you are here in Boston and have been putting off getting involved like many of us do. (www.bostoncares.org)
As another side note, the Life is Good Pumpkin Festival is on Boston Common on Saturday, October 21 and all the proceeds go to Camp Sunshine, a retreat for kids with life-threatening illnesses and their families. (http://www.campsunshine.org/) It's a great event. For more info, visit http://www.lifeisgood.com/festivals_pumpkin/ContentPlus.asp?cmd=CONTENT&articleID=195.

Speaking of Uno's, I'm almost done training. Just three days of what I'm cheekily calling "Pizza School" - 5 hour sessions three days this week about the menu, food, and other stuff - and I'll be on the floor alone, actually making some money. I had a great couple of training shifts this week and I'm reminded why I always loved to waitress. I haven't done it for almost 10 years now, but man, do I like it. I'm good at it and I enjoy it. I may be singing an entirely different tune relatively soon, considering I'm 10 years older, have never served full-time before, and it's HARD on the body and the mind. We'll see how I do. So far so good, though. It's like riding a bike. :)

I've been thinking about what I'm writing on this site. About how when I was away, the most mundane details of life were interesting to other people and how now, being in a US city, living in largely the same way as my audience, if that makes a difference, (or should) in how or what I write. I haven't decided yet. For now, I'm just plugging away, writing my musings and my thoughts down and figuring that in any case, I'll be glad I did if later I decide I'm actually going to make an attempt to write some sort of book or essay or something about this year.

It's definitely autumn. The leaves are turning and it's crisp out, especially at night. It's getting darker sooner and stupid, antiquated daylight-savings is coming soon. (Why the hell do we KEEP doing that? Why not just leave the sun ALONE?) School is in full swing and the colleges are just finishing up fall break. Family weekends have happened or are about to, and people have begun to talk about plans for Thanksgiving. We rented the house in Vermont and are already talking about when we'll go up for the first opening weekend of the season. I have started to be able to see the beginnings of my third winter of 2006. The winter of reflection. It follows the winter of applying and the winter of learning and leaving. So far, my time has been so full of logistics and worrying and figuring out what's next that I haven't had time for the reflection part. But I'm going to be mindful of it. I refuse to miss the reflection because I was too busy attacking the next step.

Let me know what you think. I'm interested. It's lonely sometimes here on the couch with only Ellen DeGeneres for company while everyone else is at work. Thanks for coming. Come again.